The InBetweens
by daydreamer4
Summary: This is something completely different. It is the story of CJ and Josh as friends and as more than friends. Stays in canon with West Wing episodes by exploring things that we didn't actually see, but could have happened.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** So, admittedly this story will probably serve to irritate all CJ/Danny and Josh/Donna fans. However, it has been sitting in My Documents for a while and it was time to share. Although I am a CJ/Danny shipper and a Josh/Donna fan, CJ/Josh stories are my guilty pleasure and I thought I'd pay back into the sub-genre. The reason behind this story is that in episode The Short List I found Josh and CJ's interaction in the teaser interesting and I decided to explore it. I've also found some other flirty moments between the two during the series and maybe I'll expand on those further eventually.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters or anything related to The West Wing.

* * *

"Have you seen my necklace?" CJ asked as she fastened her earring into her left lobe.

"No, did you check the nightstand?" Josh asked walking passed her in a pair of slacks and a tight white undershirt.

"Yeah, it wasn't there," CJ replied inserting her other earring. "You see? This is what happens when I take it off."

"It was scratching my face," Josh pointed out.

"Maybe if you didn't bury your face in my neck you wouldn't have that problem," CJ retorted.

"I like burying my face in your neck," he said approaching her from behind and wrapping his arms low around her waist. He nuzzled his lips into the side of her neck and started to playfully nip at her soft skin.

"Josh," she giggled. She let herself enjoy his teasing for a moment before she said, "Stop, we have a very important day today."

"Hence we celebrated our victory last night," Josh said extricating his lips from her neck and slowly removing his hands from her hips. He gave her a light tap on the behind before walking over to the closet to retrieve a shirt.

"We prematurely celebrated our victory. You don't think we jinxed it do you?" CJ asked as she pulled her shirt over her head.

"No," Josh dismissed her. "He's gonna say yes. Who doesn't say yes to being appointed to the Supreme Court?"

"No one," CJ agreed.

Her comment got Josh thinking. "But what if you're right? What if we did jinx it? How could you let this happen?"

"How could _I_ let this happen?" CJ scoffed. "You were the one who showed up at my office door offering to walk me to my car last night."

"So? How does that translate into us sleeping together?"

"That's your signal," CJ informed him.

"What? Offering to walk you to your car?"

"Yes," CJ sighed.

"How is that my signal?" Josh asked puzzled.

"How many times do you offer to walk me to my car?"

"Many times," Josh insisted. "I am nothing if not a gentleman."

CJ let out a loud gut-busting laugh and sat on the edge of the bed. "Are you forgetting who you're talking to? I know you Josh. You offer to walk me to my car on the nights you'd like to do more than walk me to my car."

Josh pondered her comment for a moment and walked over to take a seat on the bed next to her. He buttoned his shirt while CJ pulled on her nylons.

"I don't do that, do I?" he asked.

"You do mi amour," CJ affirmed. "In victory and defeat you show up to walk me to my car."

"Hey," Josh said as he pulled CJ's hands in his to face her. "Are you okay with this…arrangement?"

"I wouldn't come home with you if I weren't," CJ said kissing him lightly on the cheek.

"I just don't want you to think that I'm using you," Josh continued.

"You are," CJ pointed out as she bent over to look for her shoe. "But I'm using you too. It's a mutual agreement we have here. Beside it's not like _this_ happens all that often."

"Yeah but it sounds a little cheap when you say it like that."

"Hey, I didn't mean to get you thinking about this," CJ said sensing his conflict with the situation. "I was just pointing out that you come to office at the end of the day when you're interested in more than walking me to my car."

"I know," Josh nodded. "I guess I didn't know I had a pattern."

"I'm very perceptive," CJ informed him.

"What do you do?" Josh asked.

"What do you mean?"

"What's your signal?"

"I don't have one," CJ said.

"Come on there have been times when you've initiated our little sleepovers," Josh said.

"I don't think that's necessarily--"

"I got it," Josh said cutting her off before she had a chance to finish her thought. "You come by and get me to go out for a drink."

"I do not," CJ protested. "Most of the time I have to beg to be invited out with you guys for a drink."

"Yeah, but sometimes you drop by and ask me to go grab a drink, which inevitably turns into two or three. That's what you do. You work up your courage to ravish me by drinking."

"Oh please," CJ laughed as stood up to fetch her other shoe. "I work up my courage to _ravish_ you? Do you have Harlequin romance novels stashed somewhere around here that I don't know about?"

"It's true," Josh said wagging his finger at her with a smile. "You need a couple of shots of courage before you ask me to come home with you."

"You're delusional," CJ said arching her back to put on her shoe as she walked over to the chair in the corner of the room.

"And you're awfully sexy in the morning," Josh said as he watched her move about the room.

"Stop," CJ said. "We have to put on our work faces or people will talk."

"No one has said anything," Josh replied.

"Yeah but sometimes I wonder," CJ said pulling on her suit coat. "Toby sometimes gives me looks the day after. Danny makes comments about how relaxed I look."

"Really?" Josh said. "You know sometimes Donna seems quieter than usual the morning after. Sam caught me looking at you one morning and he gave me a weird look."

"Do you think they know?" CJ asked slightly alarmed.

"I don't know," Josh said. "I think Donna would say something if she suspected."

"I think Toby would too," CJ agreed. "If Sam knew he'd just let it go."

"What about Danny? Would he say anything?"

"Danny wouldn't and I'm not really sure I'd want him to anyway."

"What's going on with him?"

"Nothing," CJ said trying to hide a slight blush. "He's asked me out a few times."

"Why don't you go?" Josh asked.

"Because he's a reporter," CJ pointed out. "Can you say conflict of interests?"

"I guess," Josh said. "He's usually on our side though."

"Until the day comes when he's not and then I have to lie to him. A reporter and the Press Secretary can't date. It would undermine the integrity of the room."

"But you like him anyway," Josh pointed out.

"I," CJ sighed. "I think Danny is a nice man."

"That's all I'm gonna get?" Josh asked. "I thought we were better friends than that Claudia Jean."

"We are good friends and that's why you got a response at all," CJ replied.

"Fair enough," Josh said. "So, back to the original subject, you don't think we jinxed Harrison by celebrating a little early do you?"

"No," CJ shook her head. "That's just, I mean, us sleeping together has nothing to do with his response."

"You know what I'm thinking?" Josh said. "I'm thinking I want you in the room on the phone with me when I call him."

"How's that going to help?" CJ asked.

"I don't know. It's good mojo or something. We're the ones who might have jinxed him so we both have to be there when he responds to undo the jinx we might have put on him."

"That makes absolutely no sense," CJ said.

"I know," Josh replied. "It's either that or we both go outside and spit."

"I'll be in your office in an hour," CJ smiled.

She walked over to Josh and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before she grabbed her bag and turned to leave the bedroom.

"Hey Claudia Jean?" Josh called.

"Yeah?" she said turning.

"This isn't some cheap fling. You're just more woman than I can handle."

CJ smiled and said, "I'll see you in an hour."

"Bye," he said as she walked out. He sat for a moment before shaking his head and smiling.

* * *

"Morning," Donna said as Josh walked into his office.

"Hey."

"You look rested," Donna said. "I thought today was a big day? I figured you'd be a wreck."

"I'm confident Donna," Josh said tossing his backpack on his desk. "There's no need to worry. Harrison is going to say yes. His confirmation is a lock."

"Uh-huh," Donna said sorting through some folders. "How come you weren't this confident yesterday?"

"I was confident yesterday," Josh denied her accusation.

"You paced around the office, yelled at three interns and spilled a cup of coffee on yourself just thinking about this morning," Donna reminded him.

"It was oddly endearing though wasn't it?" Josh smiled his impish grin.

"I don't know what you're on but you've achieved a level of Zen I haven't seen in you before," Donna told him.

"Hey Donna," CJ said as she stood in the doorway.

"Hey CJ," Donna said looking up for a moment before looking back at her pile of files. It was at that moment that Donna took a moment to glance from CJ to Josh and back again.

"Hey Josh," CJ said.

"Claudia Jean," Josh nodded. "You ready for the call?"

"You're sitting in on the call?" Donna asked CJ.

"Yeah," Josh answered for her. "CJ has been working with Harrison's people so I told her she could sit in on the call."

"How nice of you to give me permission," CJ said with a hint of knowing in her tone.

"You want me to put him through now?" Donna asked.

"Please," Josh said.

"Sure," Donna said gathering her folders and walking toward the door.

"Bye Donna," CJ replied as she walked passed her and out the door.

"Bye," Donna called absently.

CJ sauntered into Josh's office and picked through a few papers on his desk for a moment before speaking.

"Well that was weird," Josh said before she could speak.

"A little cold maybe?" CJ asked.

"She can't know," Josh whispered. "There's no way she knows."

"She knows you my friend. Were you being weird, aside from calling me by my full name?"

"I always call you Claudia Jean," Josh said.

"No, you usually only call me that when you walk me to my car," CJ whispered forcefully.

"Is that our new euphemism now?" Josh asked.

"Yes," CJ replied.

"What's wrong with calling you Claudia Jean? It's your name."

"You don't usually call me that though. Why do you use my full name when we're together anyway?"

"I don't know," Josh shrugged. "It kind of separates work you and friend with benefits you."

"So I'm two different people?"

"Sometimes?"

"Josh, Harrison is on line two," Donna shouted.

"You ready?" Josh asked CJ taking a deep breath.

"Let's do it," CJ replied. Just as he was about to pick up the phone CJ reached over squeezed his hand and added, "Good luck."

"Thanks," Josh said almost inaudibly as they both picked up a phone.

A little while later the deal was done and CJ and Josh jumped and danced around the office. Josh burst into the hallway shouting and CJ followed, each engaged in their own happy dance. They each walked down a separate hall until Josh turned and yelled, "Claudia Jean."

CJ stopped and turned toward him. She saw Josh approach quickly and throw his arms around her. He planted a little kiss on her shoulder.

"We did it," Josh said.

"Yeah," she beamed.

They separated and Josh made his way to the communications bullpen to tell Toby and Sam the great news. CJ walked out the other doorway, turned the corner and found Danny standing there.

"Good news?" Danny asked with a smirk.

"Danny? What are you doing back here?"

"Carol let me back," Danny said following CJ as she continued to make her way down the hall.

"Remind me to fire Carol," CJ said.

"You seem pretty happy," Danny said.

"It's been a good morning," CJ replied pleasantly.

"It's only eight-thirty. It's almost as if you got yourself a candidate for Supreme Court Justice," Danny fished.

"Do you really think I would tell you if we did?" CJ stopped to reply.

"Probably not," Danny conceded.

"So does everybody call you Claudia Jean around here or just Josh?" Danny asked once they started walking again.

"You heard that?" CJ asked.

"I'm just wondering if I should start quoting you as Claudia Jean Cregg or CJ Cregg is all."

"CJ is great," she told him.

"But Josh calls you Claudia Jean," Danny pointed out once again.

"He only calls me that when he's trying to get my attention or when he's very…happy," CJ stammered while she tried to stifle a grin. Happy was one word to describe Josh's feelings when he used her full name so it wasn't completely untrue.

"So Josh is happy and you're happy," Danny said still a step behind her.

"Yes," CJ replied.

"And now you're on your way to Leo's office," Danny deduced. "Is he going to be as happy as you and Josh?"

"Danny, does Carol let you back here just to tail me first thing in the morning?" CJ asked.

"Nah, she just likes me and my boyish charm," Danny replied.

"Goodbye Danny," CJ said stopping before entering Leo's office. "I'll see you at the briefing."

"So should I just fill in Harrison's name in my story on the appointee for Supreme Court Justice?"

"Bye Danny," CJ smiled.

"Bye CJ," he replied as he turned to walk in the other direction.

CJ watched Danny turn and walk away amiably before she opened the door to enter Leo's office and share the joy of their latest victory.

* * *

Josh paced back and forth in front of the door that separated his office and CJ's. He had just found out that Lillienfield had held a press conference to state that people at the White House were taking drugs and he had just been appointed drug czar by Toby. Aside from that unfortunate development he had to deal with the fact that he was almost impaled by a piece of his ceiling earlier.

"Josh," Donna said entering his office. "You're gonna wear a hole in the carpet if you don't stop pacing."

"Huh?" Josh said as if he didn't hear her.

"I said you're going to wear a hole in the carpet," Donna said.

"Well I can't sit at my desk Donna," he replied. "Did you mentally block the moment yesterday where I was almost killed by the sky falling on my head?"

"It wasn't that close," Donna informed him. "A light concussion might have been a possibility, but I highly doubt death was in the cards."

"Thanks so much for your concern," Josh replied sarcastically.

"What's going on? You have on stressed face."

"It's shaping up to be a day," he told her.

"I thought everything fell into place with Harrison?" Donna asked.

"It did. I've moved on," Josh said still pondering his current situation.

"Is this the Lillienfield thing? I thought you were okay with interviewing people?"

"I wouldn't say I'm okay with it," Josh said. "But there's something bigger going on here. I can feel it."

"Okay," Donna said skeptically.

"Is CJ done with her briefing yet?" Josh asked interlocking his fingers and resting his hands on his head.

Donna glanced at the television that was televising the briefing and listened for a moment.

"It sounds like she's wrapping it up," Donna replied. "Do you want me to get her?"

"No," Josh said. "It's not CJ I need to talk to right now. I'll be around somewhere if you need me."

At Mandy's suggestion that he talk to "whoever he talks to" Josh exited his office and made his way over to the Press Room. He hovered in the back of the galley and waited for the briefing to finish. He noticed how Danny followed CJ out of the room and he decided to walk out into the hallway to see where he went. It was Danny that he needed to speak to.

He watched CJ and Danny make their way through the hallways and he noted how they turned abruptly to make their way back to the Press Room. He stayed concealed in groups of people as he watched them interact. It was clear that Danny was attempting to flirt with CJ and he could tell that she was holding herself back. There was something about the look on her face that told him she wanted to say yes to whatever Danny was proposing.

Josh doubled back and watched as CJ grabbed her folder off the podium and dismissed Danny. However, he also saw how she took great care to walk a little sexier than usual as she took leave of him. He finally got Danny's attention and the two men grabbed their coats to walk outside away from the prying eyes of the White House.

"So I was thinking of keeping this conversation casual until we got outside," Josh said as he threw on his coat.

"Okay," Danny agreed. "I assume we'll be going on record about something eventually?"

"You know what they say about assuming Danny," Josh said as they exited his office and made their way into the hallway. "So, are you getting anywhere with CJ?"

"Getting anywhere?" Danny asked surprised that Josh broached the subject.

"You've asked her out right?" Josh asked.

"I, yeah I have," Danny replied still surprised by Josh's question. "Did CJ tell you I asked her out?"

"Yeah," Josh replied with a grin.

"She tell you anything I could use?" Danny asked.

"Not as such," Josh replied deciding against revealing the information that CJ had shared with him the previous morning. Although Josh firmly believed that CJ had strong feelings for Danny regardless of her protests.

"Bummer," Danny replied. "So I highly doubt you're out here with me to talk about CJ."

"Maybe not," Josh said as they walked.

"Josh," Danny started to say.

"Hold on," Josh said as they walked farther away from the White House.

The two men made their way down the street and Josh was able to pick Danny's brain for what or who Lillienfield was after with his drug speech. Danny gave Josh a good idea for a lead and he turned to go back to work. Before he left he decided to tell Danny that CJ liked Goldfish. It was an odd comment and he wasn't quite sure why he decided to share it with Danny. It almost seemed like a small reward for helping him come up with a theory on Lillienfield. Maybe it had something to do with the way CJ suppressed a smile when she was talking to Danny. He couldn't really be sure.

Josh made his way back into the White House and stood in the doorway that separated his office from CJ's. He watched her as she read several documents at once and marveled at her ability to multi-task.

"Hey," CJ smiled as she looked up from her desk. Her glasses were perched on the end of her nose making her look like a librarian from 1943. She removed her glasses and gave Josh a look when he stood silently in the doorway.

"What's going on?" CJ asked.

Josh paced a few times back and forth and finally entered her office shutting both doors.

"It's Leo," Josh said.

"What's wrong with Leo?" CJ asked.

"The whole Lillienfield thing," Josh started to explain. "It's not the funny laugh we all thought."

"What is it then?"

"It's a witch hunt," Josh replied calmly as he took a seat in a chair on the other side of CJ's desk. "He's after Leo."

"Leo's alcoholism isn't exactly a secret," CJ replied putting down the paper she was reading.

"I know, but I think there might be more to it," Josh whispered. "I have to talk to him."

"Yeah because that'll be easy," CJ said.

"Tell me about it."

CJ sighed audibly. "Remember how happy we were yesterday morning?" CJ asked. "Why does that feeling always seem so fleeting around here?"

"I don't know," Josh replied.

"So how did you come up with this anyway?"

"Actually it was Danny," Josh answered her.

"Danny?"

"We were talking and he got me thinking that Lillienfield was looking for someone bigger than some high-ons in the mailroom."

"Danny shared his theory about this with you?" CJ asked.

"Sure, why wouldn't he? He's always been on our side CJ."

"I know," CJ said shifting in her chair. "I'm just a little surprised. I didn't know you two talked."

"Danny and I talk," Josh replied. Sensing her weariness he added, "But not about you. Much."

"Much?"

"Yeah," Josh smiled.

"Great, I feel much better now," CJ replied wryly.

"So are you here for a while?" Josh asked changing the subject.

"Now that you told me about Lillienfield I am," CJ replied. "I'll have to be ready for whatever happens.

"'Kay," Josh nodded. "Come over before you leave?"

"Okay," CJ said setting aside the paper and starting to work on her new task.

"I guess the one bright spot is the Harrison nomination," Josh said before he opened her door again. "We didn't jinx it after all."

"One less thing to worry about," CJ replied.

"Yeah," Josh smiled.

"I'll knock before I leave," CJ told him.

"Good," Josh replied opening the door and walking back into his office.

* * *

Hours later CJ squinted and realized that her clock said it was almost eleven. The phone on her desk rang loudly and she sighed as she picked it up.

"CJ Cregg," she said.

"Hey," Danny said.

"Danny?" she asked.

"Yeah, it's me," he smiled. "I was wondering if you'd given any thought to my proposal."

"What proposal was that?" CJ asked with a tiny grin on her lips.

"You, me, basketball, no notebook, no quotes," Danny reminded her.

"Danny, she said. "You know I can't."

"Why?"

"For a myriad of reasons, which I've shared with you," she said.

"Yeah, I've heard your reasons. None of which were that great by the way," he replied. "I just don't get the sense that it's really how you feel."

"Danny," CJ said.

"Yes Claudia Jean?" he asked playfully. Her full name on his lips caused her to pause. Lately it was only Josh using her full name and it was under decidedly different circumstances. A pang of guilt shot through her.

"Did you call for anything in particular?" she asked changing her response.

"Nothing deadline-related if that's what you mean," he said.

"I'll see you tomorrow Danny," CJ said cutting him off.

"Are you sure that--"

"Good night Danny," she said hanging up the phone before he got in another a word. She looked at the phone for a moment as if she was apologizing to it.

CJ squinted and pressed the skin between her eyes with her fingers. She saved her document and turned off her light as she pulled her coat on. She walked by the door between her office and Josh's and knocked quietly.

"Come in," he called.

"Hey," she smiled.

"Hey," he said biting his lip.

"So how come you're sitting huddled in the corner over there?" CJ asked as she entered his office. "You're not in the early stages of going fetal are you?"

"Did you happen to notice the huge chunk of ceiling missing from my office?" Josh asked pointing over his desk. "I wasn't going to take the chance of sitting there when it almost killed me once this week."

"It fell on you?" CJ asked.

"Not so much on me, but on the desk," Josh replied in tone that dripped with sorrow for his plight.

"So you decided to sit in the corner instead of over at your desk," CJ said again.

"Note the missing ceiling," Josh replied pointing again.

"Right, but the ceiling over your desk is gone," CJ pointed out. "Don't you think you're taking a chance by sitting where there's more ceiling that could potential fall and hit you on the head?"

Josh looked up the ceiling and hole and then turned his head back toward CJ sensing her point.

"Why did you stop by again?" Josh asked with a tiny grin.

"Just checking in before I left for the night," CJ replied. "Nothing is going to blow up with Lillienfield overnight right?"

"No," Josh assured her. "We're going to have to have a conversation about it though."

"Okay," CJ said with an air of finality, but it was clear she didn't want to leave.

"What's up?" Josh prodded.

CJ debated about whether to say anything, but finally decided she needed to get things off her chest. "Danny just called me."

"Can I surmise that it wasn't work-related?"

"No, it wasn't."

"Danny is a nice guy."

"Josh," CJ said

"We're friends, right?" Josh cut her off.

"Bosom buddies, who occasionally see each other's bosom," CJ said flippantly with a grin.

Josh smirked in response, but then adopted a serious face. "But, seriously, we're friends first and foremost right?"

"Of course," CJ said. "We're the best kind of friends."

"Then, as a friend, can I ask you why you're so anti-Danny?" Josh asked.

"I'm not anti-Danny," CJ admitted. "That's the problem. It's never going to work and I know that, and yet there's a part of me that just…wonders."

"So the other night was the last time for a while wasn't it?" he asked.

CJ glanced behind her and noticed the open door. She stood up and closed it so no one could hear their conversation. "Someone could have heard that," she said.

"It was an innocuous statement," he replied. "Someone would have to really reach for it to make the leap. Besides, there's no one out there."

"Except Donna," she corrected him.

"She didn't hear anything," he assured her. "Getting back to my original question, I must be right if this has turned into a closed-door conversation."

"I feel guilty," CJ shrugged.

"Because of Danny," Josh finished for her.

"Maybe," CJ admitted.

"It isn't like we're together every night," Josh said. "In fact, aside from the other night, it hadn't happened in a while."

"At least three months," CJ said.

"At least," Josh agreed.

"It's a good arrangement though."

"It's an excellent arrangement. But, one that I'm willing to give up so you can find yourself a man. After all, I'm the one who ended it for Mandy."

"Yeah, that was a mistake," CJ chuckled.

"Tell me about it," Josh laughed as well. "You know you don't have to come in here and give me the break up conversation CJ."

"I know," CJ shrugged. "I just thought I should tell you where my head is at."

"I appreciate that," Josh said. "Just stop by and ask me to grab a drink whenever you feel like it. Single status preferred of course."

"I will," CJ nodded, standing up. "I'll see you tomorrow mi amour?"

"Bright and early," Josh nodded.

He watched CJ walk out of his office and shook his head. He'd never had a friend like CJ before and he didn't think he'd ever find someone quite like here again.


	2. Polls and Pajamas

Author's Note: Takes place after season one's Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics.

* * *

**Polls and Pajamas**

CJ walked out of the Oval Office and, for the first time in three days, breathed a sigh of relief. She could almost feel the weight being lifted from her shoulders. The rock being removed from her chest. The crushing sensation of fear and failure no longer plagued her. She inhaled deeply and made her way back to her office, trying to suppress the smile on her lips. A light tap on her doorframe broke her reverie.

"Hey," Josh said with a grin.

"Hey yourself," she replied tossing the poll numbers on her desk.

"So, that had to feel pretty good," Josh said folding his arms across his chest and leaning on his shoulder in the doorway.

"It didn't suck," CJ said perching on the edge of her desk.

"You shouldn't have been so worried."

"Really?" CJ asked raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah, well…"

"Do you want to grab a drink?" CJ asked suddenly.

"Seriously?"

"I'm feeling pretty good right now and I'd kind of like to take advantage of a celebratory drink."

"Don't you have spin the numbers?"

"Yeah. It'll take me a few hours. Are you going to be around?"

"Oh, I'll be around," Josh said with a puzzled look on his face. He wasn't certain if this drink invitation was just because CJ was feeling good or because she wanted something else.

"Should I invite Sam and Toby?"

CJ made a face.

"Should I take that as a no?" Josh chuckled.

CJ shrugged. "Why don't we make it just us?"

"You're mad at them?"

"Not mad, just a little…letdown maybe."

"They were in your corner you know."

"Maybe eventually. I wasn't really feeling the love."

"CJ," Josh started to protest. He saw the look in her eyes and decided against defending Sam and Toby. "I'll see you in a few hours."

"Great," she smiled.

* * *

A few hours later they were happily ensconced in a corner booth in a dark bar a few blocks from work. It was surprisingly crowded for a weeknight and the hour, but CJ and Josh didn't seem to mind. The music was blaring and so they ended up sitting closer together than they normally would. The waitress stopped by the table to take their order.

"What can I get you?" she asked.

"Do you want one of your fruity, girl drinks?" Josh asked CJ with a hint of mocking

"Sure, why not? I'll have a grasshopper and my friend here will have a Guinness," CJ ordered for them both.

The waitress nodded and went to get their drinks. "You know my drink?" Josh asked surprised. "What if I wanted a grasshopper too?"

"There's always round two," CJ replied.

"Okay," Josh said a little perplexed. He didn't feel this way that often, but CJ somehow had the magical ability to throw him off his game occasionally.

"So," CJ said.

"So," Josh replied.

"I was right," CJ said.

"True," Josh smiled.

"I was right."

"Yes."

"Toby was wrong."

"Toby was wrong."

"Leo was wrong."

"Leo was wrong and I can see where you're headed with this," he said trying to cut her off before she started in on him.

"You were wrong."

"I may have been a bit too conservative in my estimation of the numbers."

"You were wrong."

"You can't ignore your gut and my gut was telling me otherwise."

"You were wrong."

"Fine. I was wrong," he said with a smirk. CJ beamed back at him. At that moment the waitress dropped off his beer and her grasshopper. "Thanks."

CJ grabbed her glass and sipped the green concoction while Josh laughed. "Are you laughing at me?" she asked.

"Yes. For nothing more than drinking something like looks more like nuclear waste than an actual cocktail. Here's to you being right," he said clinking his glass against hers.

"Thanks," she said taking a long sip of her drink. "I needed a win."

"You didn't need one," Josh said.

"I did and not just for my job, but personally. I needed a win," she admitted.

"You got it."

"I really did," she said leaning forward with her elbows on the table.

"Oh and by the way," Josh said as he took another long swig of his beer. "I wasn't distracting the female callers at the poll."

"Yes, you were," CJ replied knowingly.

"My mere presence doesn't constitute a distraction."

"No, but your flirting with Joey does," CJ said taking a long sip of her drink.

"I wasn't flirt—Joey and I have a very professional relationship," Josh said stumbling over his words.

"Sure you do."

Josh finished off his beer and rolled his almost empty glass back and forth between his hands a few times. "Yeah, well…"

Josh surveyed CJ's almost empty glass and then looked at his own wondering how they'd managed to down their drinks so quickly. CJ wasn't sure it was possible, but the music seemed to be even louder than before and she scooted closer to Josh to talk without yelling.

"So, what's going on with you and Joey?" she asked.

"Nothing. She's got a--she's dating someone else."

"I heard that was over," CJ said.

"It is I guess. It's complicated."

"You should go for it anyway," CJ prodded him.

"Okay," Josh said dragging out the word to prove that he wasn't taking her seriously.

"Seriously. You should."

"Who has time for relationships anyway? It's almost midnight on a Thursday night and we just got out of work."

"I suppose you have a point," CJ replied giving him a serious look. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not pining," Josh said a bit defensively.

"I know."

"So anyway, new subject: how's Danny?" Josh asked CJ. He had the largest grin on his face as if he relished putting her on the spot. "I saw your briefing."

"Did you," CJ replied as more a statement of fact than anything else.

"You were a little snarky with him."

"It was a dumb question," CJ defended herself.

"Still…you might want to let him out of the box."

"I was a lot snarky with him and he'll get outta the box when I decide he's outta the box," CJ said forcefully.

"Ya know, I'm not gonna lie," Josh said. "That reaction right there was a little bit hot."

"I know you like your women opinionated," CJ smiled at him. "How about we make a pact? We don't talk about Joey or Danny for the rest of the night."

Josh pretended to mull it over for a moment, even though he whole-heartedly agreed with CJ's terms. "That sounds fair," he said finally.

"Another round?" the waitress asked, popping up at the right moment.

"Sure," Josh replied. "How about you?"

"Why not," CJ said handing her the empty glass across the table. Her arm brushed Josh's as she reached and it affected Josh in a way he didn't expect. CJ didn't seem to notice his Adam's apple as he swallowed hard. She smiled at him as the waitress walked away.

CJ and Josh were left alone again. He noticed that she had a piece of hair in her line of sight and without thinking he reached out with his index finger and brushed it out of the way. There was no way he could know that the simple gesture and the lightest of touches had sent a shiver down CJ's spine.

For her part CJ kept a calm exterior. It wasn't as if it was a big deal, but suddenly she couldn't recall why she'd asked Josh out for a drink. When she asked she knew it was her tell. He had told her once before that she always asked him out for a drink when she wanted more than a drink. She didn't really take him seriously until now because suddenly realized that he might have a point.

Just as Josh was tucking the piece of hair behind her ear CJ lifted her hand up to finish the motion and their fingertips touched. They didn't say a word as their fingers mingled together for a moment, but it felt like everything in the room was quieter. Josh intertwined his fingers with hers and like two magnets flipped into position, Josh's head moved forward just as CJ's moved and their lips met in the middle. The kiss was rather chaste based on their past outings. Their lips barely parted, just coming together slow and soft and deliberate. Josh could taste a hint of crème de menthe on CJ's lips as he pulled back and ran his tongue along his bottom lip.

"That was…" CJ started to say.

"Nice," Josh finished for her.

"I was going to say public," CJ said feeling a bit of color creep into her cheeks. It had been a while since she'd been kissed and she's forgotten how good it could feel. "But it was also really nice."

"I didn't…I don't want you to think it was because of Joey that I did that," Josh said.

"I didn't think that," CJ said. "Besides, our deal is no questions asked right?"

"Yeah, but I figure I owe you that."

"Okay. For what it's worth, it had nothing to do with Danny either."

Josh didn't think it was possible but CJ moved even closer to him in the booth and their knees touched under the table. He fought the impulse to run his hand up her long leg under the table, but only for a moment. He gave into want and grabbed her thigh, moving his fingers up the fabric of her pants slowly; a move he knew drove her insane.

"Is that more private for you?" he said leaning over and whispering in her ear.

CJ could feel her heart start to beat faster and it took all her will not to throw one leg over his hip and have her way with him right there in the booth. It was especially difficult when Josh's hand navigated up her hip and he gently squeezed her.

"It is," CJ replied in his ear. She knew how to get back at him and leaned forward and ran her nails down his chest with just the right amount of pressure. "Did I thank you for coming by my office before the numbers came in tonight?"

"Uh, no," Josh said trying to keep all the blood from rushing from his head to another part of his body, but CJ's fingers probed with just the right amount of pressure on his chest.

"Thank you," she said into his ear, letting her lips and tongue graze his earlobe before backing off completely.

"We should go," Josh managed to say in between stilted breaths.

"We ordered another round," CJ reminded him.

"You'd really rather sit here and drink than go back to my place?" Josh said as he stood up and pulled out his wallet. "Well?"

"I'm right behind you," CJ said scooting out of the booth.

Josh left money for the two rounds plus a generous tip on the table. He wished that they hadn't driven separate, but if CJ was going to spend the night she needed to bring her clothes to get ready in the morning and she always seemed to have a week's worth of clean clothes in her car.

Both CJ and Josh broke a few laws trying to get to Josh's place. He came to several rolling stops. She ran a red light, but finally they pulled up to Josh's porch. Although he lived on a fairly quiet street, they didn't want to chance being spotted and so it added to the tension that they couldn't touch each other until they were safely locked away in Josh apartment.

Josh fumbled with the keys and when he finally pushed the door open he pulled CJ into the apartment with him. Their lips locked almost immediately and CJ started to whip off her coat while Josh quickly got to work on the buttons of her blouse. It was a perfected art, what they could accomplish. A choreographer would be impressed with their ability to walk to the bedroom, navigate furniture and remove clothes in the dark without their lips breaking contact. Until Josh accidentally steered CJ into a wall, but that only allowed him to push her against it and focus his lips on her exposed neck and collar bone before she grew impatient and wrapped a leg around his waist and pulled him to her.

Josh moaned when he felt his pelvis crash against CJ's and he quickly spun her away from the wall and resumed backing her toward the bedroom. CJ occupied herself with removing Josh's belt and moved on to his shirt, but she fumbled with the buttons as he kissed her neck. She thought she had the button through the whole, but in her haste she popped the button off the shirt. With one already gone, she decided to take the shirt in her hands and rip it apart with force, which caused all the buttons to come flying off on the floor.

"That was Brooks Brothers," Josh said pulling away and examining his shirt.

CJ gave him a wicked grin as she lay on her side on Josh bed clad in scant clothing. She curled her legs and propped her hand up on her elbow. "I guess I know what to get you for your birthday," CJ said. "Now, would you rather worry about your shirt right now or would you rather let me thank you for being such a good friend tonight?"

Josh smiled as he saw that she was using a variation of his earlier line on him. It didn't take him long to kick off his pants and jump on top of CJ on the bed. She laughed a hearty belly laugh as he maneuvered his hands behind her back and popped the clasp of her bra with expert precision. She kissed him hard, her tongue probing his mouth, his lips and his chest. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist and they were so close that not a spec of light could be seen between their bodies.

"Josh," she murmured at the same time he purred, "Claudia Jean."

# # #

Spent and exhausted a while later Josh lay with his hand wrapped around CJ's hip. He kissed her shoulder as she scrunched into the pillow. "That was…" Josh said.

"Nice?" CJ asked with a chuckle.

Josh let out a noise that was akin to a snort. "I was going to go with epic," he said.

"It was that," CJ agreed putting her hand on his and pulled him closer to her.

"Are you cold?" he asked sensing her chill. He scooted closer to her. "I figured I'd have kept you hot and bothered for at least an hour."

"No, you did," CJ smiled turning toward him so they faced each other. "It's just kind of cold in here. Do you have an extra pair of pajamas?"

"No, I usually sleep in the buff," he said with a grin, pulling the sheet up over them.

"Shut up, you do not," CJ laughed.

"I do."

"Josh."

"What?"

"You don't sleep in the buff," she said.

"I could," he replied.

"Seriously, don't you have an extra pair of PJs?"

"Not really," Josh admitted. "I'm a boxers and t-shirt kind of guy."

"You don't own pajamas?"

"Every guy you've ever dated wore pajamas?"

"Yeah. All guys need pajamas. They wear the bottoms and women wear the top. It's an excellent system."

"I think the system has broken down," Josh said snuggling his lips into CJ's neck. "I'll keep you warm."

They lay like that for a moment until Josh realized just how cold CJ felt. Instead of him warming her up, she was making him cold.

"You really are cold," he said.

"Do you have an extra blanket?"

"It's April Claudia Jean. You can't seriously be this cold."

"And yet."

Josh extricated himself from her and walked over to the bureau. CJ curled up in a ball once his body heat was gone. Josh fumbled through some items and came up with a Wesleyan sweatshirt. He walked back over to the bed and hopped back in next to CJ.

"How's this?"

"Perfect," she said putting it on. "Though kind of short."

Josh surveyed how the sweatshirt barely covered her derriere, not that he minded. "It's a good fit," he said.

"You need pajamas," CJ said settling back into the pillow.

"I'll get right on that," Josh said snuggling his face into her neck and wrapping his arm around her again. CJ breathed a contented sigh. She fell asleep feeling that it had been a glorious day. The poll results were better than expected and finally felt job security. Not only that, but she had spent an excellent evening with Josh. She fell asleep with Josh snuggled next to her secure in the knowledge that tomorrow they would wake up and there would be no awkwardness, which suited them both quite well. Just as she drifted off to sleep she also made a mental note to buy him a pair of pajamas before their next sleepover.


	3. On a Scale of 1 to 10

Author's Note: This chapter is inspired by the little shoulder bump/mumbled conversation that occurred between CJ and Josh when they were leaving the Oval Office at the end of Galileo. It seems I am able to read a lot into the little things. :)

* * *

"On a Scale of 1 to 10"

CJ wandered back to her office and tossed her shawl on her chair as she went over a few notes. She very quickly realized that someone was standing in her doorway.

"You're great in bed?" Josh asked as he entered CJ's office. He stuck his hands in his pockets and leaned in the door frame.

CJ looked up from her papers and smiled. "You know better than anyone else in that room that I was telling the truth," she retorted.

"Oh, I know it," Josh agreed. "I just never thought I'd see the day when you'd announce it in the Oval Office--to the president no less. It was all I could do not to let my jaw hit the desk."

"I thought I saw a look of restraint," CJ agreed.

"Toby almost had a coronary."

"I'm sure I'll hear about it from him later."

"I wanted to ask you about the details, but the president called you back. I was kind of waiting around for you."

"That was nice."

"So, why might there be a story about you being great in bed?"

"It's the truth," CJ said knowingly. "And also I might have gotten into it with Tad Whitney over the deputy position."

"Were you blackmailing him for sexual favors or something?"

"I went out with him for five minutes years ago and he felt I was punishing him for ending things," CJ explained. "As if I've spent my time pining for him or something."

"I hate Tad Whitney," Josh said.

"I couldn't agree more."

"What did you ever see in that guy?"

"Nothing much. It's why it ended."

"Still, Tad Whitney?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, my phone isn't exactly ringing of the hook with offers for dinner and a movie. At least not ones I can accept," she qualified herself.

"Well, you can definitely do better than Tad," Josh said standing up straight and making his way over to the center of the office. He rested his elbows on the guest chair and clasped his hands together. "So, did I tell you how good you looked tonight?"

CJ stopped organizing her folders and looked at Josh. "No, you didn't," she said.

"You do," Josh said with a small head nod. "The dress is really nice."

"Thank you," CJ replied, noticing that Josh had a familiar look on his face. It had been a while since either CJ or Josh had pursued their friends with benefits pact. In fact CJ could recall the last time they were together. It was the week before the shooting in Rosslyn.

"CJ," Josh said. "Come home with me tonight."

CJ swallowed hard. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked. She wasn't sure that Josh was physically ready for anything after the shooting and she was also unsure if she wanted to be the woman who took him off the bench for such activities.

"I think it could be the best idea I've had all day," he said confidently. "Aside from putting a guy on a postage stamp that is."

"Okay, I don't know how to say this," CJ tried to choose her words carefully. "It hasn't been that long since…are you sure you want me to be the one to…have you been cleared for strenuous activity?"

She wanted to crawl under desk with embarrassment after she finally, horribly, articulated what was on her mind. Luckily for her, Josh simply smiled and looked like he was suppressing a chuckle.

"Claudia Jean, there is no one I'd rather have take me for a test drive," he said sincerely. "And I got the okay from my doctor last week. All systems are go."

CJ was still unsure how to respond. While she had to admit, that after her encounter with Tad, going home with Josh sounded awfully nice, but she was a little nervous about the whole thing. Josh could see the hesitation on her face.

"I get it if you're not up for it," Josh backtracked. "But you have to know that announcing your superior skills in bed in the Oval Office has made my mind wander." He gave her an impish grin, which he knew she couldn't really resist.

"It's not that I don't want to," CJ clarified herself. "I just want to know that you'll be okay with…everything." She didn't know why she couldn't bring herself to discuss sex with Josh using her words. It wasn't like they hadn't discussed it before. Tonight she just felt unsure.

"You won't break me. I promise," Josh replied.

"Okay then," she finally conceded. "But can we go to my place? I've got a ball gown on and I don't know how I'd be able to explain why it was in my backseat tomorrow morning, aside from the obvious."

"That sounds fair," Josh said standing up. "I'll meet you there in an hour?"

"I'll see you then," CJ agreed.

* * *

An hour later CJ was in her apartment hanging up her dress when she heard a light rap on the door. She tightened the belt on her robe and took a deep breath before answering the door.

"Hi," Josh said as she opened the door.

"Hi," she replied. Josh leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek as he entered the apartment. It was short and sweet, but it did a little something to allay CJ's nerves.

"I brought some wine," Josh said holding up a bottle of CJ's favorite white.

"Great," she said shutting the door behind him and following him into the kitchen. She grabbed two glasses from the cabinet while Josh uncorked the wine.

"So, how was your night at the office?" CJ asked.

"Not quite as exciting as yours, but it had its moments," Josh replied as he poured two glasses of wine. "Donna was on your side by the way."

"On my side?" CJ asked after taking a sip of wine. She walked into the living room and over to the radio and turned on a CD that was in the player.

"About the stamp," Josh said following her out into the living room. "She was in favor of it. She accused me of being tyrannical. Although, I was a little surprised to have you go after me in the Oval."

"I didn't go after you," CJ said taking another sip. "I was expressing my opinion."

"Loudly," Josh teased her.

"Forcefully, maybe," CJ gave him as the song changed.

"It was hot, especially after the good in bed comment," Josh said sipping his wine.

"You're really not gonna let that go are you?"

"If it had been me, would you let it go?"

"Touché," CJ said raising her glass to him.

"I like this song. It's a _Paler Shade of White_?" Josh asked.

"_A Whiter Shade of Pale_ and yeah, it's a good one. This song was my very first slow-dance," CJ said.

"Really?"

"I was at a family wedding," CJ explained. "I was fifteen and this boy asked me to dance, at the request of my step-mother, but still, I was feeling pretty good."

"Who sings this?"

"Procol Harum."

"That's a weird name."

"But a good song."

"Come here," Josh said setting his wine glass down and holding out his arms.

"What?"

"Dance with me."

"Seriously?"

"Of course."

"I should have kept on my dress," CJ commented as she set down her wine glass and walked over to him.

She reached Josh's outstretched arm and took his hand. "Nah," he said pulling her close to him. "I think I like the robe better. Much sexier."

CJ chuckled. "I'm sure," she said. "I should have kept on the fuzzy slippers too."

They swayed around CJ's living room, trying to keep to the area between her couch and sofa table. "When was the last time we danced?" Josh asked her.

"Hmm, you know I can't even remember. The last State Dinner?" CJ replied. She liked the feeling of dancing with Josh. Without her shoes on he was just slightly taller than her and it made her feel more feminine.

"So, how do I stack up to first slow dance guy?" Josh asked as he repositioned their hands on his chest.

"Well I had almost a foot on the first slow dance guy, so the eye-level thing is kind of nice," CJ said.

"You had a foot on him?" Josh asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, it was slightly awkward, but I remember thinking he was cute so…it wasn't until later that I found out my stepmother had arranged the whole thing. That was a little mortifying."

"Well you don't need anyone to arrange your dance partners now. I've seen the guys jockeying for position at White House events."

"Oh please," CJ scoffed.

"You really don't give yourself enough credit, you know that? Trust me when I say, there are guys checking you out when you don't even know it."

CJ just looked at Josh for a moment. "Well thanks for noticing for me," she replied.

Josh took a moment to rest his hand on CJ's hip and maneuver her expertly into a spin as the song ended. He even dipped her to add a flourish. She laughed as his picked her back up and then there was a silent moment in between songs and Josh and CJ were left staring at each other.

"We'll have to bust out that move at the State of the Union party," CJ said softly.

"Sure," Josh said, equally quiet.

Josh leaned in and kissed CJ lightly on the mouth. It was slow and teasing and different from how they usually were together. CJ opened her lips and allowed her tongue to trace Josh's bottom lip gently.

Josh stepped back for a moment to unbutton his shirt and quickly toss it on a chair while CJ removed his belt and threw it on the floor. Josh wrapped his arms around CJ's waist and pulled her close to him as she pulled on his tie slowly. He inched his hand slowly down her hip hitting a spot that made her moan lightly. He planted another kiss on her lips before asking, "Bedroom?"

"Please," CJ said taking his hand and pulling him behind her towards the bedroom.

The lamp was on in the room and it seemed to create a peach halo around CJ as she knelt on the bed and helped Josh escape his pants. Clad in only his boxers and t-shirt, CJ had forgotten how fit Josh was. He reached forward and pulled her robe off one shoulder and kissed it gently as CJ removed the belt and let the robe fall around her. Josh's kisses followed the line of her collarbone until CJ reached for his undershirt and pulled it over his head. It was at that moment that her eyes fell upon his chest. She pulled back.

"What?" Josh asked, leaning forward to kiss her again. He pulled back when he saw CJ's face.

"I," CJ sighed and threw her hands up in gesture to the large scar running down his chest. She looked at the angry, still-red mark that was the only visible evidence of what Josh had been through. CJ didn't realize that she'd be confronted with the scar, or that it would have this affect on her, but she suddenly recalled how close they had come to losing him.

"I'm fine," Josh assured her.

CJ reached out and ran her finger lightly around the scar. "It doesn't hurt," he promised.

"Josh," CJ said looking at him with glassy eyes. "My God Josh."

Seeing CJ's reaction and the look of sorrow in her eyes was almost too much for Josh to take and he wasn't quite sure what to say. Luckily he didn't have to do or say anything. CJ leaned forward and threw her arms around his shoulders. She squeezed him tightly to her. "I'm so sorry," she whispered in his ear. "You're okay now."

CJ gathered her emotions and eased up her grip on Josh. She looked him in the eyes and kissed him again. She let her lips trail along his jaw line and down his neck until she reached the top of chest. She rested her hands on his arms and tentatively kissed the top of his scar, marking a trail of kisses down his chest until the angry mark ended.

Josh breathed a sigh of relief that she didn't ask him how he was feeling. He was afraid that talking about it might bring tears to his own eyes and so he said nothing either. He simply succumbed to his physical response. This was why he wanted to be with CJ. For the first time since the shooting he would recall another sensation when he looked down at the scar and it would be CJ's lips.

"You gonna go easy on me now?" Josh tried to lighten the mood.

CJ surveyed his face for a minute and finally said, "I don't think you need it."

With that she grabbed his arms and pulled him down with her on the bed. She took the opportunity to roll on top of Josh, straddling him. Before she bent over to kiss him again, he reached up and ran his hand through her hair as if to thank her for making things as normal as possible.

* * *

Forty minutes later Josh was snuggled up against CJ's back, running his hand down her side. "You were absolutely right," he said.

"About what?"

"The great in bed thing. Tonight was…I don't know if it's because it's been a while or what, but Claudia Jean, you were amazing."

CJ rolled over on her side to face him. "I was just thinking the same thing about you," she replied.

"You were in the driver's seat tonight," Josh reminded her. "I was just a willing participant."

"You remember earlier when you told me I was selling myself short?"

"Yeah," he said scrunching deeper into his pillow.

"You're selling yourself short right now. That was seriously a mind-numbing, memorable outing tonight mi amour," CJ said giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"You're just saying that," Josh dismissed her.

"If I was just saying that I'd say they could write epic smut-filled novels about what just happened in here tonight," CJ corrected him. "Instead I'll put your mind at ease and tell you that you have nothing to worry about in the future."

"I wasn't…I didn't ask…this wasn't about getting a report card on my lovemaking prowess," Josh stammered, suddenly a little embarrassed.

"Your lovemaking prowess?" CJ asked with a grin.

"It has been referred to as a prowess before."

"By you?" CJ chuckled.

Josh was quiet and CJ could tell that he needed more reassurance.

"Joshua," CJ said looking him in the eyes. "Come on."

"Come on what?"

"You just got the green light and you expect me to believe you weren't a little nervous about how things would go?"

"I wasn't nervous," Josh said. "Slightly intimidated by mechanics might be a better assessment."

"Are you feeling a little better about that now?" she asked.

"A little," he said tentatively. He wasn't one to ask for criticism, but part of him did wonder if he measured up to how he was before the shooting.

"Let me ease your mind. You have nothing to fear in the future."

That comment seemed to please him and he nudged CJ's knee playfully with her his under the covers and ventured, "So on a scale of 1 to 10 tonight was?"

"Josh," she dismissed him. "It was epic okay?"

"I'm more of a numbers kind of guy."

"You don't even know where you stand on the scale based on past performance," CJ reminded him.

"Okay, then give it to me: 1 to 10 on past outings and 1 to 10 on tonight."

"10 being the best?" CJ asked.

"Yeah."

"Well," CJ said drawing out a dramatic sigh while she stretched. "Hmm. There's a lot to consider, especially if I'm rating lovemaking prowess."

"Claudia Jean," Josh whined.

"It's hard to rate it on a scale like that," CJ stopped teasing him. "What if I told you, you were in the top three?"

"Top three like top three of best ever?"

"Yeah."

"Am I?" he asked with a gleam in his eye.

"I'll say this, based on past sleepovers and tonight, you are most definitely in the top three."

Josh lay on his back and rested his hands under his head on the pillow. He was clearly proud of his ranking and his body language exuded a cocky confidence.

"Don't," CJ said warning him.

"Don't what?"

"You've got that look."

"That's the look of an excellent lover my dear."

CJ couldn't help but laugh. "I knew this would go to your head."

"Come on, top three? That is an excellent report card," Josh reminded her.

"You're too much."

"I'm just enough."

"According to you."

Josh loved that he and CJ could lie in bed and tease each other so easily after they were together. With relationships he always felt pressure to be more formal or controlled. With CJ it was just adding another dimension to their everyday relationship. It seemed so easy.

"Seriously though," Josh said suddenly. "Thanks for tonight. I hope it wasn't too weird or anything."

"You're thanking me for tonight? This is new."

"It's not everyday you go to bed with guys with physical scars from battle."

CJ noted a slight hint of something in Josh's voice and it made her worry. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he said brushing her off. "I just know that tonight might have been weird for you."

"It wasn't weird," CJ assured him. "I was a little nervous I'd hurt you in some way, but you're fine now. It's like it always was."

"Honestly?" he asked her, dropping his confident posture of earlier.

"Honestly," CJ said crawling closer to him and wrapping her leg around his under the sheets. "In fact, it was so normal and so good that I might not let you go to sleep tonight."

Josh surprised himself by responding physically to CJ's words and touch. "How did you know that's just what I wanted to hear?"

He put his hand on her waist and rolled over on top of her. "Now, let's say I make a play for the number one spot on your list."

He kissed CJ's neck in the spot that made her giggle and neither of them got much sleep that night; Josh regaining his confidence and CJ being his willing test-driver.

TBC


	4. The Lost Weekend

Author's Note: This takes place between season two's The Leadership Breakfast and The Drop-In. I felt like Josh and CJ had some good scenes in both and I thought this was a good fit.

* * *

"The Lost Weekend"

CJ was curled up with her briefing book on the couch clad in her flannel pajama bottoms and a long-sleeved t-shirt. She had just started to get into the meat of things when she heard a knock on her door. Glancing at the clock as she got up to answer it, she noted the hour and decided to look through the peep hole before opening her door at eleven-thirty at night.

She opened the door and saw him, his arm out and leaning against her doorway.

"Josh?" she said.

"Hey CJ," he said.

She noted that his eyes looked a little glazed over and he seemed a little nervous.

"Did something happen?" she asked as she ushered him inside. She felt the January cold on him as he came over her threshold.

"No," Josh said shaking his head. They walked into her living room and Josh saw the low light and blanket on the couch, along with a few folders strewn around the coffee table.

"Oh, jeez, I'm sorry," he said. "I should have thought. It's late. You were getting ready for bed. I should go."

"No," CJ said putting her hand on his arm. "I was just reading. After this week I want to be a step ahead of pretty much anything."

She looked sincere and so Josh decided to stay, though he didn't remove his coat. "Can I get you something to drink?" CJ asked. "I have tea, or I could make some decaf."

"No, I'm good, really."

"Okay, then why don't you take off your coat and tell me what brings you by."

"I'm really sorry I just popped in," Josh said following CJ's lead and taking a seat on the couch.

"It's no problem. I was already awake," CJ assured him. "Now, what's up? You're kind of freaking me out a little."

Josh gave her a tiny smile. "We can't have that," he said as he finally took his coat off. "I was at my place and its Friday and things were really…quiet."

"Quiet?"

"Yeah," Josh sighed. "I mean, we don't have to be in the office tomorrow or Sunday and we're gearing up for the State of the Union, but I don't have anything pressing and I was sitting in my apartment and everything was just…quiet."

"You were bored?"

Josh didn't really answer the question. Instead he picked up CJ's briefing book and flipped through a few pages. "You have a lot more reading than I do on a nightly basis," he said.

"That I do," CJ agreed. She sensed that there was something wrong, something he wasn't telling her, but she knew better than to push the subject so she let him lead the conversation.

"What are you doing this weekend?" he asked.

"Uh, I've got some briefing books to read, but other than that I might actually have a lull in my weekend schedule."

"You don't have to go into work?"

"I decided to bring my work home with instead," CJ replied. "I needed a few days away from the office. Of course that doesn't mean by Sunday I won't change my mind and go in."

"Yeah," Josh said setting the book back down between them. "Donna went to Wisconsin."

"There's nothing wrong with her parents I hope," CJ said.

"No. Her cousin was getting married or something," Josh shrugged. "Sam will be at the office all weekend. He's working on that speech on the environment."

"Yeah, he seemed pretty excited about it. I think he's finally got his mojo back."

"Yeah," Josh said. "I'm not so sure about the speech. If Toby was in town I'm sure he'd have something to say about it."

"Probably," CJ said with a hint of bitterness in her voice. She might not have said anything after the whole Leadership Breakfast debacle, but she still felt a bit angry with Toby overruling her.

Josh picked up on CJ's tone and suppressed a grin. He'd told her that she was class act for not saying anything about it, but deep down he knew that she had every right to feel superior to Toby at the moment.

"So since neither of us has to work, do you want to hang this weekend?" Josh asked.

"Sure," CJ said with a shrug. She wasn't sure what a weekend with Josh would entail, but she figured it would be fun. She might even be able to get to the root of what his troubles were.

"Leo keeps asking me if I'm okay," Josh said suddenly.

"Are you?" CJ asked.

"Yeah," Josh said a little too quickly. "I'm good."

CJ didn't say anything in response, instead she waited. She knew that Josh was eventually come around to the point of his visit, which she was beginning to suspect had something to do with his mental health.

"He asks me everyday," Josh said. "Once every day he asks if I'm okay. It makes me feel like I'm some kind of a freak."

"You're not," CJ said emphatically. "And I'm sure Leo isn't asking you that question to make you feel self-conscious. I think the president asks him everyday if he's had a drink. It's just his way of checking in so you don't bottle everything up."

"I know," Josh said. "I know it. I should be grateful that I have a guy like Leo in my corner. Most people can't have a psychotic break and keep their job, let alone if their job is working for the president."

"You didn't have a psychotic break," CJ said. "You needed help to deal with what happened to you. There's no shame in that."

Josh ran his hand over his face and breathed deeply. "Yeah," he said.

"Josh," CJ said.

"Yeah, I know CJ okay? I know it."

"Okay."

"I was at my place and it was quiet and I poured myself a drink," Josh finally said.

"You were drinking?"

"I had one drink and then, as I was pouring the second one I had this flash to the night of the Christmas party. I was drinking alone that night too and I put my hand through a window. I just kinda freaked out."

"The night of the Christmas party or tonight?" CJ asked.

"Tonight. I had to get out of there. It was so quiet, peaceful even, but it freaked me out."

"It's okay," CJ assured him.

"Donna's out of town, Toby's gone, Sam's working on that speech," Josh said.

"So I was your fourth choice then," CJ teased him to lighten the mood.

"No," Josh chuckled. "It wasn't like that."

"Sure, I heard the list you just ticked off there mi amour," she said.

"You were fourth on the list because you live in the middle of nowhere," Josh said.

"I do not."

"You live in the land that public transportation forgot."

"I don't live that far away."

"You should technically live in Virginia you live so far away."

"It's a ten minute walk to the Metro."

"That is a long walk."

"Okay," CJ placated him. "You win. I live far away."

"Thank you."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I just had to get out of my place."

"Do you want to stay here?" CJ asked.

"Really?" Josh asked.

"Of course," CJ replied. "Stay here. You don't want to be alone. It'll be nice to have the company."

"You're sure I'm not putting you out?"

"I'm positive. If we're hanging out tomorrow, you might as well stay here tonight."

"Okay, thanks," Josh said.

"You're welcome," CJ said.

"I'll just sack out on the couch," Josh said. He wanted to assure CJ that he didn't just show up for a weekend fling.

"Josh, don't be silly," CJ said. "You can share my bed."

"It's okay. I don't want you to think I came over for…you know."

"Sex?"

"Yeah."

"So we can have sex occasionally, but we can't sleep platonically in the same bed?"

"See, when you say it like that it sounds kind of stupid."

"I think we're grown up enough to share a bed Joshua."

"You're sure?"

"I'm positive," CJ promised.

"Okay. Well if you don't mind, I think I might turn in."

"Sure. I'm just gonna finish this brief."

"Okay, see you in the morning then," he said as he turned to make his way down the hallway to CJ's bedroom.

"'Night," CJ said. "Hey Josh?"

"Yeah?" he said stopping.

"What did you have in mind for tomorrow?"

"I have some thoughts," he replied.

"Are you going to share them with the class?"

"Tomorrow," he said with a grin.

CJ surveyed his face and his eyes had the old Josh gleam. "Okay then," she replied.

Josh turned in and CJ stayed up to finish reading her briefing book. When she decided to go to bed she entered her room slowly. She wasn't used to anyone being in bed when she was ready to go to sleep. She saw that Josh had thrown the covers off and he was curled into ball. She walked quietly over to the bed and gently tugged the covered over his chest. She ran her hand gently over his arm and walked over to the other side of the bed to turn in for the night.

* * *

Josh awoke the next morning to find his body snuggled next to CJ. He lifted his head slightly and looked around the room with a squinted eye. It took him a moment to recall that he had found his way to CJ's the night before. It further took him a moment to remember that he had gone to bed and CJ followed much later. He deduced that their bodies had found a way to scoot together over the course of the night.

Josh gentled lifted the covers and crept into the bathroom where he ran some water over his face and threw on his wrinkled clothes from the previous evening. He crept out of CJ's room and into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and found that it had been a while since CJ had been to the market. An hour later Josh was settled on CJ's couch with a folder from his backpack on his lap. He was halfway through the bagel he'd picked up at the corner store when CJ emerged from the bedroom.

"'Morning," she mumbled.

"Hey there sunshine," Josh replied with a smile. "A salt bagel with light cream cheese is on the counter in the kitchen. Oh, and coffee too."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to move in permanently?" CJ asked with a grin as she walked into the kitchen to grab her breakfast.

"I don't know. What's in it for me?" Josh asked with a raised eyebrow when she returned to the living room.

"Wouldn't you like to know," CJ replied with an equally suspicious smile. "Have you been up long?"

"About an hour."

"How are you today?" CJ asked with slight hesitation.

"I'm fine, Leo, thanks for asking."

"I just thought that after last night I should ask."

"And while I appreciate the concern, I'm just fine this morning."

"Do you have anyone to call in situations like that?"

"I came here didn't I?" Josh responded starting to feel a little uncomfortable.

"I meant someone more…professional than me," CJ said choosing her words carefully.

"I called Stanley. He's out of town until tomorrow," Josh said. He let his defenses down. "I really do feel a lot better today though. I just had a minor nutty last night. I appreciate you being there for me."

"Anytime," CJ said devouring the last of her bagel. "And Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"It's okay to still be affected by what happened," CJ said. "I'm not sure what your doctor tells you, but it's normal."

"I got shot a while ago CJ. I should be moving past it."

"Maybe, but can I let you in on a little secret? I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat because I'm reliving that night in my dreams. I don't need to remind you that I didn't get shot and I'm still affected by it. I think it's perfectly natural for you to go off the rails every once in a while."

"You dream about it?" Josh asked, interested.

"A few times," CJ said. "I think it's because I still don't remember a lot of it. It sort of comes back to me like a dream. It's terrifying and then I wake up and I have to tell myself that everything is okay. Everyone is okay."

"Yeah," Josh said taking a sip of his coffee. "You never told me that before."

"I've never told anyone that before," CJ replied. "It's why I said it was our little secret."

She gave him a coy smile, which he returned and that seemed to put a cap on the conversation. Josh had already been feeling better, but now he felt slightly more relieved than before if that was possible.

"So, are you ready for our big day out?" Josh asked changing the subject.

"You have big plans for us?" CJ asked.

"Very big," Josh said. "Dress warm."

"Dress warm?" CJ asked with a slightly horrified look that made Josh grin. "Where are we going exactly?"

"We're going to live like tourists today," Josh replied.

"Live like tourists? What does that mean?"

"When was the last time you explored this fine city?"

"Explored as in found a new restaurant to go to?"

"I'm thinking more like when was the last time you visited a monument?"

"A monument? It must be years since I've actually visited one. I pass them on the way home, does that count?"

"No," Josh said emphatically. "We're visiting monuments today."

"It's January," CJ complained.

"Hence the instruction to dress warm."

"You seriously want to visit monuments today?"

"I do. I want to live like a tourist for the day."

Josh gave her that Joshua Lyman grin and somehow CJ couldn't help but agree to his slightly insane plan. An hour later CJ and Josh left his apartment, bundled up and ready to pretend they were tourists for the day. CJ insisted that they stop by Josh's place so he could get a change of clothes, a sweater and a proper winter coat at the very least. CJ was thankful that although it was January, it was at least forty degrees, though the wind chill left something to be desired. She zipped her coat up to her nose as Josh laughed at her.

"You're from Midwest," Josh commented. "Aren't you used to winter?"

"I was used to winter and then I moved out to California for college," CJ reminded him. "I've lost my tolerance."

"This is our second winter here."

"Two winters does not nullify ten years in California."

"Wuss," Josh said.

"Tell me you're enjoying this weather," CJ said as they walked along the sidewalk.

"It's not so bad. At least it's not snowing."

He gave her a look that made him look like he was all of twelve. His eyes begged her to become as giddy as he was over their pilgrimage to well-known landmarks.

"You're tempting fate with that comment," CJ said with a smile, letting his excitement rub off on her.

"I'll buy you a coffee when we visit Mr. Lincoln," Josh promised.

"Make it a hot chocolate and you've got yourself a deal."

They were coming up on an intersection that was a little slick and as they slowed down for the red light CJ felt her boots start to give way under her. She swayed forward and to the side, fully expecting to hit the pavement when she felt Josh reach out and grab her arm, throwing his hand on her waist, steadying her. They paused for a moment to make sure they were both steady.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I am now. Thanks for the save. It didn't look slippery," she said noting that Josh didn't let go of her waist.

"I think that's why they call it black ice."

The light in the crosswalk changed, indicating that it was safe for them to cross the street. Josh let go of CJ's waist and instead looped her arm through his. "Hold on tight," he said. "I don't want you to break hip before we get there."

And so they walked, arm-in-arm along the wintry street. There weren't many pedestrians out on such a brisk day and for a moment CJ felt like maybe it was just the two of them on the street. It was an oddly comforting and also disconcerting feeling.

"So, is the Lincoln Memorial your favorite?" CJ asked Josh as they walked.

"It's imposing," Josh replied. "It seems stately. It pretty much sums up what I think of when I think 'monument.' What's yours?"

"It's a hard question. Lincoln's is good," CJ said thinking it over. "I'm kind of partial to Jefferson though. He's got a good view of the Tidal Basin. Plus, he had a way with words."

"So did Lincoln," Josh reminded her. "The Gettysburg Address?"

"The Gettysburg Address is definitely a good speech," CJ admitted. "But, the Declaration of Independence is so elegantly written."

"You like writers," Josh said.

"I suppose I do have a soft spot for men who can write," CJ said as they came upon the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

They made their way up the steps to the interior of the memorial. Even though it was the middle of winter there were still quite few tourists reading the Gettyburg Address and getting photos with the imposing statue of Mr. Lincoln. It had been a long time since CJ had visited any of the monuments and she was suddenly much more appreciative that Josh had dragged her out of her warm apartment to do some sight-seeing.

"This was a good idea," she said as they walked around.

"Really? You didn't seem so convinced before."

"Well, I am now."

"Good," Josh replied.

"Maybe living like a tourist is exactly what we need to get back on track."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that Leo's right. We've been making silly mistakes lately. We have to get ahead of the game. Standing here looking at the legacy of someone like Lincoln? It makes you sort of refocus you know?"

"So living like a tourist was…"

"A good idea," CJ said sensing that Josh was looking for even further validation.

"What kind of idea?" he teased her.

"An excellent idea," she said before they were interrupted by a couple holding a camera.

"Excuse me," the woman said. "I'm really sorry to disturb you, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind taking our picture?"

"Oh. Sure," CJ replied.

"It's hard with two people to get pictures with you both in them," the woman said almost apologetically.

"It's no problem," CJ said taking the camera from her.

The couple posed in front of Abraham Lincoln and CJ snapped their picture. They walked back towards CJ and Josh and CJ returned the camera.

"I can take yours now if you'd like," the woman offered. "You two are such a cute couple."

"Oh, uh," CJ started to say before she cut off by Josh.

"We actually forgot the camera at the hotel if you can believe it," Josh said jumping in.

"Oh that's too bad," the woman said.

"The experience will have to be enough this time around," Josh said.

"Where are ya'll from?" the man asked.

Josh briefly looked at CJ before she quickly replied, "Ohio. Where are you from?"

"Charleston, South Carolina," the man said.

"Charleston is a great city," Josh said glancing at CJ as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "We visited there a couple years ago when President Bartlet was in town. Well, before he was the president anyway."

"I don't recall him visiting Charleston," the man said.

"It was pretty low-key," CJ said feeling a light blush creep into her cheeks. The visit might have been unmemorable to President Bartlet, but it was certainly memorable to CJ and Josh.

"Is this your first trip to D.C.?" the woman asked.

"Our first together," CJ replied playing along with the script that they had concocted.

"It's a great town," the man nodded.

"Oh, yeah, great," Josh said.

"Where are ya'll staying?" the woman asked. "We're actually staying outside the city in Arlington."

"We're staying in the city," CJ smiled.

"At The Willard," Josh said with a grin knowing that it was one of, if not the most expensive, hotels in the district.

"Well, we should probably actually be going," CJ said. "We have quite a few things left to see today."

"Oh sure," the man said.

"Thanks for taking our picture. Have a great time," the woman said.

CJ and Josh turned and started walking down the steps of the memorial before CJ leaned over and whispered, "The Willard?"

"We're from Ohio? What's wrong with my home state of Connecticut?"

"Did you have to bring up Charleston?"

"I thought I detected a hint of crimson in your cheeks on that one Claudia Jean," Josh said poking her in the ribs with his elbow.

"You're just lucky they didn't recognize us," CJ said.

"Relax," Josh said. "Technically it sort of it the first time we've seen the sights together. And, you're from Ohio. We were in Charleston. It all adds up."

"You know if you possessed any real social skills you'd give me a run for my money as Press Secretary," CJ laughed as they made their way to the monument.

* * *

Four hours later CJ and Josh returned to CJ's apartment exhausted. Between the cold air and the walking they were sent from a day of sight-seeing. Luckily they had decided to stop and have a late lunch, which perked them up slightly, but not quite enough to wake them up completely.

Josh entered CJ's living room and immediately collapsed on the couch. CJ went into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee, but once she had started the pot she walked into the living room.

"Scoot," she said when she saw Josh sacked out on the only sofa long enough to lay comfortably.

Josh scooted over and CJ lay down next to him. "I don't remember the last time I walked that far," CJ said. "We must do laps around the White House everyday and yet nothing prepared me for walking the monuments in January."

"It could have been the cold air," Josh said. "I'm seriously exhausted. I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight. I had fun though."

"Yeah," CJ replied sleepily. "I did too."

"So," Josh yawned. "Your favorite destination of the day was?"

"The Old Ebbitt," CJ said with a chuckle.

"Lunch doesn't count and we've been there a million times before," Josh reminded her.

"Okay, fine then," she said rolling over so her back was to Josh and her face was more buried in the throw pillow. "I guess I'd have to go with Lincoln."

"I converted you?"

"It was nice. Plus the bonus hot chocolate I got didn't hurt. Also, Jefferson's monument is a little boring when there's no chance any peddle boaters might fall into the Tidal Basin. I think my face might be wind-burned though."

Josh leaned over to take a look at her face. "It looks good on you."

"Thanks," CJ said giving a sigh of contentment. "So are you staying for dinner?"

"Do you want me to stay?"

"I thought we could get a pizza or something."

"Sounds good," Josh said snuggling into the couch. "I can't say I'm hungry just yet though. Tired, but not quite hungry."

"Yeah, me too. The coffee is perking," CJ replied as her eyes shut.

"Great," Josh said laying his hand on CJ's hip and letting his eyes flutter shut as well.

Josh and CJ never had the chance to order pizza for dinner. Neither did they have a chance to drink the coffee that CJ had made. Between the outdoors and walking they were both exhausted and they managed to fall asleep and sleep through the night.

Josh was pleasantly comfortable when he felt his pocket vibrate. His phone had awakened him from one of the best nights of sleep he'd had in a long while. Josh rubbed his eyes and glanced around the room. It took him a moment to realize that he was in CJ's living room, on her couch, curled up next to CJ.

She appeared to be slumbering peacefully and he worried that his movement and his vibrating cell phone would wake her. He quietly maneuvered his body around CJ's, which wasn't an easy feat considering his left arm had fallen asleep from sleeping on it over night. He sat up and CJ moved, but it soon looked like she hadn't woken from the movement. Josh, with the precision of an expert, stepped over her and stood up from the couch. He took a moment to rub his face and wake up before he walked into the kitchen. He turned on the light and pulled his cell phone from his pocket. He had missed a call from Stanley.

Stanley was calling to tell Josh that he could see him that morning and Josh, though he wasn't looking forward to it, decided that he should probably go talk to his therapist instead of imposing on CJ's weekend any longer. He called Stanley back and made an appointment. Josh turned the warmer on the full pot of coffee that they hadn't had a chance to drink the night before. He also scrounged around CJ's kitchen so he could leave her a note. After a few minutes the coffee was warm and Josh had also found pad of paper and pencil. He filled a mug of coffee and walked out to the living room to write CJ a quick note.

Josh was in the midst of placing the note on the coffee table when CJ opened her eyes.

"Good morning," she said.

"Hey," Josh said. "I was leaving you a note."

"You were sneaking out."

"I wasn't. You were asleep."

"I'm awake now. Is there something going on at work?" CJ asked sitting up and running her fingers through her hair quickly.

"No. Stanley called," Josh said feeling a little self-conscious.

"Oh, good," CJ said running her hand over her face. "Is that warm coffee?"

"Yeah."

CJ reached forward and grabbed the mug that Josh had been using and took a sip. "What time is it?" CJ asked.

"A little past eight."

"We slept all night?"

"It looks that way," Josh said.

"Wow."

"Yeah. So, I hate to run, but Stanley said he can see me at nine," Josh said.

"Go," CJ said standing up and stretching. "Don't worry about me."

Josh stood up from the chair and stood in the living room for a moment. "So," he said biting his lip, unsure of what to say. "I really appreciate it you being here for me yesterday and Friday."

"Josh, anytime. It's what friends do," CJ dismissed him.

"I know, but seriously CJ if you weren't home or willing to…you really helped me take my mind off things."

"I help you think less," CJ said with a hint of teasing in her voice.

"Exactly."

"Like I said, anytime," CJ said. "Now go see Stanley. Make sure you're really okay."

"I will," Josh said. He stepped forward and planted a light kiss on CJ's lips. It was an odd moment. They'd spent an entire day and two evenings together and they hadn't made any type of intimate contact. Suddenly Josh wished that they had and CJ did too for that matter. The light kiss quickly became more than friendly as Josh's lips massaged CJ's expertly. The lips and their bodies became more entangled and CJ's teeth tugged at Josh's bottom lip as he pulled away.

"Yeah," Josh sighed.

"Right," CJ said running her fingers along her lower lip, which could still feel Josh's morning stubble.

"I'll see you at work tomorrow," CJ said.

"Right," Josh nodded. "CJ I really do appreciate--"

"Joshua," CJ said putting a hand on his shoulder and turning him around. "Don't mention it. Now go see Stanley."

"Okay," Josh said as they walked to the door. "Next time we do the Lincoln Memorial we're bringing a camera."

"Count on it," CJ replied.

CJ shut the door to her apartment happy to have Josh intrude on her weekend. She hoped that he really did feel better about things after spending time with her. She hadn't even realized that a weekend with Josh, sex or not, was exactly what she needed.

TBC


	5. Everybody's Free to Feel Good

**Author's Note**: This takes place after Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail. The idea came out of the fact that I always thought it was kind of weird that Josh attended CJ's meeting with the cartographers when he didn't have to. I thought there was some good interaction in those scenes. Additionally, thanks so much for the reviews! I was little nervous when I first uploaded it since it is an unusual pairing.

* * *

"Everybody's Free to Feel Good"

"Come on," Josh said poking his head into her office. "We're leaving to get Sam drunk."

"Yeah," CJ said taking one last glance at the TVs in her office before shutting them off. Josh hovered by the door. Once she turned her attention away from the televisions to ensure that nothing of merit was going on she asked, "How come you came to my map meeting today?"

"Hmm?" Josh asked.

"The cartographers thing? I didn't pull the shortest straw, but it wasn't like we could sell tickets to it or anything."

"I thought it would be fun," Josh replied hoping she'd leave it at that.

"You thought you'd have a laugh?"

"Sure why not?"

"Okay," she said, but she gave him a look that made him realize he was suspect.

"Josh, CJ," Toby called from outside the office.

"Where's Sam?" CJ asked.

"We're gonna meet him there," Josh explained.

"Aren't we supposed to be getting him drunk?" she asked grabbing her purse from the hook on the door.

"Well he'll be one behind by the time he shows up, thus he'll have to drink faster, helping him achieve a state of total inebriation faster," Josh said.

"Do you think using words like thus and inebriation make you sound smarter than you actually are?"

"Sometimes?"

"Just checking."

"Are you coming?" Toby said impatiently. Donna was beside him organizing her coat and purse.

"I think someone needs a drink more than Sam," CJ commented as they walked out of the building.

An hour later Sam had shown up to the bar and CJ, Josh, Toby, Sam and Donna were all happily drinking at a table near the bar. It seemed oddly busy, they hadn't seen their waitress in a while and round two was going down fast. Sam seemed to be in a better mood than he had been all day, although no one was yet brave enough, or drunk enough, to ask him how the conversation with his father had gone and he didn't seem too eager to talk about it. So, instead, they talked about their Big Block of Cheese meetings. Toby seemed particularly excited about his.

"You should have seen it," Toby told them. "They had no clue. Full access to someone from the White House and they were the most disorganized, disoriented group of people I've seen since the last session of Congress. And the no cameras thing? God CJ, I really could make out with you for that."

"Consider it an early birthday present," CJ smiled at him.

"The sheer lunacy of giving away the cameras!" Toby said and he took a sip of his scotch.

"I know," CJ shrugged. "I thought it was a long-shot."

"How was your thing?" Toby asked CJ.

"Oh yeah you had the cartographers?" Donna asked.

"It was hysterical," Josh piped up.

"You went?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, I told you to come," Josh replied stealing a glance in CJ's direction. She'd been pestering him all day about why he'd shown up at the meeting. He thought that acknowledging that he'd invited Sam to come with him might get him off her back.

"My meeting was high on entertainment value," CJ said. "Although I gotta say, after meeting with them, I'm honestly not sure I know where the hell we are right now."

"They always sway you," Toby commented.

"CJ is a sucker for the crackpots," Josh ribbed her.

"Toby, seriously, if you'd have seen these maps," CJ protested. "Josh, back me up."

"He did mention the maps," Donna piped up.

"You mentioned the maps?" CJ asked him.

"I might have," Josh said finishing off his beer.

"Even though you were trying to make me laugh at the meeting?"

"It wasn't hard. Come on, the beginning of that meeting? You have to admit they sounded a little crazy."

CJ just gave him a look and talk turned to Sam's meeting though both he and Donna were kind of quiet on the details. CJ noted her empty glass and figured she'd never see the waitress again so she decided to go to the bar.

"What does everyone want?" she asked. "I'm taking orders."

"Scotch," Toby said.

"Beer," Sam replied flashing his bottle in her direction.

"Donna?" CJ asked.

"I'm okay," Donna said. "I'm actually meeting Stephanie for a late dinner. I should get going soon."

"Okay," CJ replied. "Josh?"

"I'm okay," he said.

CJ walked over to the bar and waited. It was busy but she was able to carve out a small nook between two bar stools. She flagged down the bartender and gave him the order when she felt a familiar hand on her lower back. Normally she'd be irritated that a random stranger had taken the liberty, but for some reason she knew who was behind her.

"Change your mind?" CJ asked.

"Yeah, I'll have a seven and seven," Josh told the bartender. The bartender nodded and went to make their drinks and CJ noticed that Josh didn't move his hand. In fact, she noticed that he inched a bit closer to her.

"You know what they say about beer before liquor," CJ told him quoting the first half of the popular drinking axiom.

"That's an old wives' tale," Josh shrugged.

"So why did you come to my meeting today?" CJ asked him again, for the fourth time that day.

"Entertainment," Josh replied quickly.

CJ gave him a look. "You don't think I'm telling the truth?" he asked.

"I think it's partially true," CJ said.

"Why do you think I came your meeting then?"

CJ was unprepared to be called out on her question. Luckily the bartender came back with their drinks and CJ grabbed hers first and took a long sip hoping that Josh would forget he asked a question. She'd been drinking grasshoppers all night and she was starting to feel pleasantly buzzed.

"Well?" Josh asked. "Why do you think I came to your meeting?"

"I think you came because you wanted to be there," CJ said.

"Really."

"Really."

"Why do you think I wanted to be there?"

"I think it was the equivalent of walking me to my car," CJ said pointedly.

Josh took a sip of his drink and weighed CJ's comment. She was right, but he wasn't sure if he should be so bold in telling her that. In the end he said, "What if it was?"

CJ grinned as she picked up Sam's drink and handed it to Josh. She grabbed Toby's drink with the other hand and scooted away from the bar. She leaned over and in Josh's ear she whispered, "I'd say it was good because I've been thinking about all the naughty things I've wanted to do to you since that meeting."

CJ walked back to the table and it took Josh a moment to close his mouth and comprehend what CJ had just said to him. He turned and followed her, shocked that she'd say something like that and just walk away.

"Are you kidding?" Josh asked almost incredulously. Unfortunately they had already arrived at the table and everyone heard his question.

"What?" Donna asked.

"What did she say?" Sam asked.

"You look shocked Josh," Toby commented as he took his drink from CJ as she smiled at him.

"It was nothing," Josh said, playing it off. "CJ was just giving me a hard time."

"I'll drink to that," Sam said with a smile. He was clearly enjoying himself now.

The conversation that CJ and Josh had returned to was more serious than the one they'd left. It seemed that after they'd left Sam had decided to open up about his father's infidelity, though he didn't seem quite as upset about it as before.

"Anyway," Sam said. "I suppose I should be happy that he was at least with the same woman for all those years. At least it showed he had commitment to something, if not my mom."

"Commitment?" Donna asked. "You're happy he had a mistress now?"

"Not happy, but the alternative is that he could have been shacking up with someone new every week. At least I know there was real feeling involved on some level."

"You think because he had the mistress stashed away for years it shows real commitment?" Josh asked.

"Well," Sam shrugged, "I figure if two people keep up a regular relationship like that, there must be something real there. I don't really believe people can have casual sex for years. There must be some sort of love behind it if it goes on for years right?"

"I guess," Toby said a little leery.

CJ glanced over at Josh and noted that he was suddenly very focused on his glass. She took what Sam said with a grain of salt. He was looking for meaning in a terrible situation. In honesty, if she really thought about her arrangement with Josh, she could say that it was based on love. She loved Josh she just wasn't in love with him. She knew that he felt the same way about things and so she allowed herself to continue to drink without much more thought.

Luckily, Sam turned to the topic of conversation back to Toby's meeting with the protesters and everything was back to normal. Although CJ felt that maybe she was just taking Sam's topic of conversation was too personally.

"Well, I hate to break up the party, but I have to meet Stephanie," Donna said standing up.

"No, Donna, stay," Sam said. It was clear that their plan to get Sam drunk was working.

"I would, but Stephanie is only in town for a few days," Donna said.

"She's a nice person," Sam commented. "Tell her I said hello."

Sam stood up and nearly fell over his feet to approach Donna. He threw his arms around her in a tight hug. "Thanks Donna," Sam said. "You and Steph have a really great dinner."

"I will do that," Donna said stifling a laugh as Sam finally let her go. "Are you all okay to get home?"

"I'm driving," Toby said.

Donna knew that Toby was perfectly sober. His tolerance seemed to be much higher than the rest of the group and he'd only had two drinks over the course of the evening. She felt okay about leaving them, though she was surprised by how much Josh and CJ had decided to drink. They weren't drunk yet, but one more drink would put them well on their way to being there.

"Okay. Have a good night," Donna said.

"Bye Donna," CJ called.

"See you Monday," Josh said to her.

The remaining group sat there for a moment and Josh suddenly wondered how CJ would be able to come back to his place if Toby was driving them all home. Josh only lived two blocks from the bar, but CJ lived much farther and Toby would think it was odd that she didn't want a ride home. He finished his drink and decided to worry about a plan once they decided to leave.

"Hey, where are the restrooms here?" CJ asked as she pushed her empty glass forward on the table.

"Downstairs," Josh said. "Come one, I'll show you."

"We'll be back," CJ said.

"We'll be here," Toby said as he watching Sam sip a new beer.

CJ followed Josh to the front of the bar and then down a flight of stairs. He stepped aside and put out his hand to show CJ the ladies' room.

"Thanks," CJ said as she slipped past him and entered the room.

Josh walked into the men's room and noted that he was alone. He looked at himself in the mirror and straightened his shirt collar. He pulled his tie down a little for a more casual look and laughed silently to himself as he primped before seeing CJ again. In truth he hadn't really absorbed any of the conversation since CJ had whispered in his ear, though he'd been a part of it. The only thing he could manage to concentrate on was the memory of how soft her lips were.

Josh pulled himself together and walked out of the men's room to wait for CJ. The restrooms in the bar they were at were fairly secluded. They were down a flight of stairs and there was even a small alcove area that shielded anyone in it from people coming up and down the stairs. CJ exited the ladies' room and looked surprised to find him there.

"Were you worried I wouldn't be able to find my way back?" she asked.

"No," Josh said walking toward her. "Was it busy in there?"

"In the ladies' room?"

"Yeah."

"As a matter of fact, no. I was pretty much the only one in there, which is odd because it--"

CJ didn't have a chance to finish her thought aloud because Josh had moved toward her, placed his hands on her waist and slowly backed her into the hidden alcove area. His lips crashed into hers hungrily and CJ wasn't one to fight it. She had been thinking about this moment for most of the day herself. She wrapped her arms lightly around Josh's neck and leaned back against the wall. She felt his hips press against hers and even though she knew it was dangerous territory that they were treading in a public place she let her tongue linger with his for a moment longer before pulling back.

Their faces were centimeters apart and their bodies were still pressed together. "We're in public," CJ said a little breathlessly, removing her hands from his neck and running them down his chest before dropping them at her sides.

"Yeah," Josh said biting his lower lip. It seemed to take him a moment to summon his strength to let her go. He finally took a step back and took a deep breath, rubbing his hand along his face.

"How much longer do you think we have to stick around?" Josh asked.

"Sam seems sufficiently drunk," CJ said.

"How are we gonna get back to my place? Toby thinks he's giving us all rides home."

"We'll figure it out," CJ said reaching out and running her hand along his arm.

"Yeah," Josh sighed. "We should probably…"

"Yeah," CJ said with a hint of regret.

Josh and CJ arrived back at the table to see Toby helping Sam stand up. They'd only been gone for a few minutes, or so it seemed, but Sam had already finished his beer. Maybe they had spent a little too long in the alcove downstairs.

"Hey, what's up?" Josh asked.

"Josh!" Sam yelled. "CJ! See, they weren't lost."

"I was about to send out the search party for you two," Toby said.

"There was a line," CJ lied quickly. Josh tried to overlook the glance that Toby exchanged with CJ. He wondered if he knew she was lying.

"Well Sam is about ready," Toby said.

"I am pretty drunk," Sam freely admitted.

"You okay there Spanky?" CJ asked. "He was so not this drunk when we left the table. What did you give him?"

"Nothing," Toby said.

"I'm embracing the buzz CJ," Sam told her.

"Embracing the buzz?"

"Exactly," Sam nodded.

"Okay," Josh chuckled. "Are you feeling any better?"

"At the moment yes. Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna guess not so much," Sam said with a smile.

"Mission accomplished," Josh said raising his arms in triumph.

"Will you help me get him to the car?" Toby asked Josh.

"Sure," Josh said taking Sam's other arm.

"I don't need help," Sam insisted, but not fighting their assistance.

"I'll drop you two off first," Toby told CJ and Josh as they walked out of the bar.

"It's fine," Josh said. "Take Sam home. We can walk."

"We can walk?" CJ asked.

"It's fine," Toby said. "It'll take fifteen minutes."

"Sam looks bad," Josh said. "Just take him and I'll walk CJ home."

"Sam is standing next to you and he resents the fact that you think he looks bad," Sam said a little too loudly.

"CJ lives twelve blocks from here," Toby said as they helped Sam walk toward the car, which was, regrettably, parked down the street. Sam tripped over the curb, even as Toby and Josh helped him.

"You know, maybe Josh has a point," CJ said seeing them struggle to help Sam. "Sam should get home. We're out of the way."

"You want to walk twelve blocks?" Toby asked.

"It isn't quite that far," CJ hedged. "You should get him home."

"I'm fine," Sam said. "A good night's sleep and I'll be right as rain. But why is rain right? Most people hate rain. Toby why is right as rain an expression?"

"You two are gonna leave me to pour him into bed?" Toby asked as they reached the car.

"It looks that way," Josh said.

"I should have had another drink," Toby sighed. Josh and Toby heaved Sam into the passenger seat. "You seriously want to walk?"

"I want to walk," CJ said. "Besides, Josh needs the exercise."

"Hey," Josh said.

"You live a very sedentary life mi amour," CJ said. Hearing her use her special nickname for him made Josh even more eager to dispatch Toby and Sam and get back to his place.

"Seriously, it's late," Toby said again.

"It's barely midnight," Josh said. "We'll be fine."

"Okay, I'm leaving then," Toby said a bit unconvinced.

"Goodnight," CJ said. "Thanks for taking Sam home."

"Yeah, thanks Toby," Josh said. He had the distinct impression that if Toby really knew he was making it possible for him to get lucky that he probably wouldn't have taken no for an answer to the ride home.

"Night Sam," Josh said. "Remember, a glass of water and two aspirin and you'll feel right as rain tomorrow."

"Toby, serrsly," he said slurring his words. "Why do they say right as rain?"

Toby shook his head as he started his car and pulled away leaving CJ and Josh standing on the curb. They waited until Toby's car had turned the corner before they started walking the two blocks back to Josh's apartment.

"Why didn't you jump on the walking bandwagon?" Josh asked her as they walked.

"Toby would have been suspicious," CJ said.

"No he wouldn't," Josh said.

CJ just gave him a look and he said, "Yeah, he would have."

"I know how to play to my audience," CJ said.

"Oh yeah? What's your audience now?" Josh asked tucking his arm under CJ's coat and running his hand along her backside.

"I'd say captivated," CJ said turning her body to face his a little more. She reached out and gave his tie a playful tug.

"Hey, what was that crack about me leading live a very sedentary life?" Josh asked.

"You're behind a desk all day," CJ said. "Don't worry though. I plan to give you a good cardio workout tonight. How long is two blocks?"

"Too long," Josh said as they picked up their pace.

It took a lot of willpower for CJ and Josh to avoid a very public display of affection on the streets. By the time they reached Josh's steps they practically ran to his apartment door. Josh fumbled with the key while CJ ran her hands down his back waiting to be completely alone. When he finally got the door open CJ was right behind him as they shuttled into the apartment. CJ kicked the door shut with her foot even as Josh was peeling off her coat and tossing it to the floor.

They had a well-choreographed dance of kissing and touching and making their way toward the bedroom, but tonight, in their zeal to be together they took a detour and CJ felt her butt bump into something, which turned out to be the kitchen table.

"Wrong turn," CJ said as Josh kissed her more forcefully on the mouth.

Josh peeled his lips off of hers for a moment to survey the fact that they were in his kitchen. He ran his hands down CJ's hips and cupped her backside as he lifted her onto the table. "Or not," he said with a mischievous gleam in his eye.

Josh expertly unbuttoned CJ's blouse as she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer to her. CJ, on the other hand, was having a problem with the buttons on Josh's shirt. She finally gave up trying to master getting the buttons through the holes and she took either side of the shirt and pulled sending all the buttons scattering on the kitchen floor.

"Seriously, again?" Josh asked pulling back for moment. That was the second shirt that CJ had pulled the buttons off of in the last year.

CJ tossed his shirt on the floor after removing it from his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close saying, "I will sew each and every button back on myself."

"Promise?" Josh asked resuming the trail of kisses he was planting on her neck and collarbone.

"Oh yeah," CJ said with a light sigh in her voice.

She could feel his body pressed against hers and she knew that it would only be a moment before things would be more urgent and yet they were in the middle of Josh's kitchen. It wasn't that she didn't think it would add an interesting dimension to their coupling, but she worried about the strength of Josh's table.

"Josh," she said as she helped liberate him from his pants.

"Yeah?"

"Are we staying here?"

"Hmm?" he said not really paying attention to her words, but instead focusing on her bra.

"Your table isn't the strongest I've seen," she said.

Josh also took a moment to survey the table and he saw the legs sway just a little when he purposefully nudged his hips into CJ's. "Point taken," he said.

CJ was readying herself to hop off the table when she felt Josh's hands cup her backside and lift her off the table. His strength was impressive as CJ was not a petite woman. She held onto him as he walked them into the living room because it was closer than the bedroom. He set her down on the couch and kissed her as he lay on top of her.

"That was sexy," CJ breathed into his ear.

"Yeah?"

"Very."

There was no time for talking and CJ and Josh finally gave into the passion that had somehow crept up because of cartographers. CJ thought she'd have to send a thank you note to the group that visited that morning. But then she wondered how you thanked someone for helping to inspire incredible sex.

* * *

A while later CJ and Josh lay on the living room floor breathless and exhausted. Josh had grabbed an afghan from the couch and they snuggled together until either of them could create a coherent sentence.

"Do you think Sam was right?" CJ asked Josh.

"What?"

"At the bar he said that his dad had a commitment to his mistress, which was better than a casual relationship," CJ explained.

"When did Sam say that?" Josh asked.

"At the table when we got back from the bar," CJ reminded him.

"He said that?"

"You weren't listening?"

"Not really," Josh said. "Someone whispered something very distracting in my ear and I couldn't really concentrate."

"Did I make good on my statement?"

"Oh yeah," Josh said pulling her closer. "In fact a few of the things we did might have broken some old Puritanical laws."

"That was the plan," CJ said running her hand down Josh's chest.

"Said the good Catholic girl," Josh smirked.

"But, seriously, do you think Sam was right?" CJ asked turning the conversation back to Sam's statement.

"About having a commitment?"

"Yeah," CJ said.

"Are you taking about us?" Josh asked, suddenly a little nervous.

"Not exactly," CJ said.

"Look," Josh said turning on his side to face her. "This is…I think our arrangement is a really good one. We've got some ground rules and it isn't like we do this a lot. Are you not okay with it anymore?"

"No, I am," CJ said quickly to dismiss his comment. "I agree with you. Sam was just talking about commitment and everything. I think you can care about someone and have an arrangement like what we have that's a little more…casual than some kind of all-encompassing affair."

"Are you saying you care about me?" Josh said adopting the vocal tone of a third-grader.

"Josh," CJ dismissed him.

"What? I care about you. I love you Claudia Jean. I'm just not in love with you."

"Well I feel the same way," CJ said.

"Good," Josh said. "Can we not get so philosophical now?"

CJ chuckled and ran her hand over her face. "Please! Sorry, it must be the alcohol."

"So let's talk about your penchant for ripping all the buttons off my shirts," Josh said.

"I just can't help myself," CJ replied with a little chuckle.

They stayed up chatting for a little while longer before they both fell asleep, happily exhausted and blissfully aware of the fact that they were both still happy with their little arrangement.

Josh awoke the next morning to find that CJ had started the coffee and taken his shirt with her from the kitchen floor. He didn't see it again until he went to work. She had left it on his desk wrapped in a bag. Josh took it out of the bag and noted that she had done pretty masterful work with the buttons.

"Did you have your cleaning delivered here?" Donna asked as she entered the office and saw Josh holding his shirt.

"Something like that," Josh said.

He glanced at the bottom of the bag to find a note that said, 'Double-enforced thread for next time.' He folded up the shirt and thought that he should send those cartographers a thank you note. But then he wondered how you thanked someone for a night like that.

TBC


	6. Not All Peaches and Cream

Author's Note: This chapter takes place between Two Cathedrals and Manchester Part One. Reviews are appreciated and encouraged. :)

* * *

"It's Not All Peaches and Cream"

Josh had put in another long day and he felt like the lack of sleep was beginning to catch up to him. He glanced over at his television and noticed that CJ was still briefing, or what she used to call briefing. Lately he'd taken to thinking that she was more like a Gladiator. They'd send her into the Coliseum with a sword and shield, but it was really no help when the tiger was released.

She looked tired and exasperated and she was clearly on the defensive, which didn't happen very often. He recalled the moment when he had briefed and CJ told him he was hostile. He hated to admit it, but at that moment CJ looked hostile and more than a little rattled.

"Donna," Josh bellowed as he looked away from the screen.

"Yeah?" she asked as she entered his office. She had her coat on and purse over her shoulder.

"You're leaving?" he asked, momentarily side-tracked from what he had intended to ask her.

"Yeah," she said.

"Am I leaving?"

"I'm glad you asked that," Donna said perching on the edge of his guest chair. "Yes, you're leaving a little early tonight; if eleven-thirty constitutes early anyway."

"I'm not really ready to leave yet," Josh told her.

"Okay, well I am," Donna said. He took a good look at her and noticed that she looked as tired as he felt. The difference was he thought that Donna would probably get sleep if she went home. So, instead of giving her a hard time, he decided to let her go. She had more than earned an extra hour of sleep.

"Okay," Josh said.

"Seriously?" Donna asked shocked.

"Yeah," Josh shrugged.

"Are you leaving?"

"Not quite yet."

"I should stay then."

"No," Josh said. "You should go. I'm just sticking around to talk to CJ after she gets out of the lion's den."

"It hasn't been good," Donna commented.

"So it wasn't just me then?" Josh asked, slightly relieved and slightly perturbed to know that his intuition about the briefings had been correct.

"She's seen better days in there," Donna said.

"Yeah," Josh sighed. He took a moment to watch CJ slam her notebook shut and book it out of the briefing room. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Are you sure you don't need me here?"

"I'm leaving in ten minutes," Josh promised.

"Okay, see you tomorrow then."

Donna left and Josh took a moment to arrange a few papers and notes. He tossed a binder in his backpack and made his way over to CJ's office where he found the door closed.

"She in there?" Josh asked Carol.

"Yeah, but," Carol hesitated. "I wouldn't go in there."

"Really."

"Yeah."

"I'll take my chances," Josh said knocking on the door lightly.

"Go away," CJ called feebly.

Josh ignored her response and opened the door only to find CJ sitting her chair with her head planted firmly on her desk.

"Are you sleeping?" Josh asked.

"No," CJ replied, not looking up.

"Meditation?" he tried again.

"I seem to recall telling you to go away," CJ said finally, slowly lifting her head. "Ow."

"What's going on with your neck there?" Josh asked.

"An unfortunate by-product of stress," CJ replied. He noticed how she barely moved her neck.

"You feeling a bit of stress Claudia Jean?" Josh asked, trying to be funny, but not really succeeding. She just gave him a hard look.

"You look tired," he commented.

"So do you," she shot back.

Josh walked behind CJ's desk and said, "Put your head down."

"Why?"

"Just do it," he said.

She obliged and he rubbed his hands together a few times and placed his fingers on either side of CJ's neck and started to rub.

"Ow," CJ said.

"Am I hurting you?"

"Yeah, but it's also the best I've felt all day, so keep going," she replied.

"Masochist," Josh said.

"Maybe," CJ replied. He could almost feel the grin creep to her lips, even though her head was down. Josh smiled to himself before moving on to a new topic.

"So, I saw briefing tonight," Josh said trying to dance around the subject that he really wanted to discuss.

"I'd call it a public flaying, but whatever floats your boat," CJ replied.

"I thought I noticed some blood on the podium."

"And it's all mine, wouldn't you know?"

"This last week has been a little crazy," Josh acknowledged.

"It's been _One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest_ around here," CJ corrected him. "The inmates are running the asylum."

"It was sort of to be expected," Josh said.

CJ lifted up her head, dislodging Josh's fingers from her neck. "No Josh, it wasn't to be expected," CJ countered. "If it was to be expected I'd have talking points and prep time and I'd be prepared for everything they're throwing at me in there. Instead I'm playing defense because up until the press conference we thought he wasn't running again."

Josh took in her statement and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Would you rather he wasn't running again?" he asked.

"Of course not" CJ replied. "I just…you and Sam and Toby, you've all had time to digest this and regroup and be happy. I feel like I was thrown to the wolves and they've been picking at me, piece by piece for the last week."

"I'm sorry," Josh said.

"It's not your fault," CJ said rubbing her own neck. "I just need some sleep, which, unfortunately won't come."

"You can't sleep?"

"No. Can you?"

"I'll have you know I got a solid 15 hours this week," Josh said with a smug grin.

"In an eighty hour work-week I'd say you're still running on a deficit," she replied with a grin.

"You should go home and get some sleep," Josh suggested. "Get out of here for at least a few hours."

"Yeah," CJ sighed. "I kind of did a stupid thing on Monday."

"What's that?"

"I walked to work."

"Okay," Josh said not really understanding.

"I don't feel like walking home. I can't sleep, but I'm too tired to walk all the way home."

"CJ, it's Thursday," Josh said. "You've been sleeping here since Monday night?"

"Hence the neck issues," she replied.

"Why didn't you call a cab?"

"I haven't been to the bank in about four weeks and a quick trip to the ATM isn't in the cards around here lately."

"You could've asked me for a ride. Come on, I'm taking you to your place right now."

"You don't have to," CJ feebly protested.

"Come on," Josh said forcefully, which was a slight turn-on.

"Okay, thanks," CJ said. She quickly collected her things, turned off her televisions and made her way out to Josh's car.

"How's the neck?" he asked as they drove.

"Better, but I could have used another ten minutes of your magic hands," CJ said.

"I think that can be arranged."

"You don't have to."

"I'm honestly not tired," Josh said. "I'd just go home and be up until two anyway. Besides, idle hands are the devil's playground."

"Trouble," CJ said finishing the line from _The Music Man_.

They made the rest of the trip to CJ's apartment in relative silence. Josh ruminated on CJ's comments back at the office and CJ thought about the myriad of mistakes she knew she had made in the briefing room that night.

Josh parked the car and they made their way up CJ's quiet street to the door of her building. "You're sure you want to come in?" CJ asked.

"Are you sure you want me to?" Josh asked.

"Of course," CJ dismissed him. "It'll actually be nice to have some company."

They made their way into the dark apartment and CJ tossed her purse on the table. "Take off your shirt and lay on the bed," Josh instructed her.

"Seriously? That's the approach you want to take?" CJ asked, giving him a hard time.

"Yes, for two reasons. One, you're the one who needs my magic hands and two, you know part of you really wants to obey my every command."

"That part of me must be buried deep, deep, inside," CJ said, but nonetheless, starting to unbutton her shirt and walking to the bedroom. She made a point of removing her shirt and tossing it over her head and in Josh's direction as she crawled on the bed. Josh caught her blouse in mid-air and caught a whiff of her perfume. He swallowed hard and tossed CJ's shirt on the top of her dresser.

Josh unbuttoned his cuffs and rolled them up before he crawled on the bed and straddled CJ's back. He warmed up his hands again and placed both of them on CJ's neck. She let out a loud groan, which indicated her pleasure with his ministrations, but it also made Josh's pulse quicken. He tried to put the thought out of his mind. He was here helping CJ. He didn't have any designs on getting her into bed. However, if things took a turn in that direction, he certainly wouldn't turn it down.

"Ahh, Josh," CJ groaned again. Then she giggled. "That sounded bad."

"It didn't sound bad," Josh assured her with a chuckled. "I liked the sound of it actually."

"I'll bet you did," CJ replied. "So, do you have a secret masseuses' license that you don't talk about?"

"This all God-given talent Claudia Jean."

"Then you should know that God has been good to you mi amour," she replied. She lay there and let the feeling of Josh's fingers running over her neck help to relax her muscles. She felt like she might even be able to move her neck in the other direction. Of course she also started to have impure thoughts about Josh and his magic fingers.

Josh worked on CJ's neck and then ran his hands over her bare shoulders, massaging the muscles forcefully. It was all CJ could do not to moan with relief. It was like she could feel the weight of the world being massaged out of her muscles.

Josh gave her shoulders a last rub and leaned over so that his mouth was close to her ear. "Better?" he asked softly.

CJ felt the tickle of his stubble on her earlobe and she quickly turned under him so that they were face-to-face. "Definitely," she said.

Before Josh really understood his actions he was leaning forward and placing his lips on CJ's. He kissed her fiercely, nervous that he'd taken her by surprise. It was then that he became acutely aware that she probably could feel his true intention between her legs at that very moment. For a moment he felt like a heel, but it was only for a moment because CJ returned his vigor by wrapping her legs tightly around his hips and bucking so that they were firmly together.

CJ kissed Josh with intensity. They'd been together many times before, but tonight seemed a little more unexpected and a lot more urgent than she could remember. She knew she couldn't sleep and felt enough pressure and stress to last a lifetime so why not release some of the tension? Before she knew it, she had Josh down to his boxer shorts and she was clad in only her bra and panties.

"So, I take it your neck feels better?" Josh asked as he kissed and nipped at her collarbone.

"So much better," she affirmed, running her nails down his chest. He hissed lightly and tried to control himself, but it seemed that CJ wasn't in the mood for a controlled evening because she allowed her hands to roam down his boxer shorts. She smiled when she saw the reaction her actions were having on him.

"Claudia Jean," he whispered. "I want you."

"Not more than I want you," she said quickly before covering Josh's lips with her own.

Josh didn't need much more than that to release his inhibitions and experience one of the best nights they'd shared in years.

Later, CJ was curled up on his chest and he felt something wet drip from her face. He was pretty certain it was a tear and he got nervous. "CJ?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" Josh asked as he felt the muscles tense in her neck again. It was then that he realized that she was crying. "CJ?"

She looked up at him and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. She wasn't crying hard, but a few tears had fallen. Part of him thought that maybe sleeping together tonight had been a mistake. But then he knew better and could tell that the tears were a by-product of the stress and uncertainty at work. Josh said nothing. He leaned forward and pulled her up into a tight hug. "It's going to be okay," he assured her.

He felt her sigh in his arms. "It's not okay Josh," she insisted. "It's not going to be okay. I don't know how you all do it."

"Do what?" he asked pulling away and situating himself so he was leaning against the headboard and CJ was leaning with her cheek nestled in his shoulder.

"Reconcile everything that's happened in the last week. The MS, Mrs. Landingham, he's not running, he's running, meetings with counsel, Haiti…"

"Babish has been beating you up hasn't he?"

"I'm sure it's the same for everyone," she shrugged.

"Something tells me it's not."

"You're right. I'm the only one who has consistently lied about things." She let out a tired chuckle. She had pushed the tears back and she was no longer in danger of crying.

"You didn't know."

CJ just shrugged. Josh wanted to ask her about it, but he decided it was probably better if they said little to each other about what they each knew. It would only be a matter of time before any private conversation they had came back to haunt them.

"As for Haiti," Josh sighed, "the stories had to be separated CJ, you know that."

"Do I?"

"You're still a vital part of the team."

"So vital I'm not needed," CJ said ironically. "You wouldn't understand the feeling."

"CJ--"

"You don't. You get to sit in your office and plot strategy all day. I get to stand in front of a mob of angry reporters and talk and talk and talk and Josh, the more I talk the better the case they can make against me. I don't have the perk of silence. I have to talk and I have to answer hundreds of difficult questions on three hours sleep and little to no direction from anyone."

"I know things are really difficult right now, but we need you," Josh insisted.

"I'm not so sure about that anymore," CJ said defeated. "You know, before the announcement and the press conference someone asked me if the water was over my head. I said it wasn't over my head, it was at it. If he asked me that same question today I'd tell him I was starting to drown."

"Then I guess it's up to me to pull you back into the shallow end," Josh said taking her hand. "I'm not gonna let you drown."

"You think you can stop it?" she asked with a small, sad grin. He was always so sure of himself. So confident. She wished a little of that would rub off on her.

"I know I can. The water is at my head too, but I'm swimming CJ. I'm swimming back to shore and I'm bringing you with me."

CJ leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips. "Thank you," she said. "Did I tell you that I liked your press release the other day?"

"No, you didn't," Josh said puffing his chest out a little.

"As much as it's the wrong time, it was pretty great," CJ said.

"I don't necessarily think it's the wrong time," Josh countered.

"It is," CJ said firmly.

It was then that Josh got a small knot in the pit of his stomach. He hadn't told CJ, but he'd sent the press release out that evening. He was sure she'd find out the next day and part of him thought he should probably give her a heads up, but just now she seemed so stressed that he didn't want to add to her list of worries.

"I'm gonna be watching your briefings," Josh said, his voice a little drowsy. "I'll make sure you're staying above water."

"Thanks," CJ said snuggling in next to him. "Think you're gonna sleep pretty well tonight?"

"Definitely," Josh replied, already dosing off.

"Good," CJ said. Josh fell asleep while CJ lay next to him, begging sleep to come, but not really falling asleep until well after two a.m. Before she finally dosed off herself she thought about the day, but mostly about Josh and how lucky she felt to have him around, making sure she was okay.

TBC


	7. Too Many Words

Author's Note: This takes place during Manchester Part II.

* * *

"Too Many Words"

It was getting progressively later. CJ sat at her laptop writing and deleting, writing and deleting, but with no real sense she was coming to the end of her task. She'd never actually written a letter of resignation before. She'd been fired once, and a few places had gone out of business, hence she'd never had the need to put into words her reasons for leaving. She usually stuck things out until the bitter end, regardless of what that end was.

She glanced at the clock and sighed. It had been a long day. It had been a long month. It started with the announcement that the president was running again. It included a disastrous gaffe in the briefing room and being benched on the crisis in Haiti and it would end, seemingly, with her resignation the day after tomorrow.

Toby had tried to talk to her about it, but she rebuffed him. Josh had tried to corner her earlier that day. He knew something was wrong. She didn't think he knew, at least when he cornered her, what her plans were. Although she as fairly certain that if Leo hadn't told him by now, then Toby surely had.

Suddenly Josh was who CJ wanted to see. She didn't want to talk to him. There had been too many words already. Too many word spoken aloud that just made things more complicated. She wanted to see Josh because if she was resigning in two short days, she wanted to have one last good memory with Josh. That was why she'd set out to his room at midnight.

CJ walked the hallway of the inn a bit nervously. There were people out and about. The upside of staying here was that everyone had their own bedrooms, which was a perk. The downside was that the inn was small and the odds of her running into Sam or Toby were high. Luckily by the time she got to Josh's door, not one had seen her at all. She rapped lightly on the door.

"CJ?" Josh said as he opened the door and saw her standing there. She was worried she had woken him, but he was still dressed and didn't look tired.

"Hi," she said scooting past him and entering his room. He glanced at her as she walked in and closed the door behind her. CJ looked around and noted that the television was off, there were no books or manuals strewn about and Josh hadn't been sleeping. She wondered what she had interrupted.

"You weren't sleeping were you?" she asked turning to face him.

"No," Josh said watching her rather intently. He wondered why she had decided to drop by at midnight. She looked tired and preoccupied by something. "What were you up to?"

"Writing," she said simply.

"The speech for tomorrow?" he asked with a smile that showed off his dimples. "Have Toby, Doug and Sam finally fought to the death?"

CJ grinned. "No."

"Starting your tell-all book then?"

"No it was…nothing important."

"CJ, Toby mentioned that--"

"I don't want to talk," CJ said cutting him off and walking toward him.

"But he told me that--"

CJ reached out and placed her finger of his lips to silence to him. CJ ran her finger down his lips slowly and Josh, shockingly, obeyed her wishes and said nothing when she removed her finger. He just looked at her.

"So, no talking," Josh said after a moment. He raised his eyebrows and said, "Whatever shall we do?"

"Well, I was thinking of telling you how good I think you look in jeans," CJ said as she wrapped her arms around his hips loosely. "After that I didn't really have a plan." She smiled at him as she stuck her hands into his back pockets and gave his backside a squeeze.

Josh wrapped his arms around CJ's waist and smiled at her, rubbing his hands up and down her back slowly. "Really?" he asked.

"Let's just say I kind of enjoy working weekends when I get to see you dressed in your casual ware." She leaned in and kissed him gently. Josh returned the buss and rocked slowly back and forth on his feet. When they broke CJ said, "I wasn't interrupting anything was I?"

"Definitely not," Josh said perching on the arm of one of the chairs in the room. "This is a surprise though. I don't think we've taken the show on the road since the campaign."

"Well I'm unpredictable," CJ said pulling away from him and removing her button down shirt, tossing it on the other chair. She moved back towards Josh and ran her hands down his thighs. She kissed him again, hungrily this time, which Josh returned, but with less vigor.

"CJ," Josh said. Since it was clear he wanted to talk, CJ decided to plant little kisses down his jaw line.

"Hmm?"

"I can't help but wonder what brought this on," Josh said.

She pulled away from him and rested her hands on his legs. "You don't want to sleep with me tonight?" she asked.

Josh pulled a face and ran his hand through his hair. "No, I just wanna know where this is coming from. Toby told me what you're thinking about doing and I just kind of feel like you're using this as an excuse to avoid reality or something."

CJ let out a groan. "Is there something so wrong with that? Haven't we had quite enough reality for a while?"

"CJ, I--"

"No," she said. "Josh what were you doing when I knocked on your door just now?"

"I'm sorry?"

"The TV is off, you weren't sleeping and I don't see any books lying around so what were you up to?"

"I was just thinking," Josh shrugged.

"About tobacco?" CJ ventured.

Josh made a face. "I'm tired of thinking about MS and Haiti and I have a feeling you're tired of thinking about tobacco and RU-486. Can't we just have an hour where we don't think about anything?" CJ told him.

She reached out for the lapels of his shirt. She pawed at it while she spoke. "There are too many words." She kissed him again. "I don't want words right now. I just want you."

Josh thought better of it, but only for a moment before he shed the shirt he wore over his t-shirt and reached for her. CJ had once told him that in victory and defeat they came together. He wondered what she would classify tonight as. It was surely a victory for the president. He was kicking off his re-election campaign. But somehow it made Josh wonder if CJ considered it her own personal defeat.

Josh contemplated it for a moment as he felt CJ's hand running down his chest, his hips and finally helping him remove his jeans. After that he really didn't have a thought aside from getting CJ out of her t-shirt. He reached out to her and expertly removed her shirt with one quick motion. She put her hand on his cheek and pulled his face towards hers.

Josh walked towards her as they kissed and CJ walked backward. They knew they were approaching the foot of the bed, but neither knew exactly where it was located until CJ crashed into the end of the mattress and fell backwards, pulling Josh down on top of her. She laughed and Josh smiled as they tumbled onto the fluffy comforter.

"That was graceful," CJ laughed.

"Very," Josh replied as he took a moment to run his finger across CJ's collarbone.

"I bet we make a pretty picture," CJ chuckled. She laughed even harder when she heard Josh's jeans fall off his ankles and fall to the floor in a crumpled heap.

CJ continued to laugh that wonderful, joyful laugh and Josh couldn't help but laugh along with her. As he laughed Josh had the fleeting thought of whether this might be the last time he would hear CJ's laugh and he decided that if it was, he wanted to make the most of it.

He silenced her laughter with a hard kiss, which she returned eagerly. CJ could feel her heart pumping against Josh's chest and it made her feel good and alive. She ran her nails mischievously down his boxers and along his hips, which caused him to buck unexpectedly.

"Is that how it's going to be tonight?" he asked with a grin.

"You bet your ass it is," CJ replied before squeezing her knees against his legs and flipping him over so that she on top of him.

"I think I live with that," Josh said happily.

CJ made mental note to remember the look on Josh's face at that exact moment. She gyrated her hips against his and made the most of what could be their last night together.

Later on Josh watched CJ as she crawled out of bed. "You're leaving?" he asked, leaning on his side and propping his head up on his hand.

"It's an early morning tomorrow," CJ said as she pulled up her bra strap and pulled her t-shirt over her head. "The hallways will be crowded."

"True," Josh replied, pushing down the slight feeling of letdown that CJ wouldn't be staying the night. He somehow always seemed to sleep better when she was next to him and he wasn't feeling particularly tired at the moment.

CJ found her jeans and pulled them on while Josh continued to look at her. She knew he wanted to bring up the resignation, but she still wasn't in the mood to talk about it. She hoped he would respect her silent wishes and just leave it alone. All she had wanted was time with Josh where she wouldn't have to think or talk about work.

"You know," Josh started to say, while CJ braced herself for the conversation. "Donna wondered if we had a uniform now."

"What?" CJ asked as she threw her button-down shirt over her white t-shirt. She also breathed a sigh of relief that Josh hadn't said anything about other issues.

"You and me," Josh continued. "We both had on jeans, a white t-shirt and a tan button down today."

CJ inspected the pile of Josh's clothes that lay on the floor and smiled, "I guess we did."

"I didn't notice it, but Donna seemed to think it was hilarious," Josh said.

"I suppose we did look like Raggedy Ann and Andy," CJ commented.

"Donna referred to it as more Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum," Josh smiled.

"Well I think we both know who she was calling Tweedle Dum," CJ said with a raised eyebrow.

Josh picked up a pillow and threw it at CJ as she slipped her shoes on. She tossed it back at him and seemed ready to leave. "Hey, don't forget your necklace," Josh said grabbing it off the nightstand and holding it out to her.

CJ walked over to the bed and grabbed the necklace, but Josh grabbed hole of her wrist. He knew he had to surprise her if he wanted to say what he felt he needed to say. "What you're thinking about doing," he said, looking her in the eye. "Don't do it."

"Josh," CJ sighed, wriggling her wrist out of his grasp.

"I know," Josh conceded. "I just can't let you do what you're thinking about doing without telling you that you shouldn't."

"So noted," CJ replied, clasping her necklace. She leaned forward and planted a kiss on his cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She started to walk towards the door when Josh said, "He can't do it without you."

"I'm not so sure about that," CJ replied sadly. "Try to get some sleep mi amour."

"You too," Josh said.

CJ opened the door and closed it behind her. Josh lay on his back and started up at the ceiling for a moment. His tumble with CJ was a nice respite from his own thoughts. He figured that was what she was going for; an escape from her own thoughts. But, now, in the silence of his room, he was left alone with just his thoughts. He got out of bed and threw on his pajamas, though he knew sleep was futile. He sat in the chair, where he was sitting before CJ dropped by and thought, until Donna found him there the next morning.

TBC


	8. The Veto

Author's Note: Takes place during season three's War Crimes. This also includes some callbacks to season three's On the Day Before, which is episode five.

* * *

"The Veto"

It was well after midnight when CJ was awoken by the knock on her door. She opened her eyes and got her bearings. She had fallen asleep on the couch with her briefing book on her lap. She ran her hand over her face and through her hair to wake herself up as she heard another knock.

"Coming," she said as she stumbled towards the door wondering who was knocking at on her door at quarter to one. She knew whatever it was that it couldn't be good. She swung open the door and saw Josh standing outside her door.

"Hey," he said when she opened the door.

"Hey," she said. "What's going on?"

"Hmm?" Josh asked.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked. "Is the president in trouble?"

"What?" Josh asked as he sauntered into the apartment. "No. Everything's fine."

CJ glanced at him as he entered her living room and took off his coat. She shrugged as she shut the door and locked it before she followed him into the room. "So you were just in the neighborhood?" she asked.

"Yeah," Josh replied.

"At one in the morning?"

"Yeah. Did I wake you up?" Josh asked, suddenly aware of the fact that CJ looked a little tired.

"I fell asleep on the couch," CJ said gathering up her briefing book and tossing it on the coffee table.

"Oh, sorry," Josh said sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it," CJ said waving him off. "So what's going on?"

Josh took a seat in the chair across from the couch and surveyed the room. "Nothing. I was out for a walk."

"Again I ask, at one in the morning?"

"I had to take care of something."

"And that would be?"

"Nothing I can really talk about," Josh said.

"But you're upset," CJ observed.

"A little," Josh replied.

"How bad is it?"

"I can't talk about it."

"So you came here to wake me up at one in the morning to tell me you're upset about something you can't talk about?"

"Well when you say it like it sounds bad," Josh replied.

"Josh."

"Everything is fine Claudia Jean. I'm just…Donna did something."

"What did she do?"

"Something really, really stupid," Josh said. "That's honestly all I can say about it."

CJ gave him a look.

"Seriously, I can't talk about it other than to say she really screwed up."

CJ didn't say anything for a moment. "Is this something I'm going to have to clean up?" she asked.

"No," Josh said confidently. "I took care of it."

"You're sure?" CJ asked seriously.

"I'm sure."

"So you're here because I'm your first call?"

"No," Josh shrugged. He stood up and paced back and forth a few times. "I'm here because I can't believe Donna. I can't believe she would do…what she did. I seriously wasn't sure whether I should be grateful that this was something I could clean up or if I should fire her."

"You wanted to fire her?" CJ asked surprised.

"I didn't want to," Josh replied.

"Josh, I know you said you took care of it, but what the hell did she do? You wanting to fire her is indicative of something pretty bad. How am I supposed to believe that it's taken care of?"

"I can't tell you," Josh said again. He walked over to the couch and sat next to CJ. "I honestly can't tell you, but it's fine now and it's nothing you need to worry about."

"Josh," CJ said wearily.

"I really didn't come over to bother you with this," Josh explained.

"No, you came because you're mad at Donna and you must think somewhere deep down that whatever it is that she did might turn into a problem," CJ replied.

"It isn't going to turn into a problem," Josh assured her.

"Do you remember once upon a time when you told me you could brief the press? It wasn't a problem? You had it taken care of?" CJ asked.

"That was different," Josh protested.

"I'm just saying, there's a track record with you telling me one thing and the exact opposite happening."

Josh took CJ's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I promise you that, aside from me killing Donna, you have nothing to worry about with the press," he said. His tone was jovial, but CJ could tell that deep down he was hurt by whatever Donna had done.

"Do you want to talk about it?" CJ asked leaning back on the couch. Josh didn't let go of her hand, he leaned back with her.

"Not really," he replied in a way that made CJ realize he really did want to talk.

"Okay, on a scale of 1 to Chernobyl," CJ began, "how bad was it; what Donna did?"

"What's a step below Chernobyl?" Josh quipped.

CJ just gave him a look of concern. "Sam said you were pissed at her, but I didn't realize it was such a big thing."

"Sam told you I was pissed?" Josh asked surprised.

"Come on," CJ said. "You know it's like junior high sometimes. He had some juicy gossip. I just didn't realize you were this mad."

"I'm not," Josh said without any conviction. "I just can't talk to her about it. She thinks we're fine now. I mean, not fine, but you know, I took care of it so she thinks we're good."

"And you're not?"

"Not really."

"She hurt you."

"No," Josh shook his head. "She…I don't know. Maybe she did."

"Did she hurt you emotionally or did she hurt you professionally?" CJ asked.

"Both I guess," Josh shrugged. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay. What do you want to talk about then?"

Josh paused for a moment. "How about the fact that you took Chicago in the football pool today?" Josh asked sardonically.

"Shut up," CJ said letting go of his hand and swatting his shoulder. "Chicago was a very calculated choice."

"CJ, the only choice that would have been worse would have been picking Detroit."

"I don't follow football Josh," CJ defended herself. "I like Chicago as a town and I like bears as animals so sue me."

Josh chuckled at her. "See, this is why I came here."

"To mock me?"

"To hear you say you like bears as animals so you chose Chicago for the football pool with such innocence."

"So, to mock me then?" CJ reiterated.

"Exactly," Josh said before he scooted closer to her on the couch. "And maybe this."

He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. CJ was taken aback by the gesture. She thought Josh had shown up on her doorstep for sympathy, not a booty call. However, she couldn't help herself and she felt her hormones take over and when she felt Josh's moist tongue lick her lips she massaged his tongue with her own. She even welcomed him as she leaned back on the couch and he collapsed on top of her.

"Josh" she breathed as he moved his lips down her neck and nipped lightly at her collarbone. She wanted to tell him to stop, but she couldn't quite get her brain to cooperate with her body.

"I forgot to tell you how good you looked the other night at the Nobel Prize dinner," Josh said as his hand wandered up her shirt. "That red dress was…"

"Thanks," CJ said as she kissed him again, one long, hard kiss before she broke the news to him that the night was going to take a turn he didn't expect. "Josh."

"Hmm," he said before crushing her lips onto hers again. The kiss was hungry and purposeful and CJ could remember a time when they were together that was just as passionate. It was a good memory, but tonight, underneath the passion, CJ could feel a hint of anger and she didn't want Josh to escape his problems with her. It would only lead to bad things.

CJ summoned her willpower and sat up, propelling Josh into an upright position. "You okay?" Josh asked with a quizzical look on his face. He was clearly surprised by her action.

"Yeah," CJ said swallowing hard. "No. We can't do this."

"We can't?"

"We shouldn't," CJ shook her head. She stood up and put a physical distance between herself and Josh. She worried that if she didn't, she might be compelled to jump on his lap and just go with what her body was begging for.

Josh stayed seated on the couch and ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry," he said confused. "I thought…can I ask what just happened?"

CJ ran her hand through her hair. "I don't want to sleep with you when you're upset about Donna," CJ said simply.

"What?" Josh asked confused.

"You and Donna had some sort of fight," CJ explained. "You're upset about her and you came over here to sleep with me to forget it. Right now that might make sense, but in the morning we're going to feel bad about it so I'm just helping us avoid the whole awkward situation."

Josh thought about what she said before responding. He stood up. "This isn't about Donna," he said finally.

"It's not?"

"No."

"So it's about a booty call then," CJ said.

"No," Josh sighed. "It's about…it's about feeling good after a couple of rough days. You know, two minutes ago I got the feeling that you were on board with this."

"I know. It's not that I'm…not," CJ sighed. "It's just a bad idea. When this all started we agreed to ground rules. I'm exercising my veto."

Josh laughed. "What?" CJ asked.

"It's just oddly appropriate that the president exercised his first veto last week and now all of sudden you are too." He laughed again. "Come on Claudia Jean, you have to see the humor."

"You think this is funny?" CJ asked with a grin.

"Kind of. Plus, you know, it's like two in the morning," he chuckled.

"Well I'm glad to see I needn't worry about your ego," CJ laughed.

"No, you're right," Josh said taking a seat again. "I did come here thinking that being together would take my mind off the whole Donna thing. That isn't fair."

"Things aren't going to be weird because of this are they?" CJ asked feeling calmed by his lack of anger over the situation.

"No," Josh dismissed her. "We're good. You're right."

"Can I get that writing?"

"Let me clarify: at this given moment in time you're right about this particular situation. You're not right about everything all the time."

"Just the fact that you're conceding it now is a win in my book," CJ teased him.

"I'm sorry I put you in this weird situation where you needed to tell me I was being an idiot."

"You weren't being an idiot. You were escaping from a really crappy day. There's nothing wrong with that." She walked back over to the couch and took a seat.

Josh looked over at her. "She really messed up CJ," Josh said.

"I know," CJ replied. She saw that he was angry and a little bit hurt by whatever Donna had done. She wasn't sure how to make it better, but she figured that just letting him talk might help.

Josh took a breath and exhaled deeply. "Do you think…do you think it's like this because we're too wrapped up in each other's stuff?"

"You and Donna have a unique relationship," CJ commented.

"Co-dependent," Josh said.

"Maybe a little," CJ shrugged. "You're very close. Carol and I are close, but we're not braiding each other's hair at a slumber party and giggling over boys."

"Okay, one, if you and Carol ever do braid each other's hair at a sleepover, call me. I'm talking speed dial. Two, I've seen you and Carol giggle over boys."

"Okay, fine, but you know what I mean. Carol knows about me, but not every tiny detail of my life. She doesn't live and die by my success and failure."

"You think that's how it is with me and Donna?"

"A little, yeah," CJ replied honestly.

"I guess that could be true."

"Look, right now you're upset and things seem bad," CJ said. "But if I know Donna, and I think I do, you're gonna go back to work tomorrow and she'll be there waiting to prove herself to you again."

"What if she can't?"

"She will. You won't let it be any other way," CJ said simply.

Josh was silent for a moment as he leaned his head back into the cushion of the couch. "Thanks," he said quietly.

"You're welcome."

"This might have actually been what I really needed," he said as he stood up and grabbed his coat off the back of the chair.

"What can I say, I'm a genius," CJ smiled at him.

"I'm not saying sex wouldn't have been right up there on the list."

"Of course not," CJ said standing.

"It's just probably not something I needed, like I needed the pep talk."

"Right."

"But this whole veto thing," Josh ventured. "Shouldn't there be some way to override?"

"No," CJ smiled. "When it comes to the veto we live in a dictatorship."

"What if I throw in a moratorium on grazing and stricter restrictions on the use of antibiotics in milk?" Josh grinned, letting his dimples show.

CJ reached out and tucked his shirt under his coat before zipping it up for him. "Tempting, but no."

"What if I promise not to run a good candidate in your district?"

"What if I say that this is one veto and the next bill that comes across my desk stands a much better chance at passing?"

"I can live with that," Josh said. "Thanks again."

"Anytime mi amour," CJ said leaning over and giving him a chaste peck on the lips.

"I'll see you in about four hours."

"That you will. I bet Donna will have the finest bagels in the land for you too."

"You're welcome to come get one."

"Good night Joshua."

"Good night Claudia Jean."

TBC


	9. Thankful

Author's Note: This takes place during season three's "The Indians in the Lobby." Reviews are appreciated.

* * *

"Be Thankful"

Josh and CJ walked side-by-side up the steps to her apartment. Mindful of the way things looked to the outside world they kept a respectable distance. Josh's backpack, slung over his shoulder, ensured that they didn't accidentally bump shoulders and ignite a firestorm.

"What time is your flight tomorrow?" CJ asked, making small talk while they climbed the steps.

"My flight?" Josh asked.

"Home. To see your mother. For Thanksgiving," CJ said slowly.

"Donna is still working on it," Josh said as they walked.

"You don't have a flight yet?" CJ asked.

"Not one that doesn't have a layover in Atlanta."

"You know Thanksgiving is a pretty reliable holiday Josh. The fourth Thursday of November, every year like clockwork should be easy to remember. Why did you wait so long to book a flight?"

"There was a…glitch in scheduling," Josh said.

"They canceled your flight?" CJ asked as she pulled her keys out of her purse and fumbled slightly to open the door.

"Not exactly."

"So?"

Josh was leaning against the wall outside her apartment; one shoulder on the wall, the other leaning in CJ's direction. "You promise not to laugh?" he asked looking slightly sheepish.

CJ looked at him with a smile before opening the door. "No," she said seriously.

Josh gave her a look, more playful than irritated. "I booked a flight to Connecticut."

"Didn't your mom move to Florida?" CJ asked.

"I'm from Connecticut," Josh reminded her.

CJ pushed open her apartment door and chuckled. "You forgot where you were going?" she laughed.

"Yes," Josh said following her into the apartment. "Okay, I forgot. Is it so hard to believe? I'm a very busy man dealing with a daily multitude of important and life-changing decisions."

"Who doesn't know where his mother lives," CJ finished for him with a laugh. "Wait until Donna hears why she's doing all this legwork for a flight."

"You're not going to tell her," Josh said tossing his backpack by the door. He hung up his coat and pulled down on his tie.

"I'm not," CJ agreed, hanging up her coat. "You are."

"Me? Why would I tell her?"

"Because mi amour, you have a big mouth," she said turning toward him.

Josh unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and made his way towards her, placing his hands firmly on her hips and backing her into the wall. "You love my big mouth," he said flirtatiously as he placed his lips on hers and kissed her deeply.

CJ wrapped her arms around Josh's neck and welcomed his tongue caressing her lower lip. She leaned her head back against the wall as Josh's mouth moved down her neck to the spot on her collarbone that always made her sigh audibly. He was absolutely right. She did love his big mouth and he was demonstrating one of the reasons she loved it very expertly.

Josh moved back to her lips and placed a few quick kisses on them in quick succession. He seemed a little distracted and he looked towards the kitchen. "It smells really good in here," he said.

"I baked last night," CJ said helping him remove his tie by unfastening the knot.

"You baked?"

"Pies," she said as she tossed his tie to the floor and unbuttoned his shirt.

"You baked pies?" he asked surprised.

"I can cook you know."

"I didn't say you couldn't. Pies just elevate it to another level."

"It's Thanksgiving," CJ shrugged. "I bring my brothers pie."

"What kind of pie?"

"Are you hungry?" CJ chuckled as she kissed his jaw line.

"No, I'm just intrigued by the pie thing."

"I made two apple and two pumpkin," she said.

"From scratch?"

"I bought the crusts, but otherwise, yeah. Oh, if Toby asks, tell him I made the crust from scratch."

"Toby?" Josh asked.

"I bake him a pumpkin pie every year," CJ explained pawing at his undershirt.

"You bake Toby pie?"

"For the last four years."

"You never baked me a pie."

"You jealous?"

"I just wonder why Toby rates a homemade pie."

"Toby loves pie."

"I like pie," Josh clarified for her.

"You _like_ pie. Toby has a borderline inappropriate relationship with pie," CJ said as she moved her hands down to his waistband and started to unfasten his belt.

CJ could tell that Josh as bit distracted by the pie and she laughed inwardly at Josh's slight jealousy over the fact that she had baked Toby a pie.

"Josh?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm not sure why the pie is a big deal, but I'd like to remind you that I bake Toby a pie once a year and yet, lately, I'm sleeping with you pretty regularly," she pointed out. "More specifically, I'm trying to sleep with you right now."

"And sleeping with you is much better than pie," he said not so confidently.

"It better be!" CJ said swatting at him.

"No, it was a fact. I was stating a fact," he said quickly turning all his attention on her.

"I'd much rather be doing this than having pie," Josh said seductively. His hand trailed up her leg and under her skirt. He loved the way that her nylons felt on his fingertips. CJ liked the way his hand moving up her leg felt and she lifted it to hip-level to pull him even closer to her.

Josh kissed her and his eyebrows perked up when his hand reached the top of CJ's leg. "Thigh highs?" he asked, pulling away.

"I had a run in my only other pair," CJ explained.

"I'd go through your underwear drawer daily with a pocket knife if I knew it would result in thigh highs," Josh said mischievously.

CJ laughed and pushed Josh away from her, taking his hand and leading him down the hallway to the bedroom. Josh followed obediently while helping CJ remove her suit coat. CJ knew they'd spend time later trying to put together complete ensembles from the trail of clothes that lead to the bedroom, but right now she wasn't too concerned.

By the time they got to the bedroom Josh was clad only his boxers and CJ was down to her underwear and nylons. CJ lay back on the bed and Josh knelt on the floor and began to kiss CJ's ankle, calf, knee and thigh while he removed her stocking. CJ let her head roll back on the bed and enjoyed Josh's ministrations. The feel of his lips, tongue and stubble on her inner thigh made her hips buck. When he'd removed both stockings, CJ sat up and pulled him towards her, wrapping her bare legs around his waist.

Josh felt CJ's nail drag along his chest and down his hip. The sensation drove him wild and he couldn't help but pull CJ closer. When they were together like this there were times when Josh couldn't help but feel like there was nothing better in the world. It was so easy and enjoyable. He knew her spots and she knew his and when she touched him in the spot where his leg and hip met he knew he'd do anything she asked of him in that moment, the feeling was so sublime.

* * *

A short time later, Josh was fluffing his pillow and CJ was watching him, pleasantly sated. "What do you have going on tomorrow?' Josh asked.

"I plan on getting out early," CJ said contentedly. "By noon hopefully."

"How come you did the turkey thing today?" Josh asked, settling in.

"The president is going to Camp David tomorrow and he wants to get an early start," CJ explained.

"You aren't worried that something's going to come up?"

"I'm always worried that something is going to come up, but for right now, I plan to be home by 12:30pm with a full six hours before my flight leaves for Ohio."

"How come you're leaving so late?"

"Because I'm always worried that something is going to come up," CJ replied. "Besides, it sound like you'll be around for a while tomorrow anyway Mr. I Forgot I Was Going to Florida."

"Donna has to make this flight happen. Why do they insist on a layover in Atlanta? It's a short flight," Josh said.

"I still can't believe you booked a flight to Connecticut," CJ chuckled.

"I lived there for like twenty years," Josh protested.

"It's kind of weird that everyone is going to be gone for Thanksgiving," CJ commented.

"With the family at Camp David, nothing is really going to be happening," Josh shrugged as his eyes fluttered closed sleepily.

"Yeah, it's just we're usually all around, together," CJ said.

Josh's eyes opened. "Well that's why we're together now," he grinned. He reached out and rested his hand on her waist. "It's only right to give thanks so close to the holiday."

"And you're thankful for sex is that it?" CJ smiled.

"Oh definitely. And don't make this about just me. You know you are too."

"I didn't say I wasn't," CJ agreed. CJ leaned over and kissed Josh softly. "'Night mi amour."

"'Night," Josh replied, his eyes already closed.

CJ looked at him for a moment before shutting her eyes and smiling to herself with the thought that sex was kind of an odd thing to be thankful for, but she certainly wasn't complaining, especially since she was so content that she quickly fell asleep.

* * *

The next day Josh was sitting in the Atlanta airport, feeling pretty good about his victory with the DeKalb DA when his phone rang, "This is Josh," Josh said.

"I hate you," CJ said.

"Well that's a heck of greeting Claudia Jean," he replied, taking a sip of his ginger ale.

"Where are you?" she asked.

"Atlanta. I had a layover."

"Good."

"I can't help but think you're mad at me right now," Josh said.

"I was done," CJ replied. "You cornered me coming out of the Oval when I was done."

"You're still mad about the Indians in the lobby?" Josh asked. "I'm sorry about that CJ, but it was a press issue."

"I know it was," CJ sighed. "It doesn't mean I can't be mad at you for dumping it on me. I told you I was done at noon."

"Well you're on your way to Ohio now—wait a minute, wasn't your flight at six? Where the hell are you?"

"I'm in my office!" CJ replied.

"Because of the Indians?"

"They just left."

"Should I get to the nearest TV? Is this a thing?"

"No, it's not a thing, but it took me six hours to make it not a thing and I'm not exactly feeling happy about what happened today."

"Did you help them?"

"I helped them reschedule their meeting," CJ shrugged. "We've got to do better."

"We will," Josh said confidently. "What time is your new flight?"

"Ten-fifteen," CJ replied.

"I'm sorry," Josh said.

"I'm just glad you got stuck in Atlanta," CJ said with a hint of good-nature.

"See, you say that, but I can tell you don't really mean it."

"Oh I mean it."

"Only a little," Josh said. CJ had to grin because she knew he was right.

"Tell your mom happy Thanksgiving," CJ said.

"I will. Same to your family," Josh said. He paused for a moment before adding, "Hey CJ?"

"Yeah?"

"In the spirit of Thanksgiving, you should know that I'm thankful for you and not just because of the whole sex thing."

CJ bit her lower lip to suppress another grin. "Me too Joshua," she replied. "Happy Thanksgiving."

"I'll see you on Monday," he replied.

"Bye."

Josh hung up the phone and took the last sip of his ginger ale. He wasn't sure what made him say it, but he was happy he let CJ know that he was thankful for her for more than one reason.

TBC


	10. The Option

Author's Note: This take place following season three's "The Woman of Qumar." Reviews are always appreciated! I still don't own any rights to these characters.

* * *

"The Option"

Josh entered CJ's office nervously. He wasn't sure how to approach the conversation he was about to have. He was conflicted and unsure about how things were going to go. Josh wasn't accustomed to having these feelings and he didn't like them. He was usually confident and knew what to expect, but right now he was confused. He knew that CJ seemed to be having a difficult day, for whatever reason, but he really felt they needed to talk. He bit his lower lip, summoned his courage and walked into CJ's office.

It was late and Carol had long since gone home. In fact, Josh had even let Donna leave for the night. It was a fairly safe bet that he and CJ were the only two in their wing of offices.

"Hey," Josh said, leaning against the doorway.

"Hey," CJ said looking up from a pile of papers. She was wearing her glasses, which, if Josh was honest, he'd always found to be a turn-on. He was fairly certain it stemmed from his fantasy of the naughty librarian telling him to be quiet.

"It's late," Josh commented entering the office.

"Yeah," CJ agreed.

Josh said nothing, instead he sat down in her guest chair and propped his feet up on her desk.

"Make yourself comfortable," CJ said sardonically.

"Don't mind if I do," Josh grinned.

"Can I help you?" CJ asked abruptly.

Josh didn't say anything for a moment. He was taking a moment to decide how to go about broaching the subject when it occurred to him that CJ was still upset.

"Hey, are you okay today?" he asked.

CJ paused for a moment and looked at him. "I'm fine."

"It doesn't really seem like it," Josh said.

"Yeah, well…" CJ sighed.

"Is this about Qumar?"

"Whatever would give you that idea?" CJ replied in a tone that indicated that it was clearly part of the problem.

"I heard about what happened with Nancy today."

CJ remained silent. "Yelling at the National Security Advisor in the middle of the hallway was probably not the best idea."

"Thanks for sharing that tidbit with me Josh," CJ replied snippily.

"I'm just saying…"

"I know what you're saying."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not really sure about anything right now," CJ said honestly.

"Okay," Josh said. He stayed silent for a moment before saying, "Can I do anything?"

"Can you unilaterally pull all support we give the Qumari government and governments like it?" she asked.

"No," Josh sighed.

"Then no."

"CJ, it's not…I know it seems bad, but there are a lot of governments out there that are a lot worse than Qumar."

"Josh, if the women went Amazon and started beating in the men in a very public, very degrading forum we wouldn't be having this discussion."

"I don't think that's necessarily true."

"That makes one of us."

"You can't take this so personally," Josh commented.

CJ was silent for a moment before she said, "You know you're right. I should be happy that all the men I work with, all the men in my life, think I'm the hysterical woman, blowing this issue out of proportion. What's a few public beatings between friends right?"

Josh was taken aback. "I'm sorry you're upset about this," he finally said.

"I'm sorry you're not," CJ replied seriously.

"Did something happen today? Something more than the Qumar thing, I mean."

"The Qumar thing," CJ said using air quotes with her fingers around Qumar thing, "wasn't enough?"

"You just seem unusually pissed," Josh pointed out. "If you need to talk--"

"Don't handle me Josh," CJ said interrupting him. "Toby has been doing it all day and I don't need it from you too."

"I'm not handling you," Josh retorted. "I'm trying to figure out why you've decided to adopt this as your fight."

"The Qumar thing, as you so thoughtfully put it, isn't important, is that what you mean?"

"No, it's not what I mean. Of course it's important. I just don't get where the passive aggression is coming from today."

"Of course you wouldn't," CJ sighed leaning back in her chair.

"What does that mean?" Josh asked.

"It means that there are days when it's exceedingly difficult to be the only girl allowed in the boy's clubhouse Josh. Today is one of those days."

Josh thought about that for a minute. "You're a valued member of the inner circle CJ."

"Sure I am," she replied. "On the days when we're not dealing with touchy women's issues. Do you know how Toby broke the Qumar news to me? I was in a staff meeting. We were in a room of fifteen people and he folded it in like it was no big deal. If anyone had wanted my actual opinion on Qumar, it wouldn't have been dropped on me like that."

"It wasn't a big deal," Josh said. "We weren't making a big deal about announcing it."

"Because we're ashamed of it Josh! I know it's hard for you to understand because your input is always considered, but lately I feel marginalized and not for nothing, but Qumar is only a small part of it."

"He listened to you on the beef briefing," Josh pointed out.

"Over the strong objections of Leo and Toby," CJ pointed out. She paused a moment before adding, "Thanks for sort of backing me in there by the way."

"You're the one dealing with the press everyday. I figure you've got a better handle on what will turn into a thing."

CJ sighed then changing the subject she said, "So what did you need?"

"Nothing, really," Josh shrugged.

"You obviously came by for a reason," CJ pointed out.

"It's not important," Josh dismissed her.

"Josh, I'm over Qumar okay? What's up?" CJ prodded him.

He waited a beat before forging ahead to his reason for stopping by. "Do you know Amy Gardner?"

"Amy Gardner?" CJ asked searching her memory. "Yeah, she works for one of the women's groups, right?"

"The WLC. Do you know her?"

"I know _of_ her. I can't say I actually know a whole lot about her. Is she a problem?"

"No. I knew her in college. I had a meeting with her today and she's different."

"Different?"

"Yeah. I was…I'm really not even sure how to say this."

"Josh?" CJ asked looking a little concerned. She saw his face change when he started talking about Amy and CJ felt her stomach drop a little.

"She's intriguing," he said.

"Oh," CJ replied, unsure if she was happy that this wasn't another problem she'd have to clean up, or slightly jealous because of how Josh described her.

"She asked me if I was dating Donna. Or Joey."

"Really."

"I was kind of thinking about asking her out," he said tentatively.

"Amy Gardner?" CJ repeated as more of a question. Josh tried to decipher if there was a change in her tone of voice or her facial expression, but CJ remained surprisingly neutral.

"Yeah."

"And you wanted my opinion on the matter?" CJ asked quizzically.

"No," Josh said. "Well, sort of, I guess."

"I'm a little confused."

"Yeah, that makes two of us."

After a beat she asked, "Josh?"

Josh gathered his courage and decided the best way to approach the conversation was just to forge ahead. "I was thinking that Amy might be someone who I'd like to ask out, but then I thought I'd give you the option before I did that."

"Give me the option?" CJ asked.

"You know, in sports, if you're a free agent, but you're on a certain team, they can exercise their option to keep you or give you to another team."

"And in this situation I'm the team you're on?" CJ asked.

"Yeah."

"And you're the free agent," CJ said clearly trying to decipher Josh's meaning.

"Yeah," Josh replied. "It's just that lately we've been spending a lot of time together, so I thought that before I ask Amy out, I should…you know."

"Give me the option," CJ finished for him.

"Right."

"And the option is what? Us, dating?"

"I guess so," Josh said nervously. He had dreaded this conversation all day. As soon as he realized that he had wanted to ask Amy out on a date he began to have a feeling of overwhelming guilt, as if asking Amy out would be like cheating on CJ. They didn't have any sort of agreement, except that they were there for each other when they needed some affection, but recently they'd been seeing each other more often and neither was seeing anyone else, which blurred the line as to what their relationship was.

CJ was silent as she thought about what Josh was asking her. "Is that what you want?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"Do you want us to be…to date?"

"I'm asking if that's what you want," Josh explained.

"I know, but you must have an opinion."

"I honestly don't know," Josh said. "When this all started it was casual and we saw other people, but, lately it seems like it's just the two of us a lot more frequently and I know I haven't been on a date in a really long time."

"Me either," CJ replied as she leaned back in her chair again and looked at him. "It used to be like once in a blue moon, but lately our thing has seemed more frequent."

"Not that I'm complaining about it. I know I initiate things just as much as you," Josh was quick to pipe up. "I just feel like things are getting…"

"Confusing," CJ finished for him.

"Yeah."

Josh couldn't be sure, but he thought that CJ's eyes looked a bit glassier than they were a minute before, as if she might be tearing up a bit. He couldn't handle it if she cried, but he was fairly certain that CJ would never allow that to happen. He knew he must be imagining the way her eyes shimmered in the light. But, if the tears were real then Josh was extremely confused as what they meant.

CJ sat for a moment and tried to collect her thoughts and emotions. Josh was absolutely right. Things had begun to get confusing. They had been spending many nights together, many more than they had originally intended when their little arrangement started.

CJ tried to press the disappointment she was feeling deep down into her gut. She hoped that Josh wouldn't notice. Part of her wanted to tell him no. She didn't want him to ask out another woman because she felt like she had some claim on him.

Would it be so bad to exercise her option? She could almost see how easy it would be to be with Josh, really be with him, as an equal; lover, friend and co-worker. It would never be as easy as it seemed, but somehow she found herself wanting it, even if only for a moment. But, on the other hand, she knew realistically that they'd never really work as a couple because of work and possibly their personalities.

Finally CJ summoned her courage and said, "You should go out with Amy."

"I should?" Josh asked, surprised that her response was that quick and decisive.

"We're not together," CJ said. "You shouldn't feel like you have to ask me about this. Our thing is supposed to be casual and no strings."

Josh said nothing and CJ added, "I think we crossed the imaginary line and I don't want things between us to be how they were before."

"Before?"

CJ gave him a knowing look. "During the campaign," she reminded him.

Josh nodded as he recalled that there was serious confusion before, when their arrangement first started. It actually wasn't so much confusion. Josh was fairly certain of his feelings back then. He'd even put money on the fact that CJ had the same feelings, but timing was a fickle friend. Josh still felt the sting of it sometimes and he wondered if CJ did too. They never discussed it. It probably helped them stay friends and keep up their arrangement, but at the time Josh wasn't so sure the pain was worth it.

"Yeah," he agreed half-heartedly. "You and I together would be problematic."

"At best," CJ said. "You're technically my superior."

"More than technically," Josh smiled at her. He loved to pull rank on her in jest, even if it was true.

"We work together, closely, everyday," CJ added.

"Toby would have a coronary," Josh said.

"Leo would kill us both," CJ replied.

"Sam would be nervous around us," Josh said.

"Donna would…well it would be weird," CJ said, correcting herself mid-sentence. She could tell that Donna had a crush on Josh, but Josh was sometimes so oblivious that she honestly couldn't tell if he knew about it or not and she didn't want to be the one to let the cat out of the bag.

"Yeah, I think the window has closed for us," Josh agreed with a hint of regret in his voice. "So I should ask Amy out then?"

"Enjoy yourself," CJ said, forcing a smile. Their arrangement had started out as sex, but somewhere it grew into more and CJ wanted to kick herself for that. She swore she'd never let it happen again and yet, here she was.

"Okay," Josh said, standing up. He waited a minute before adding in jest, "Hey, when Amy turns me down, or, you know, implodes…"

"You know where to find me," CJ said quietly.

"Are you going to be okay?" Josh asked before leaving.

CJ wasn't sure if he was asking if she'd be okay at work or with him dating Amy Gardner. She thought it was the former, but if it was the latter she decided to lie to him, "I'll be fine."

Josh didn't seem like he knew whether he should stick around or leave the office. He eventually decided to go.

"Have fun," CJ called, hoping he wouldn't turn around and see how it killed her to say it.

Josh didn't turn around. Instead he walked back to his office, set in his resolve to ask Amy out on a date. Though he couldn't help but feel a hint of regret because if he admitted it to himself, somewhere deep down, there was a part of him that preferred to be with CJ.

TBC


	11. Dream a Little Dream

Author's Note: Takes place during season three's The U.S. Poet Laureate with a callback to season one's Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc. My justification for this chapter? The smack down that CJ gives Josh in the office. Naturally I felt Josh would sort of like something like that.

* * *

"Dream a Little Dream"

Josh stood outside his office door waiting for CJ to return from the press conference. He'd come back to his office early and he waited impatiently for her to return. It had been a about an hour since she'd marched down to his office to berate him for going in online forums. Although part of him knew she was right to lay into him, there was another part of him that was annoyed that she'd decided to call him out in front of the bullpen and he was going to tell her so.

"Is it over?" Josh asked Donna.

"What?"

"The press conference," Josh replied.

"Yeah. Don't you have a TV in your office for times when you need to know when the president is finished giving a national press conference?" Donna asked as she filed away some folders.

"Where's CJ?"

"Probably walking back over here. Do you need her?"

"No," Josh said, shoving his hands into his pockets and leaning against the wall. "I just need to see her when she gets back."

"Don't yell at her," Donna advised.

"What?" Josh asked with a look of puzzlement.

"I know you," Donna said. "You're thinking about what happened before we left and you're thinking of bringing it up again. Don't bring it up again."

"Donna, I'm not going to bring it up again," Josh said. He paused a moment before adding, "However, if I were going to bring it up again, I think I'd be perfectly justified."

"Josh," Donna warned.

"I'm not going to bring it up again," he said. "You can get out of here if you want."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty much done here. I'm just waiting for CJ."

"And you're not going to bring it up again?"

"No, I'm not going to bring it up again."

"Okay," she said, not truly believing him. "When you do bring it up again, just go into your office."

"Excuse me?"

"I know there aren't many people around, but when you do bring it up again, and you will, CJ is probably going to win round two and I'd feel bad for you losing in front of the bullpen again." She gave him a smug smile and picked up her purse from the desk.

"Go home," Josh said.

"I'm going. Good luck."

"What do you need luck for?" CJ asked breezing into the bullpen.

"Claudia Jean Cregg. Just the woman I'm looking for," Josh said standing up straight and picking up step next to CJ.

"Joshua Noah Lyman," CJ replied. "What can I do for you?"

"Could you step into my office?" he asked.

CJ stopped mid-step. "What happened?"

"Nothing, I just need to talk to you about something."

"What did you do?" CJ asked.

"Just…can you come into my office?" Josh asked.

"Okay," CJ shrugged. She followed him down the hallway back to his office and noticed that Josh shut the door behind them.

"This is a closed door conversation?" CJ asked, tossing her purse and coat onto Josh's guest chair.

"Josh?" CJ asked.

"I was going to talk to you about the little conflict we had earlier," Josh started.

"It wasn't really a conflict and I thought it was over," CJ replied.

"As I said, I was going to talk to you about how I thought you yelling at me in front of the bullpen was a little unprofessional," Josh said.

"Unprofessional? Josh, going on a public web site and baiting the public is what's unprofessional. And secondly, I kept my voice at a reasonable level considering the can of worms you opened for my office," CJ started in on him.

Before she could start in on him further Josh quickly moved towards her and closed the space between them with a few steps. He put his hand on CJ's hip and his other hand in her hair pulling her face to his.

Before she knew what was happening Josh was kissing her. His lips covered hers and he felt her respond by pulling her hips into his. His tongue ran along her bottom lip, teasing and tantalizing her at the same time. Her hands ran down his shirt and to his belt buckle. Josh felt CJ's hands and swiftly cupped his hands on her backside, picking her up and perching her on the edge of the desk.

"Josh," CJ said, breathless as he nipped at her earlobe. She paused a moment and Josh could tell she was enjoying the sensation before she breathed, "So we're not fighting anymore?"

"Definitely not," Josh said as he felt CJ's lips on his neck. He decided to run his hand lightly over her thigh. He was very happy that she'd worn a skirt.

"Mi amour," she purred. It had been a long time since she used her nickname for him like that and it made him desire her more.

CJ pawed at his shirt and peeled it off slowly. Josh knew she was unsure of what they were doing because he was equally unsure. For one thing they were in the office and although it was fairly empty the chance of someone walking in was still there. Secondly, Josh was dating Amy. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help himself.

CJ began to kiss his ear and she murmured, "So what was it you were saying about being unprofessional?"

Josh felt himself smile. "I just kind of wanted to get you in my office," Josh admitted.

"Ah," CJ said wrapping her arms around his neck. "Clever."

Josh inched his hand between her legs and pulled at the elastic band of her panties. "Someone could come in," CJ reminded him, but not stopping him.

"You're absolutely right," he said kissing her again.

"Josh," she sighed. He closed his eyes and took it in. He loved the way his name sounded on her lips.

"Hmm, Claudia Jean," he replied, giving her leg a squeeze.

"Josh," she said again. Her tone was a bit more urgent than before, but Josh just assumed it was her need.

"Josh!" he heard her say rather loudly. Josh opened his eyes to see the top of his desk.

"Hi there sunshine," CJ said.

Josh took in the scene and realized that CJ was leaning against his desk and Josh had his hand firmly planted on her thigh. He also noted a bit of drool on his cheek. He was confused and he looked at CJ hoping she could offer some explanation.

"Good dream?" she asked with the hint of a smile.

"Huh?" he said quickly removing his hand from her leg and making sure his chair was pulled in as close to the desk as possible.

CJ bit her lower lip to suppress a wider grin. "Did you just get back?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said. "I was walking back to my office and I heard you talking in here. I came in to see what was going on. Good dream?"

"I wasn't dreaming," Josh lied as he ran his hand over his face.

"Really? It seemed like it," CJ said.

"I wasn't."

"You said my name."

"I did?"

"You did."

"I might have been dreaming," he admitted.

"A good one?"

"You could say that."

"I made an appearance?"

Josh looked at her and wondered if he could tell her. They were friends. They'd probably share a laugh about it, but ever since he started dating Amy he wasn't sure how much they could actually share anymore.

"You could say you played a very pivotal role," Josh finally said.

"Well you weren't mad at me, I know that much," she smiled.

"How do you know?"

"I heard you say my name. Several times actually."

"That isn't necessarily an indication of the type of dream I was having," Josh protested.

"Oh yeah?" CJ teased him. "Do you wanna head over the mess and get some coffee with me?"

Josh paused for a moment and considered his situation. He looked down at his lap and knew it would be a good five minutes before he could consider moving. "Nah, I'm not really thirsty," he said.

"And it has nothing to do with your dream and the fact that you'd rather not stand up right now?" CJ said suppressing a grin.

"You're really happy about this aren't you?"

"Not as happy as I think you're feeling." She stood up from leaning against his side of the desk and took a seat in the guest chair. She gave Josh a look.

"Okay, fine," Josh sighed. "I was having a sex dream okay?"

"And I was there?"

"You were the main attraction," Josh said a little sheepishly.

"You don't have to be embarrassed Josh," CJ said, as she stopped teasing him.

"You walked in on me having a sex dream about you. That's not embarrassing?"

"You'd rather have sex dreams about me in the privacy for your own home," CJ teased.

"Can we not…dwell on this?" Josh asked.

"Okay," CJ said.

"I should probably add that things with Amy are still going pretty well," Josh added.

"Josh," CJ said.

"Yeah?"

"It was just a dream," she said absolving him of his guilt for dreaming about her and not Amy.

"Yeah. I think it was the yelling," Josh offered.

"Hmm?"

"Earlier, when you came over to my office and yelled at me," Josh clarified. "I think that was what did it."

"Masochist," CJ chuckled.

"Yeah, well, I guess it reminded me of that other day you yelled at me."

"Which day was that? There have been so many."

"The day you were pissed at me for knowing Sam was with a call girl," Josh clarified.

"Ah," CJ said knowingly. "I remember that day."

"You were sitting at my desk with your feet up in that skirt. I gotta say it was pretty hot."

"You called me a Berkley, shicksa, feminista."

"Was that really worse than Yankee, elitist, jackass?" Josh countered.

"No," CJ exhaled with a grin. "I don't suppose it was."

"I don't know how I got through that day. All I could think about was how you bit your lower lip before you thought of the perfect response."

"I wasn't sure if I wanted to put your head through the window or throw you on the desk after that."

"Thank God we had Senior Staff after that or I'd have considered locking my office door," Josh chuckled.

"You can't say we didn't use our passion for certain situations for good instead of evil," CJ laughed. It was a mirthless laugh that left Josh wondering if she really wanted to relive the past. He had a hunch that talking about old time made her a bit sad, but he'd never talk to her about it. At least not now.

"Was that the beginning of things?" she asked.

"Yeah. After the whole Mandy thing during the campaign…don't you remember?" Josh wasn't sure if CJ honestly didn't recall or not, but he knew he had locked every moment of that encounter away in his memory.

"I definitely remember it," CJ admitted. "I guess I didn't realize it was the first time since the campaign."

"It was."

"It was a good time. I can't believe it was the first time since the campaign. Shouldn't have been slightly more awkward?" she joked.

"It was never awkward with us," Josh said a little too seriously for CJ's taste, though she was happy to hear him confirm what she always thought.

After a beat she added, "I think I'm going to think twice about yelling at you again. I didn't realize how it revved your engine."

"Or yours," Josh added.

"Right. What are you still doing here anyway?" CJ asked. "You came back to your office hours ago."

"Well, I fell asleep," Josh shrugged. "How was the thing?"

"You were there. What did you think?"

"I thought he did well. What did you think?"

"It was good. He's ready Josh."

"The president?"

"Yeah."

"Toby isn't so sure."

"Yeah well, it's in the bag. Call it feminine intuition."

"I know not to doubt your intuition," Josh affirmed.

CJ stood up. "I'm going to head over to my office and get a few things done. Have a good night."

"You too. Hey, it wasn't weird that I told you about my dream right?" Josh asked.

"No," CJ waved him off. "I think I could have used my deductive powers of reasoning to connect the dots anyway."

"You don't think other people heard me, do you?"

"No," CJ smiled. "I just happened to be in the right place at the right time."

"Lucky you," Josh replied.

CJ walked over to the door and said, "Goodnight."

She started to walk out the door when Josh stopped her. "Hey CJ," he called.

She turned and walked back over the threshold. "Yeah?"

"I've missed you lately," he said.

CJ took a moment to let it settle in. "I've been around," she replied.

"You were in Iowa then India," Josh pointed out. "I feel like we haven't really talked much lately."

"Well, you've been busy too."

"I'm glad you yelled at me today."

CJ smirked. "Sweet dreams mi amour," she said before turning out to leave the office.

"'Night Claudia Jean," Josh replied. He watched her walk down the hallway and clasped his hands together behind his head, leaning back in his chair. He wondered if maybe, for a minute, if he fell asleep quickly enough, if he could recapture his dream for just another perfect moment.

TBC


	12. The NonApology Apology

Author's Note: This chapter takes place between season three's Enemies, Foreign and Domestic and The Black Vera Wang. Reviews are appreciated and have a very happy and healthy 2010.

* * *

"The Non-Apology Apology"

Josh walked over to CJ's office and was met by a tall, imposing Secret Service agent. Her door was shut and Josh almost thought twice about going in, but ultimately decided it would be better to get it over with now rather than later.

"Hey Carol," Josh said to CJ's assistant.

"Hi Josh," Carol replied, smiling at him.

"Is she in?" he asked.

"Toby's in there right now," she replied. "You can probably go in though."

Josh noticed that the Secret Service agent gave him the up-down and it made Josh feel a little nervous. The president had been surrounded by agents since he knew him, but somehow, an agent guarding CJ's door made him feel slightly off his game.

Josh knocked on the door timidly. "Come in," he heard CJ call.

Josh opened the door slowly and he was almost happy to see Toby sitting in the guest chair. Toby's presence meant that CJ couldn't be too mad, but he was a little disheartened to see that CJ was sitting in her chair, facing the window, not looking at Toby.

Josh gave Toby a quizzical look, which Toby shook his head at. Josh didn't know if that meant, don't ask, or if he didn't understand what was going on either.

"Sam and I are meeting in the Roosevelt Room if you want to join us," Toby said standing up.

"Sure," CJ said turning in her chair to face them. "I'll have to check with my chaperone outside. The Roosevelt Room is kind of far for a girl to wander."

"Okay, well," Toby said shrugging as he looked at Josh. Under his breath he said, "Good luck." Toby walked out of the room and shut the door.

"So," Josh said, wondering how to gauge the situation. CJ had an attitude with him ever since he called the Secret Service to alert them to the threatening e-mail she had received. He hoped she was over it, but now that she was required to have Secret Service protection he wasn't so sure. Frankly Josh was happy that she had to be guarded. When he read the e-mail that she had blown off his stomach sank and he felt sick. Just knowing that someone was even thinking things like that about CJ made him angry and out of his mind.

"So," she said turning back to face the window.

"Come on CJ," he said taking a seat. "You can't be mad about this."

"Yes, I think I can Josh," she replied.

"Why exactly are you mad? Because I called the Secret Service? I've got news for you; you're not invincible. Someone over there needed to know."

"Says you," she said turning back to him and leaning her elbows on the desk.

"Yeah, says me."

"You didn't even think about discussing it with me first?" she asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Donna called you in here, you read the e-mail and all of sudden you're in charge of my life. You're getting Secret Service on the phone and making a big deal about nothing."

"You're damn right CJ. I can't imagine how you felt when you read that e-mail, but I know how I felt and it was sick and nervous and angry. I'm sorry you didn't have the same reaction, but there was something I could do about and I did."

"So I guess you're not here to apologize then."

"I'm not sorry," Josh said a bit indignantly.

"That's pretty obvious."

"Are you honestly that naïve? Your life was threatened. I'm not going to take that lightly. I don't understand how you can."

"I wasn't taking it lightly! It just wasn't a big deal and now it's this huge thing," she said.

"It should be a huge thing. Someone threatened your life," Josh said, his voice getting higher and louder. "Do I need to remind you what happened the last time someone's life was threatened in this administration?"

CJ was quiet for a moment before she realized that when Charlie's life was threatened, Josh was the one who paid the price with a bullet to the chest.

"The president told me the same thing this morning," she said finally. "I don't…I _didn't_ think it would escalate to that level."

"You didn't?" Josh asked, picking up on the way she changed tenses.

"The president called me to the Oval and I got to look at a bunch of really creepy pictures of myself today."

"What?" Josh asked, swallowing hard.

CJ bit her lower lip. She was afraid to really even articulate it. She had told Toby about in a round about sort of way, but telling Josh just seemed infinitely harder. "Apparently," she said swallowing thickly, "this guy has been following me. He took some pictures and Ron got them and…"

"CJ?" Josh prompted her.

"They were pictures of me at my place and on my way to work. This guy couldn't have been more than twenty feet from me Josh and seeing it just laid out on a coffee table like that..."

"You've got protection 24/7?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Good," Josh said.

"Just great," CJ said with an attitude.

"How can you be like this?"

"Like what?"

"You've got a chip on your shoulder about the protection. Someone is after you CJ. He's threatening you and now it sounds like he's hunting you. How can you not want protection?"

"Because I'm not a damsel in distress Josh," CJ said a little indignantly. "I can take care of myself and now I've got a shadow following me and telling me what I can and can't do all day every day. And let's not forget how it's going to look when I'm in the press room. I need to two fingers to count how many female press secretaries there have been and now I'm the one that was so feeble she needed protection."

Josh took in her outrage for a moment and he honestly didn't care. "CJ," he started, "no one gives a damn if you've got an agent on you. It doesn't undermine your integrity and no one thinks less of you. If I'd have gotten the e-mail or Toby or Sam or Leo, we'd have gotten protection the minute it happened too. We all know you can take care of yourself, but you can't protect yourself from the lunatic who's hell-bent on getting to you."

"I know that," CJ replied. "I know."

"Then why are you pissed at me?"

"Because I have to be pissed at someone and right now you're the guy okay? You're the guy who took my choices away from me. You're the guy who told Ron, who got the pictures, who showed them to the president and basically scared the living hell out of me. Maybe I was being cavalier about the e-mail, but seeing those pictures was terrifying and now in addition to losing control of my life and privacy, I have to wonder who's watching me every minute I'm not in this building."

"I know you're scared," Josh said. "I know that the e-mail and the pictures had to be terrifying, but CJ we're not going to let anything happen to you. It's why I called the Secret Service. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Not on my watch. You're going to have to be a big girl and deal with it and I promise you that I'll be here if you need me."

CJ chucked lightly and Josh looked at her quizzically. Her reaction wasn't what he was expecting.

"What?" he asked.

"I think you just gave me the non-apology apology," CJ replied.

Josh thought about what he'd said to CJ. He smirked. "Maybe," he conceded. "I think you do it better though."

"Of course I do," CJ laughed.

Josh gave her a fake frown and leaned forward in the chair, resting his elbows on his knees. "Seriously though," he said. "If you need anything…"

"I should call you and not rely on the armed guard outside my door?" CJ asked sarcastically.

"Exactly," Josh affirmed.

"You really can be very sweet sometimes."

"Yeah," he replied standing, "don't let that get around."

"Your secret is safe with me," CJ promised.

"You'll be fine," Josh said, more to reassure himself than to reassure CJ.

"Yeah."

"You've got agents now."

"I'm that special," CJ said trying to make a joke.

"You are," Josh said seriously. "They're going to get this guy. They're going to get him and when they do we're all hoping they'll let us into a room with him before the law deals with him."

"Now you sound like Rob Ritchie," CJ teased him.

"He's an idiot, but not all of his ideas are bad."

"Vigilantism…I'm ashamed to admit I kind of like it in this case and your case and the president's."

"Yeah, well…you're meeting with Toby and Sam?" he asked.

"Bruno has them working on something," CJ shrugged as she stood up.

Instead of walking to the door as CJ thought he would, Josh walked toward her desk and pulled her into a tight hug, which she returned with a deep breath from the depths of her fear.

"You're gonna be just fine," Josh said.

"Yeah."

Josh pulled back. "Okay," he said.

"I've got to get to that meeting," CJ said.

"Yeah. We're good right?"

"We're good," CJ nodded.

"Okay then."

CJ smiled at him before she opened her office door. Josh watched as the tall agent trailed behind her like a lost puppy. He would have laughed at the sight, if it didn't also terrify him. Josh made a mental note to get Stanley on the phone soon. Although the threat had nothing to do with him, he felt like he might need to talk about it with someone who would understand why his heart raced and his hands felt clammy when he heard more about the man following CJ.

TBC


	13. Crash and Burn

Author's Note: This is set during season three's finale. It's a little darker than the other chapters, but there were some things that needed to be dealt with. I hope you enjoy it and reviews are appreciated.

* * *

"Crash and Burn"

Josh drove in a daze. The more he drove, the more he thought he should probably have called a cab. It had been about twenty minutes since the phone rang at Amy's and here he was, driving down the road in a fog. He tried to think about the events that led to him driving like a maniac down the road at midnight.

"Honey, Simon Donovan's been shot," Amy had said.

Josh couldn't even recall his first thought when the words came spilling out of Amy's mouth. He took the phone, his heart racing thinking the worst. If Simon was dead, then what about CJ? Was she hurt? Had she been taken? Was she dead? Josh grabbed the phone from Amy.

"Hello?"

"Josh?" Toby asked, a frantic tone in his voice.

"Toby what happened?" he asked.

"Simon Donovan was killed," Toby said. He quickly added, "CJ is fine."

At those words Josh felt himself take a breath. He hadn't realized he wasn't breathing until he heard those words.

"She wasn't…They caught the guy. They caught him earlier tonight, but Simon left to get a candy bar, walked in on an armed robbery and…"

"How's CJ?" Josh asked.

"She asked me to call you," Toby said. "Did you know Simon well?"

Josh suspected Toby was curious as to why CJ asked him to call. She had mentioned to Josh that she had a little crush on Simon. He had teased her about it. He figured she'd kept that information from Toby. After the Danny thing it was pretty obvious that Toby would think a crush on her agent would be a bad idea.

"A little," Josh replied. "How's CJ?"

"She's…I can tell she was crying. I guess Ron told her and she disappeared for a while. She's not talking about it. It's not good."

"When do you come back?"

"Wheels down should be about 1:30 a.m."

"Someone's getting her home?" Josh asked as he checked his watch.

"Yeah, Secret Service is taking her to debrief her on the way. Sam is with her now but she's not saying much."

"She's probably in shock," Josh said.

"I guess."

"But they caught the guy before all this happened?" Josh asked.

"Yeah," Toby paused a moment before continuing, "He had some pretty unpleasant things in his trunk when they got him. He was on his way here looking for her."

Josh swallowed hard. He could have done without that nasty bit of information. "Can CJ talk right now?" he asked.

There was a pause on Toby's end of the line. "No," he replied. "Maybe tomorrow."

"Yeah."

"We won the vote?" Toby asked abruptly changing the subject as was his way when the topic of conversation became too tedious or uncomfortable for him. Josh suspected it was the latter. He knew how Toby felt about CJ. He was probably feeling as awful as Josh right about now.

"Yeah."

"Is Amy pissed?"

"Yeah."

"Is she still standing right there?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," Toby replied. "I gotta go. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Tell CJ…I'm sorry," Josh said.

"Yeah," Toby said as he hung up the phone.

Josh held the receiver in his hand for a moment before placing it back in the charger on the table.

"Is everything okay?" Amy asked.

"No," Josh said.

"I'm sorry about Simon," Amy said reaching out and placing her hand on his shoulder. "How's CJ?"

"Not well," Josh said. He suddenly didn't have any desire to be there anymore. Talking to Amy was the last place he wanted to be. He should have been in New York. He should have been there, but instead he had to stay behind and win a vote that shouldn't have been a problem in the first place. He pulled away from Amy.

"Josh, talk to me," Amy said following him.

Josh scoffed. "Now you want to talk to me."

"What?"

"Nothing," he dismissed the question. Amy looked at him and he explained himself. "A few months ago I wanted to talk to you and you stood in the White House and repeatedly told me not to talk to you and now…now you want me to talk to you."

"One thing has nothing to do with the other," Amy said.

"It doesn't--that's not the point."

"Then what's the point?"

"The point is that I should be there with them right now. I should be in New York with the president and my friends. I should be there to help Toby and Sam keep CJ together."

"CJ's a big girl Josh," Amy said. "The last thing she needs is an entourage of men hovering around her right now."

"You don't know that," Josh replied irritated.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," he said. "I don't want to do this right now."

"Do what? Have a conversation? I'm sorry about Simon, but don't get pissed at me because you're not there."

"You're the reason I'm not there!" Josh exploded.

"Excuse me?" Amy replied indignantly.

"I should be there and I'm not because I had to stay here and clean up the mess you made for me."

"How dare you Josh," Amy shouted back. "In case you hadn't noticed, you got me fired today."

"You quit," Josh retorted.

"Because I had to! I opted to quit before I could get fired and it was because of you. I gave you guys every opportunity to get the votes you needed and you refused because you'd rather win the way you want to win so don't you dare get pissed at me because you didn't get to go on the big presidential field trip."

Josh put both hands on either side of his nose and rubbed his eyes hard. He took a deep breath and instead of unleashing like he wanted to he got quiet. "I can't do this anymore," he finally said quietly.

"Excuse me?" Amy asked.

"I said I'm not doing this anymore," he repeated himself, turning towards to her. He walked over to the couch and picked up his backpack.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that right now a decorated Secret Service agent was murdered, one of my closest friends in the world was almost kidnapped by a crazy person and I'm not going to stand here and fight with you about a vote and a trip and…I can't do it anymore." He tossed his bag on the floor at his feet for emphasis.

"What do you mean by that?" Amy asked, calmer now than she was before.

"I mean, this," he said gesturing to the space between them, "is toxic. I'm not happy. Are you? I just got you fired and you got me a presidential ass-reaming. Is this fun for us anymore?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I'm serious."

"Josh," Amy said.

"You like to win and I like to win and we're both stubborn and it worked fine when we were on the same side, but lately Amy, it's like you're playing for the other team and it's not working."

"Are you saying you're done with this now?"

Josh paused for a minute and tried to quickly think about the last time he was happy with Amy. He couldn't readily come up with a moment when they were just being themselves and not political operatives.

"Yeah, I guess I am," he said. He picked up his bag and started to walk out of Amy's apartment. He heard her yelling something behind him. He knew she was angry, but he didn't have the energy to fight with her at that moment.

That was how Josh came to be in his car, driving to CJ's place, an hour before she was due back from New York. He hadn't intended to knock on her neighbor's door and ask for the extra key, but that's what he did. Somehow he knew he needed to be there for her because he was the only one who knew that her pain wasn't just about her agent being killed, but about a man she had feelings for dying that night.

Josh kept himself busy with paperwork while he waited until he heard the lock disengage and the door open. He stood up and walked to the hallway. He saw CJ standing there with her shawl dragging on the ground.

"Hey," he said.

She looked up, surprisingly unfazed by the fact that someone was standing in her apartment. Josh thought she looked incredibly tired and small if that was possible.

"Josh?"

"Yeah," he said, stepping forward. "CJ, I'm so sorry."

Josh walked toward her with his arms out to give her a hug, but CJ put her hand out in front of her to wave him off.

"I appreciate it Josh, I really do, but I feel like if I hug you right now things are going to get a little too real and I'm…it's late and I can't really deal with it right now."

"Okay," Josh nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "How about if you get into bed and get some sleep and I'll be out here on the couch if you need me for anything?"

He thought the look on her face was almost one of relief. "Okay," she replied as she tossed her shawl on the hook by the door. "How did you get in?"

"Mrs. Jennings let me in," Josh said.

"She thinks you're a nice man," CJ nodded as she walked by Josh. CJ leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "She's right about that."

"I'm out here if you need anything," Josh reminded her.

He watched CJ walk down the hallway and into her bedroom. She looked tired and beaten and generally miserable. He wished that she'd have let him hug her. If nothing else, than for his own selfish benefit, just to know that she was indeed in tact and okay.

Josh walked back into the living room and sat on the couch. He read a few briefs that he had neglected in the fervor over the vote and he thought about e-mailing Amy. He knew his exit wasn't dignified or right. In fact he felt like a bit of a heel for ending things and walking out the way he did. He thought he should probably do something to take the sting out of the end, but he'd wait until tomorrow to fix it. He was just getting ready to sprawl out on the couch when he heard footsteps down the hallway. It wasn't long before CJ was standing at the foot of the couch, still decked out in her evening gown.

"Josh?"

"I thought you were going to bed?" he asked.

"I can't sleep," she said. "Every time I close my eyes, I have these horrible thoughts in my head."

"Stanley would tell you they're just thoughts."

"I know," she replied. There was a slightly awkward silence that followed her comment.

"I was wondering if you would sleep next to me tonight?" CJ finally asked.

"Of course. Whatever you need."

"I just…I'm afraid to go to sleep."

"I'll be right next to you," Josh assured her as they made their way down the hall. "Maybe changing into something more comfortable might help?"

CJ glanced down at her dress. "I bought this dress when I was shopping with Hogan for a junior prom dress," CJ explained. "Simon…he told me he liked it. I'm never going to wear it again so I guess I just thought I'd keep it on a little longer."

"Okay," Josh said pulling down the covers on one end of the bed. He climbed into the bed and was suddenly unsure of how this should work. CJ had made it pretty clear that a hug would send her emotions over the edge and so he felt like he should keep his distance. He waited for CJ to get under the covers before he got situated.

CJ climbed into the bed and turned her back to Josh. He noticed how she curled up, pulling her legs closer to her body. He fought the urge to reach over and put his hand on her back for comfort. They lay there for a moment before Josh felt CJ's hand pull back and grasp his, intertwining their fingers.

Josh squeezed her hand to let her know that she wasn't alone. It was then that he noticed how her shoulders seemed to constrict and her head moved slowly. She pulled her hand away from Josh and wiped her face with the back of her hand. Josh knew she was crying silently next to him. He decided to ignore her previous warning of a hug and turned on his side to envelope CJ in a hug from behind. He was relieved to feel her grab his arm and wrap it around herself more tightly.

"I don't know what's going on Josh," she sobbed. "I feel empty."

"It's gonna be okay," he assured her.

"It's not okay now," she replied between tears.

"I know. I know it's not okay now and I know that Simon was someone that you were hoping you could have feelings for…"

"I did have feelings for him," CJ said turning towards him.

"Okay," Josh replied.

"And he had feelings for me," CJ continued quietly. "When they caught the guy…we were supposed to meet after the play. We were going to go out and it was going to be something real."

"I'm sorry."

"I told him not to come to New York," CJ said. "I had this bad feeling all day."

"You did?"

"I told him I'd be with Ron and the president's detail."

"He wanted to be there for you," Josh reminded her.

"He should have listened to me. If he had…"

"If he had he could have been in a robbery in D.C. or he could have been hit by a car," Josh reasoned. "His being in New York is not your fault CJ."

"You really believe that?"

"I really do."

"You think God gives everyone a number and when it's up, that's it?"

"I don't know. Maybe," Josh said thoughtfully. "I can't really explain how I got out of the fire that killed my sister or why that bullet didn't kill me at Rosslyn otherwise."

CJ ran her hands over her tear-stained face. She had stopped crying, but her eyes looked like hey could spill over again if pushed. She sat up and pulled her knees into her chest. Josh sat up with her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Did Toby tell you about the guy? The guy who was coming to get me?"

"Yeah, he did," Josh said swallowing hard.

CJ bit her lip. "He had a bunch of really horrible things in his trunk," she said. "I can't help but think about that. I'm trying not to, but its right there."

"Yeah, but you're safe now. You're here and he's in jail. He's going to jail for a long time."

"And Simon is dead," CJ said ironically. "He should be here right now. He should be the one here talking me through the awful mental pictures I have in head of what that psycho was going to do to me."

They sat in silence for a moment before she added, "I'm sorry. I don't mean that I don't want you here. I'm glad you're here because being here alone right now would be…"

"I understand," Josh said, cutting her off before she started crying again. He heard her voice crack on the last few words and didn't want her to get upset.

"You really do, don't you?" CJ asked leaning closer to him.

Josh put his arm around her and held her close for a moment, grateful that she allowed him that much. "I do."

Josh felt a few tears on his neck and he knew that CJ was trying to keep it together. It must have been hard for her on the plane ride back to stay professional in front of hundred people.

"I'm sorry," she said as she sniffled a bit, collecting herself.

Josh pulled back from her until she looked him in the eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry about," Josh told her. "You've had a hell of a night tonight and I wish I had more to offer you than saying I'm sorry."

"You knew I'd need someone here with me tonight. That's enough."

"You're going to be okay, you know that right?"

CJ didn't say anything. She just stared at a fixed point across the room.

"CJ?"

"Yeah," she said unconvincingly.

"Give it time," Josh said.

"Yeah," she replied. After a moment of silence she added, "I don't know if I'm going to be able to bounce back from this Josh. Not this time. I try to see the best in things, but…I feel like a part of me might have died with Simon tonight. Does that make any sense?"

Josh leaned back a little. It made him sad to hear CJ said that. After Sam she was usually the most idealistic person he knew. Sure, she was sarcastic, but that usually came from a place of wit, not cynicism.

"I think it might feel that way now, but I hope it's not true," he replied.

CJ turned her head over her shoulder and looked at him. "What if it is?" she asked.

"I don't think it is."

CJ leaned back against the headboard and sat next to Josh. There was something about him being that there that was a comfort. CJ had been in a daze since New York. Nothing seemed real. The night still didn't seem quite real, yet here she was, mourning Simon and coming to terms with what could have possible happened to her that night. It was an odd feeling of relief, guilty and sadness that she was having a hard time processing. She was relived that they'd caught the man that was after her, which in turn made her feel guilty because Simon was gone and yet part of her was relieved for herself. The sadness she felt needed no explanation.

CJ leaned her head on Josh's shoulder. "Shouldn't things be getting easier for us?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said placing his hand over hers. "They should."

"Thanks for being here tonight mi amour," she said using her pet name for him.

"Anytime," he said wrapping his arm around her shoulder. They sat there for a while in silence until Josh realized that CJ's breathing had leveled off and she had fallen asleep. It had been a while since they'd slept next to each other, but somehow Josh knew it was exactly what they both needed. He hoped they would both wake in the morning feeling better about things. Josh knew that it would be a while before CJ was back to her old self. He just hoped that she'd get there eventually and he'd be there to help her.

TBC


	14. Rock the

Author's Note: Takes place during season 4's College Kids. The reasoning behind this chapter is the welcome that CJ gives Josh when she sees that they've returned. There was something about the smiles that CJ and Josh gave each other, her concern about him sleeping and his response that made me think there could be something else going on. As always, reviews are welcomed and encouraged!

* * *

"Rock the …"

"Hey," Josh said poking his head into her office.

"Hey," CJ said, looking up from her desk.

"I meant to ask before, what was with the big welcome back?" he asked leaning against the doorframe and shoving his hands in is pockets.

"What do you mean?"

"The big smile," Josh said. "The speaking Spanish."

"Man of La Mancha qualifies as speaking Spanish?" CJ asked quizzically.

"All foreign language is sexy," Josh sighed before the word sexy as if he was searching for the term to describe it. "You seemed unusually happy to see me."

"I missed you," CJ replied casually.

"You didn't even realize I was gone until we called," Josh pointed out emphatically.

CJ paused for a moment before replying, "No, but once I realized you were gone I missed you." She gave him a large grin.

"I'll have to make myself more memorable on the plane so someone realizes I'm gone."

"I'll get you a little bell for your watch. You can jingle around all day."

"Okay," Josh said standing up straight and getting ready to leave.

"Hey, did you get Carol your memo on Title IX?"

"Yeah," Josh said evading the question.

"You want to give me the highlights?"

"I feel my work will be more appreciated if you read it."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. What are you doing tonight?"

"We've got the Rock the Vote thing. I have to do a meet and greet beforehand. You're going right?"

"Yeah, I'm introducing a band," CJ replied. "But what I meant was what are you doing later?"

"You mean after the thing ends at one in the morning?" Josh clarified.

"It's not going to go that late."

"Last call is at two."

"You're staying in Massachusetts for last call?"

"No," Josh shrugged. "Why?"

"I don't know. I was thinking you might want to grab a drink or something."

"You realize we're doing this thing at a bar right?" Josh mocked her as he leaned against the wall again.

"Yeah," she replied giving him a pointed look.

Josh raised his eyebrows at her. "So?" he asked.

"You're gonna make me say it?" she asked.

"Yeah," Josh said licking his lower lip quickly.

"I was thinking you could come over tonight, after the thing, if you wanted," she said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"I mean, it hasn't been that long since--"

"It's been a while," CJ interrupted him knowing he was asking about Simon.

"Okay," Josh said. "You're really sure?"

"I'm really sure."

"Okay," he said. It had been a really long time since they'd been together in that way. He was dating Amy and CJ was interested in Simon. Josh and Amy had broken up, but the death of Simon was still fresh for CJ and so he hadn't asked about their arrangement, even though there were a few times over the last few weeks when he wanted to.

"The thought of you wandering around the wilderness of Indiana got me thinking is all," CJ added.

"Thinking about what a virile, woodsman I am?" Josh inhaled deeply and puffed out his chest.

"That's exactly it," CJ said dryly.

"I thought so," he replied. "So I'll see you at the thing later then."

"Probably before then, but yes."

"Okay," Josh said shoving off the wall and leaving. The shooting and losing Simon, the possibility of Simon, had happened weeks ago. CJ watched Josh leave and she knew that she was ready for something real again.

* * *

CJ, Toby and Sam had been at the Rock the Vote event for about an hour before Josh appeared. Apparently his meet and greet took longer than expected. He walked into the bar and scanned the crowd for the group. He was still searching when a tall woman sidled up to him and said, "We're over here."

The woman walked in front of him a little and was holding two beer bottles. It took Josh a moment to realize it was CJ. She was out of her work clothes and had on low, hip-hugging jeans and a Rock the Vote t-shirt.

"CJ?" Josh said.

She turned and said, "Yeah?"

"Nothing," Josh shrugged. "I just didn't recognize you there for a minute. You're…the t-shirt looks good."

CJ stopped walking and took a moment to look down at her shirt. "Thanks."

"You're talking to me?" he asked.

"When was I not talking to you?"

"You were pissed about the memo I wrote."

"Not that pissed," CJ replied. "I'm gonna change your mind about that anyway."

"Are you," Josh said as more of a statement than fact.

CJ didn't respond, she just gave him a coy smile.

"Is everyone here?" Josh asked.

"Yeah," she replied loudly to be heard over the music. "Well everyone but you and Donna. Where is Donna?"

"She came in before me," Josh said scanning the area where CJ was leading him. He hoped she had gotten inside okay.

"I see her," CJ said. "I was probably at the bar. How was the meet and greet?"

"Long and tedious," Josh said.

"Sounds like you schmoozed well."

"Yeah," Josh replied. "Hey did Toby talk to you about anything tonight?"

"No, he mentioned he wanted to talk about college tuition. Do you have any idea what that's about?"

"I do."

"And?"

"And I'll wait for Toby to tell you about it."

"Should I be worried?"

"No, I'm not. I'm excited about it."

They got closer to the table. "Okay," CJ replied.

"Hey," Josh said leaning closer to her so his lips were by her ear. "I really meant it before when I said you look good in the t-shirt."

CJ felt a shiver up her spine and gave him a half-smile. "I'll keep that in mind."

An hour later CJ was fully briefed on the college tax credit plan that Toby and Josh had concocted. She had a bit of time to think about it and although she thought it was a good idea in theory she thought that Leo might have some problems with it. She was making her way off stage and back to the table to discuss it with the guys when she saw them out of the corner of her eye; Josh and Amy in the middle of the floor talking. She wondered what had happened and how it might affect their plans for later.

CJ made her way back to the table where Sam and Toby were still talking. "Did you guys see that?" CJ asked pointed down to Josh and Amy. She quickly noticed that the expression on Josh's face looked annoyed where it was interested a few moments ago.

"Josh looks annoyed," Sam supplied helpfully.

Toby surveyed the scene and watched Josh walk away from Amy quickly. "You think it has anything to do with Stackhouse?"

"Is Amy working for him?" CJ asked.

"Consulting, I think," Sam replied.

It didn't take long for them to find out because Josh returned to the table and informed them that Stackhouse was planning to enter the debate. They all took a moment to decide that pushing ahead on the tax credit was the right thing to do and Josh went off to get some intelligence on what was going on with Stackhouse and the debate.

It was a good half hour before the group started to break up. Toby and Sam left to firm up some words on the new initiative, Donna had gone home and that left CJ and Josh alone. CJ was still sitting at the table finishing off her beer when Josh came back.

"Where'd everybody go?" he asked as he took a seat.

"Sam and Toby drove together. They're writing remarks on the economy on the way back and Donna went home. She was still beat from your cross-country extravaganza."

Josh nodded as he took a seat across from CJ. He reached out and grabbed her beer, taking a sip. "So," he said.

"So."

"You saw me talking to Amy?" he asked.

"I did," she replied.

"I guess that means tonight is off."

"Not necessarily," CJ replied.

"You're not using your veto?"

"Are you still in love with her?" CJ asked pointedly. Maybe it was the beer, but she felt embolden.

"No," Josh replied after considering it for a moment.

"Then you're just attracted to her?"

Josh looked a little uncomfortable and he took another long pull on CJ's beer. "Yeah, maybe."

"You are," she said knowingly. "Look, if _you're_ uncomfortable with coming home with me tonight then that's okay. But, if it's because you think I'm uncomfortable because I saw you talking to Amy, I'm not."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

"What's this about?"

"What's what about?"

"You've used the veto for less than this, but tonight you're…I don't know. Are you sure everything is okay?"

"It's just sex Josh," she replied.

He gave her a hard look. CJ reconsidered his question for a moment. She knew, deep down, that she was okay, but how to articulate everything she was feeling to Josh, that was the hard part.

"I haven't been okay. The weeks after Simon was killed…you all know I wasn't doing so well."

"You were doing okay," Josh said.

"I wasn't. You know I wasn't and I know I wasn't. But I am now. I'm finally ready to move forward. Simon was a great man and who knows what might have happened if he was still here? But, I'm tired of living in the past and the 'what-ifs' that I've been holding onto lately. I'm ready for something real."

"You and me? We're real?" Josh asked.

"We're close enough to real," CJ shrugged. "I feel good when we're together. I mean, you're not gonna be thinking about Amy tonight are you?"

"No," Josh shook his head as he finished off CJ's beer. "Amy and I are…every time I think that maybe we could be something great, she shows her true colors and allegiances and they're rarely with me."

"It doesn't mean she doesn't love you," CJ offered.

"No, it doesn't. It just means she doesn't have my back. You can't be with someone you don't really trust."

"I'd drink to that, but you took the rest of my beer," CJ said with a grin.

"I did, didn't I?"

"So, you ready to go?"

"Definitely," Josh said standing. "Your place or mine?"

* * *

By the time Josh pulled up in front of CJ's building he was feeling nervous and excited. Although she insisted that she was ready to dive back into their sexual relationship, a part of him felt a little apprehensive. He didn't want CJ to jump back into anything she wasn't ready for. On the other hand, CJ was a woman who was very much in charge of her life and feelings.

Josh shut his car door and walked over to where CJ was waiting for him. "You're sure about this, right?"

"Yes," she reaffirmed. "Are you sure?"

"Have you ever known me to turn down a night together?"

"No. It doesn't mean you can't though."

Josh took a quick look around him and placed his hand on CJ's waist. He leaned in close to her and said, "I have no intention of changing the plan."

CJ feel a thrill go through her. It had been a good long while since she'd felt so turned on. She could feel Josh's breath on her cheek and she quickly took his hand and pulled him up the steps to the door of her apartment.

It didn't take long before they were upstairs slamming the door to CJ's apartment. Almost immediately Josh was pulling off his tie and kicking off his shoes. CJ tossed her coat her on the floor and motioned to pull her t-shirt over her head before Josh reached out his hands and stopped her.

"Leave it on," he said with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

CJ dropped her hands from the shirt. "You like it that much?" she asked.

"I will never look at a Rock the Vote t-shirt the same again," he assured her before he pulled her into him and kissed her roughly on the mouth.

CJ responded by opening her lips and letting her tongue tangle with his. It had been a long time since they were together and tonight they were going to make up for lost time. All the pent up sexual frustrations that they both had were about to be unleashed. There would be no slow, gentle lovemaking. Tonight was about need.

Josh ran his hands down CJ's body and gave her backside a slow squeeze. He then ran his hands forward toward her hips and lingered in the spot that he knew would illicit a reaction. He didn't have to wait long before CJ pulled her lips away from his to suck in the air and moan.

"Mi amour," she exhaled as she ran her fingers down his t-shirt. Josh could feel her nails through the fabric and he wasn't certain what was a bigger turn on; her use of her nickname for him or her touch.

"Claudia Jean," he replied as he buried his lips into the soft flesh of her neck. It was the wee hours of the morning and his five o'clock shadow tickled CJ.

She giggled and threw her head back. "Your beard is ticklish," she said.

"You like that?" Josh asked purposefully rubbing his chin back and forth on her neck.

CJ wrapped her arms around his waist and placed her hands on his butt and gave it a squeeze. "I love it," she said as she looked him directly in the eyes. "Come on."

She dragged him by the hand down the hallway to her bedroom. Before she knew what was happening Josh was pushing her back on the bed and yanking off her jeans. She laughed that loud, happy laugh that Josh had come to know so well. When he had her jeans thrown on the floor CJ reached forward and grabbed at the tails of his shirt. He fell gently on top of her and she tossed the shirt off his shoulders and freed him from his undershirt.

Josh hovered above her for a moment, leaning on his hands. He did a quick scan of her body, still clad in the Rock the Vote t-shirt and now only her panties. He certainly liked what he saw, but CJ was eager to move things forward. She reached up and grabbed his cheeks in one hand and pulled his lips towards her and kissed him deeply. He felt her legs wrap around his waist and she flipped them over so that she was straddling his hips. She smiled at him before leaning in. If Josh had to come up with a coherent memory after that point, it was impossible to recall. CJ had almost literally blown his mind that night.

Later he tossed his arm over her hip and nestled his lips next to her ear. "That thing you did before with the bending?" he asked. "You've been holding out on me."

"You liked that?" CJ chuckled. "I thought you might." She rolled over to face him. "There's a story to go along with it you know."

"Do I want to hear it?" he asked wearily.

"You do," CJ said. "You see in high school there was a guy's gymnastics team. I played basketball because I was tall, but I was also unusually flexible."

"I see where this is going."

"So, one day they passed this thing called Title IX and lo and behold girls could try out for the gymnastic team at my high school. It turned out I was pretty good too. So, if you'd like to praise my exceptional skills in the sack, you should really be thanking Title IX for helping you to enjoy a wonderful evening. Is there anything you'd like to rethink about your memo now?"

Josh just looked at her and grinned. His dimpled popped out and CJ knew she was probably in for it. "You know you might have had a good little story going there except for the whole premise of your school having a male gymnastics team."

"I went to a progressive school," CJ continued her tale.

"Oh yes, I forgot. I heard about that progressive Ohio high school with the male gymnastics team."

"If I'd said cheerleading would that have made it more believable?"

"An all-male cheer team that didn't let girls cheer? Not likely. It was a valiant attempt though."

"I thought so."

"You didn't change my mind about my memo."

"That's too bad," CJ sighed contentedly.

"Why?"

"I was just thinking, I only usually do the bendy thing, as you called it, when I feel someone is open-minded enough to handle it. Your stance on Title IX makes me think you can't handle it again."

"I can handle it. My thoughts on Title IX have no bearing on what I can handle in bed."

"I'm not so sure."

"What's it gonna take?"

"Lunch tomorrow wherein I get a good amount of time to change your mind," CJ replied.

Josh looked at her knowing that she'd definitely withhold on him if he didn't agree to the meeting. "Fine," Josh said. "But, I'm not making any promises."

"Deal," CJ said rolling over on top of him. "Now, maybe I should refresh your memory about that little move."

Josh wrapped his arms around her. "That sounds like a good idea."

"See, I can be very accommodating," she grinned.

TBC


	15. Temporary Things

Author's Note: Takes place during season four's Process Stories. Every time I watch this episode I think that CJ and Josh have a really nice chemistry in their conversation in the hallway and it annoys me that Amy is there ruining it. This chapter is born out of those feelings. Reviews are encouraged and appreciated!

* * *

"Temporary Things"

Josh popped his head into CJ's office after everything had mostly died down for the evening, or morning, actually. He already knew it was going to be a rough morning since it was already almost two.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," CJ replied as she was pulling the scarves from her lamps.

"Farewell to the House of Rising Sun I guess," Josh said shoving his hands into his pockets.

"The best things can only last for so long," CJ grinned. "What's up?"

"I was just checking to see if you were still around," Josh said a little sullenly. CJ could tell he was feeling a little down because of everything that had happened with Sam. Although he wanted Sam to run in California, CJ knew that deep down he'd miss him if he somehow won the election.

"I'm just cleaning up a few things," CJ replied. "It's going to be a rough morning tomorrow--or today I guess."

"I was thinking the same thing," Josh said. "It's been a long day."

"A good day," CJ reminded him.

"A good day, but a long day."

"I'll give you that."

"Stop by my office before you leave will you?" Josh asked.

"How do you know I'm not just sleeping here?" CJ asked.

"Are you?"

"No," CJ said with a little snort. "Sorry. I'm a little slap happy at the moment."

"It could be the champagne," Josh said.

"Nah, I've been sober for at least an hour."

"You'll stop by though?"

"I will," CJ assured him.

About twenty minutes later CJ had done the best she could in cleaning up her office. She decided that she'd better leave while she was still awake enough to drive. It wasn't that she wasn't used to late nights, but today had been a rollercoaster ride of emotion and she was ready for bed.

She slung her bag over her shoulder and turned out her office light when she remembered that she told Josh she'd stop by. She walked through the bullpen and noticed that Donna's desk was empty and her lights were off. CJ wondered if she and Josh were the last two people in the wing of the building.

She rapped lightly on the doorframe. "Josh," she said.

"Hi," he said looking up.

CJ walked into the office. "I'm headed home. Do you need a ride?"

"No, I'm good," he replied.

"Are you leaving soon?"

"Yeah, I was just…we won, but there's still a lot to be done you know?"

"I know," CJ nodded. She put her bag on the guest chair and walked over to Josh's side of the desk. She leaned on the corner of the desk and put her hand on Josh's arm.

"Are you okay with everything?" she asked.

Josh gave her a look of surprise. "Okay?"

"With Sam running?"

"I was the one who told you I thought it was a good idea," Josh reminded her.

"It doesn't mean you have to be okay with it."

Josh was silent for a moment. "What if I'm not?" Josh asked.

"I'd say that's to be expected," CJ replied. "Sam is your best friend. You don't really want him to leave, but he'll be back."

"Will he?" Josh asked.

"What do you mean?"

"If he loses, and he's going to, I worry that he won't come back."

"He loves working here," CJ said.

"I don't know," Josh said nibbling his lower lip. "It's just this feeling I have."

"It'll be okay," CJ tried to reassure him.

"Were you serious before?"

"When?"

"Earlier you said all great things must end. It's really true isn't it?"

"It's just a figure of speech," CJ countered.

"But it really is true," Josh said.

CJ paused for a moment and thought about it. "Everything ends," she said. "But endings are also the beginnings of something new. Sometimes endings signal something better."

"Sam leaving isn't better."

"For us, no," CJ said.

Josh pushed his chair back and stood up. He looked at CJ and said, "I'm not good with quick change."

CJ chuckled. "No you're not," she replied. "But you're gonna be okay. We're all gonna be okay."

"You know when you say it I almost believe it."

"Then just let me know when you need me to say it again," CJ said.

"Now wouldn't be bad," Josh said a little sheepishly.

"We're going to be okay. You're going to be okay," she said seriously. She reached out and squeezed his hand when she said it.

"Yeah, we are," Josh nodded.

They looked each other for moment and CJ let go of his hand before she said, "You know I half expected Amy to be here when I knocked the door."

"Amy? Why would she be here?"

"I don't know," CJ said standing up straight. "She was following you around like a lost sheep all night, so I didn't know if..."

She ended her thought with a shrug. "If what?" Josh asked with the hint of a smirk.

"If that was back on again," CJ finished.

"It's not. She put her coat in my office," Josh explained.

"And she needed to follow you around all night to make sure you didn't steal it?" CJ tried to joke, but there was a hint of seriousness in her voice. Josh was mildly amused by the thought that CJ might be jealous of Amy.

"Yeah I don't really know what all that about," Josh conceded.

"Josh, come on."

"What?"

"It wasn't obvious?"

"What wasn't?"

"She wants you back," CJ said.

"You think?" he asked. His face looked so innocent that CJ couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"What do women have to get men to take the hint if following you around all night didn't tip you off?"

"She was…that's just Amy," Josh explained.

"Sure, keep telling yourself that."

"It's not like that," Josh said. A silence fell between them before Josh continued, "I can't deny I'm still attracted to her, but tonight it wasn't…there was too much going on tonight for me to process anything Amy-related."

"Fair enough," CJ said.

"Besides," Josh added. "She wasn't the one I needed tonight."

CJ gave him a quizzical look. He reached out and grabbed her hand, interlacing his fingers with her.

"I never got to celebrate with you," Josh said.

"Celebrate the election? I think the aftermath of the party in my office would suggest otherwise."

"No I mean…" Josh seemed to try to search for the words he was looking for, but was coming up short. Finally he just leaned forward and placed his lips on CJ's. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. The kiss was soft and sweet and wholly unexpected. It took a moment for CJ to register what was happening. Once she did, however, she responded enthusiastically. Josh's tongue ran along her bottom lip and he felt CJ's fingers run through his hair.

It took a moment longer than either of them was proud of to realize that they were kissing in his office with the door open. They savored one more second of exploration before they pulled back. Josh took the opportunity to let his teeth pull on CJ's bottom lip lightly as they broke apart. It took a few seconds for CJ to catch her breath.

CJ's hands had come to rest on Josh's chest and she reached out and straightened his tie while he let her out of the embrace.

"Well," CJ said. "That was quite a celebration."

Josh smiled at her and his dimples showed. "Yeah," he said shoving his hands in his pockets.

"So that was?" CJ asked.

"My way of saying if Amy was following me around I didn't so much notice because I'd kind of been waiting for that," Josh replied. CJ thought she detected a hint of crimson in his cheeks.

"Okay," CJ said, feeling a blush creep into her cheeks as well. She reached her hand forward and ran her thumb across Josh's bottom lip to wipe away the trace of her lipstick that stained his lower lip.

"I should go. So should you. We've got to be back here in about four hours."

"Yeah. I'm on my way out," Josh said.

CJ made her way to the door. "Hey Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Before when I said things are temporary, I meant situations, not people. Sam might go and maybe he won't come back, but it's just the situation that'll have changed, not your friendship."

"Thanks."

"I'll see you later."

"Goodnight," Josh said as he watched CJ leave his doorway.

He stood there and thought about her words for a minute. In the end, he knew she had a point. Situations were temporary, but he knew deep down that the bond he had with Sam, and with Leo and Toby and CJ, was permanent. The thought made him feel better. The kiss he shared with CJ didn't hurt either.

TBC


	16. Phone Calls from 32,000 Feet

Author's Note: Takes place during season four's Angel Maintenance. I was struck by how Josh seemed preoccupied with how nervous Josh seemed about Air Force One and also him telling Donna to get CJ on the phone almost as soon as he found out about the plane.

* * *

"Phone Call from 32,000 Feet"

Josh read Donna's note again. He quickly tried to make sense of her penmanship and the implications of her note. There was a problem with the plane that much he understood. But, more to the point, the president was on that plane, and furthermore, CJ was on the plane.

Almost as soon as he was out in the hallway with Donna he had asked her to get CJ on the phone. Yes, there were things, important things, that he needed to discuss with her, not the least of which was the national security issues surrounding the turn of events, but mostly he just had a sudden, very urgent need to hear the sound of her voice.

Josh sat at his desk and stared at the phone.

"CJ is on line four," Donna called.

Josh picked up the phone quickly. "Hey," he said.

"Hey yourself," CJ replied. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Josh shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. "I think you're where the action is."

"Lucky me," CJ said. "What have you heard?"

"There's an issue with the landing gear," Josh replied.

"Anything else?"

"No," Josh exhaled a breath that sounded like a chuckle. "Do you think they're keeping something from you?"

"I don't know," CJ replied. "If there is a problem and they can't fix it I don't think they're likely to tell us up here. I figured they'd tell you."

"They'd tell me when they know I'd get on the phone with you?" Josh asked. "Not likely."

"Good point," CJ conceded. "So you've heard nothing and I've only heard what the president has told us, which is that they're not sure if they have the landing gear."

"Yeah," Josh replied. "How does that happen exactly?"

"I don't know; something about a light not going on. Will seems to think it's not a big deal so…"

"Will thinks it's no big deal?"

"He said sometimes the light doesn't go on."

"Well that's comforting," Josh said with an ironic tone in his voice.

"Yeah," CJ sighed. She took a moment before she said, "I've got a plane full of reporters up here."

"Is Danny up there?"

"No, but he's not the only one who asks probing questions," CJ said.

"You think they're gonna suspect something?"

"I think when the Air Force decided to do a fly-by it became a very real problem for me."

"Do you have a plan?"

"Right now Ed and Larry are looking for a comet or meteor shower to distract them," CJ chuckled.

"Well there's not chance that won't work," Josh said sarcastically. "What's Plan B?"

"A strip-tease to the Notre Dame fight song," CJ deadpanned.

"Well now I kind of wish I was up there. I'd love to see you pull that off," Josh replied.

"Who said it was going to be me," CJ shot back. "I'm volunteering Will."

Josh chuckled. "It sounds like you're in good spirits."

"I want to land, but I've got bigger problems. How are things down there?"

"I'm fighting with the Democrats."

"You mean Republicans?"

"I wish I meant the Republicans. Why is it so hard to be bi-partisan?"

"A question for the ages," CJ replied.

"Yeah."

"Have you seen Toby?" CJ asked.

"Yeah, he's around here somewhere."

"Look," CJ said before a short pause. It was almost as if she was re-evaluating whether to say something. "If you see him, will you tell him to call me?"

"Sure," Josh said feeling slightly puzzled. "I feel like there's something you're not telling me."

"There is."

"Is there a reason?"

"I don't want you to worry about it," she told him honestly.

"Let me be the judge of whether to worry," Josh replied.

CJ thought about it for a moment. "If you see Toby just remind him of section four in the crisis communication briefing book."

"What's section four?"

"Information on domestic issues," she said vaguely.

Josh didn't say anything in response as he thought about her comment. She was basically telling him that Toby needed information on what to do in the event that the plane crashed.

"Okay," Josh said, not saying anything to give away the fact that he was indeed worried about her based on the comment.

"Thanks."

Josh heard some muffled words and then CJ said, "Josh, I've got to go."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's almost show time."

"For the striptease or the other thing?"

"The other thing," CJ smiled.

"'Kay," Josh said. "Hey CJ?"

"Yeah?"

He wanted to say 'stay safe,' but he thought better of it and it came out as, "Good luck."

"Thanks."

She hung up the phone and Josh put his receiver back into the cradle. He looked at the phone for a minute and tried to push the bad thoughts he was having out of his mind. She would be fine. The president would be fine. The plane would land and nothing bad would happen. But, just in case, he decided to take a minute and do some of the breathing exercising that Stanley had recommended when he felt stressed.

* * *

_Damn Chris,_ CJ thought. Sure, having Will tell everyone to look out the opposite window of the plane wasn't the best plan. It probably would have failed anyway, but maybe not so spectacularly if Chris hadn't yelled to everyone that there was an Air Force escort out the opposite window of the plane.

CJ fidgeted with the phone cord as the switchboard connected her to Josh. She wasn't sure why, but she felt like she needed to talk to him. It was especially peculiar that she felt he would be the voice of calm in this situation. She needed to talk to someone and Will wasn't someone she knew very well. She couldn't talk to Charlie about it because for some reason she felt like she needed to project a collected, in control demeanor for him, lest he exploit it and get the upper hand on her one day. And Toby…well she'd just spoken to Toby and in his opinion was the press be damned. The story was embargoed and they'd just have to deal with it.

"CJ?" he said.

"It's me," she replied.

Josh felt his heart beat a little faster and a lump start to congeal in his throat. Ever since Donna found him and informed him that he had a call holding from CJ, he couldn't help but think that something bad has happened. It was ridiculous because why would Josh hear bad news from CJ before Leo or Toby knew about it, but he still couldn't shake the feeling.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I had to embargo the story," CJ said.

"They noticed the fighter jet outside the window?" Josh asked.

"Yeah," CJ sighed. "Not only did they notice, but they had a million questions, not the least of which revolved around sabotage and terrorism and they were all immediately picking up the phones and I had to do something."

She sounded a little frantic. It wasn't how Josh was used to hearing CJ. He figured part of it was due to the plane and the other due to the fact that they were hour 18 into a flight that wouldn't end.

"You cut off phones," Josh said knowingly.

"Yeah."

"You had to do it. It can't be a story right now. Not until you're on the ground."

"I know that and you know that and anyone with half a brain can figure that out. But Josh, they really hate me right now. They looked at me like…I haven't seen them look at me like that since the MS broke."

"They'll get over it," he assured her.

"I don't know."

"They will."

"I really want to land," CJ said.

"I know. We want you to land too," Josh said. After a moment he added, "Leo says you guys can pretty much fly around up there for days, maybe weeks."

"Josh."

"Yeah?"

"That's not a comforting thought."

"I thought it was."

"I was thinking that the sun eventually has to rise and by then we should have definitive confirmation on the landing gear."

"I guess that works too."

"Yeah."

CJ sounded so unhappy. Josh didn't know what to say to make her feel better. Talking to her had alleviated some of his fears, but he didn't feel like he'd helped CJ.

"You just need one," Josh said.

"What?"

"One reporter," Josh said. "You get one on your side and they'll all fall in line. They're like lemmings."

CJ chuckled. "I should take advice on the press from you?"

"Yeah. I've been told I'm great at dealing with the press."

"And by great you mean awful right?"

"I think if you lifted my lifetime ban from the briefing room you might see that I can be artful in dealing with the press."

"Josh, in the event that anything ever happens to me, I'm sending Toby into the briefing room before you. I may consider Mary Marsh as our designated spokesperson before I take my chances on letting you loose in there again."

Josh laughed. "Well it sounds like you'd better land soon if Toby, Mary Marsh and me are anywhere near a list for replacement press secretaries."

"From your lips…" CJ sighed.

"They only think they hate you right now," Josh assured her. "They'll come around."

"Yeah," CJ said looking at her watch. "What are you still doing there anyway? It's late."

"I'm not leaving for a while. I'm still working on this Chesapeake Bay thing."

"How's it going?"

"Not well."

"I'm sorry. It seemed like you were making progress."

"Yeah, I was. Hey, before, when you told me to remind Toby about section four in the binder?"

"Yeah?"

"There's some really crazy stuff in there."

"Yeah."

"You were pretty calm about it," Josh said.

"It is what it is," CJ shrugged.

"Seriously?"

"If there's nothing I can do about it personally, then why worry about it?" CJ replied.

"We're so different," Josh said.

"Yes, we are. You probably shouldn't have read it. It's going to be fine."

"How do you know?"

"I don't. I guess I just hope," CJ replied.

"You're pretty calm for a woman flying in a plane that might not have landing gear."

"It helps when you've got the distraction of twenty reporters from all the major papers staring daggers at you."

"You're more concerned about that than the landing gear?"

"At this point, yes."

"Okay."

"We're gonna be fine Josh."

"Josh?" Donna said as she stood in the doorway. She mouthed the word 'Leo' and when he nodded she went back to her desk.

"Hey CJ? I have to go," he said.

"Okay," she replied. "Hey, if you need to talk you know where I'll be. It's not like the press is really excited to have me around tonight."

"They'll get over it," Josh reassured her.

"Thanks. Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't let the parties get you down," she reminded him.

"I'll try. I'll see you when you land."

"As long as I don't have to celebrate my next birthday up here I'll be happy."

Josh smiled. "Oh wait, CJ?"

"Yeah?"

"When you land Donna is gonna be the one briefing you on Angel Maintenance procedures."

"Okay. I'll look for Donna when we get back."

"See you soon."

"Bye."

Josh hung up the phone. Although Josh knew that everyone up on Air Force One probably wanted to land more than anyone on the ground, Josh wasn't so sure he wasn't even more anxious for it to land. He had felt very tense about the situation, but talking to CJ helped. She was up there and her biggest concern seemed to be that the press wasn't talking to her. If she wasn't that concerned then he didn't feel like he should be either. There would always be that part of him that worried incessantly about the safety of those around him, but after a few conversations with CJ, Josh somehow felt like everything would turn out just fine.

TBC


	17. Faith

Author's Note: This takes place after season four's Evidence of Things Not Seen. It kind of runs in tandem with the previous chapter, Calls from 32,000 Feet. With Josh's PTSD I felt like he had two episodes in a row where stressful things happened and CJ was present for both of them. As always, reviews are encouraged and appreciated!

* * *

"Faith"

CJ looked through the peep hole and saw Josh standing outside her door. She unlocked the door and opened it.

"Josh?" she said.

"Hi," he replied. "I didn't wake you up did I?"

"No," she replied, ushering him inside her apartment. "I was just watching the cable networks' coverage of tonight. What's going on?"

"You poured me a drink," Josh said as he entered and removed his coat.

"What?" CJ asked puzzled as she shut the door behind him.

"Tonight, at the poker game, you poured me a drink and I didn't even thank you for it. I just took it."

"Okay," CJ said still trying to puzzle through what Josh was getting at. He seemed a little more frantic than usual, but she knew it was best to let him tell her what he was talking about rather than jumping to conclusions.

"I should have said something," Josh said as he paced a little back and forth. "It was nice of you and I just let it go by without acknowledging it."

"And you wanted to acknowledge it at one-thirty in the morning?"

"Yeah. No. I don't…"

"Josh," CJ said stopping his tangent. "It's okay. I was happy to pour you a drink."

"You were in the briefing room tonight," Josh said stopping in his tracks and looking at her in the eye.

"I was," CJ nodded.

"He shot at you in the briefing room," Josh stated seriously.

"Well, he wasn't shooting at me specifically, but I'm fine," CJ said taking a step towards him. "I'm here and I'm fine."

She knew that it was helpful if Josh was reassured of things when he was feeling panicky. Between the lock down and the malfunctioning light on Air Force One a week ago, CJ wondered if Josh was having a little bit of an episode even though he wasn't directly involved in either situation.

"You poured me a drink and I didn't say thank you," he said a little sadly.

"Well that's okay," CJ said reaching out and taking his hand, grounding him in reality instead of the what-if. "I'm still here and you can thank me next time."

"Yeah," he said squeezing her hand.

"You're very sweet sometimes you know that?" CJ asked him.

He stood there for a moment and bit his lower lip. "Can I…would it be okay if I stayed here?" he asked. "I just don't really want to be alone tonight."

"Of course it's okay," CJ replied. "Go get into bed and I'll grab you a water."

"Okay," Josh said letting go of her hand.

Josh had been unsure of going to CJ's and knocking on her door in the middle of the night, but he was compelled to. He had this unnerving need to tell her that he did appreciate her and valued her in his life. For the last two weeks she'd almost been in mortal danger and even though it didn't seem to bother her, it bothered Josh.

Once he found his way to the bedroom Josh removed his shirt and tie and tossed them on the chair in the corner of the room. He didn't have pajamas and he was grateful that the spring weather had brought a little warmth as stripped off his pants and tossed them on the pile of clothes. He got under the covers and took a minute to inhale the smell of CJ's pillow. Her pillowcases always smelled faintly of lavender and it calmed him.

"Here," CJ said handing him a bottle of water. She sat on the bed and drew back the covers getting into the bed.

Josh took a sip of water and put the cap back on the bottle. "Thanks," he said.

"So," CJ said as she got comfortable. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

CJ turned her head, "Your sudden need to come over here at one in the morning to thank me for a drink."

"Not really," Josh replied. "I just didn't want to be alone tonight."

"Okay," CJ replied.

They settled into bed and soon CJ could hear Josh's steady breathing and she knew he was asleep. She found that she wasn't very tired. It might have been odd, but she almost felt like the adrenaline and disbelief of the night were still coursing through her system. Eventually she drifted off to sleep herself.

* * *

Josh knew he was dreaming. There was something very disconcerting about being unconscious enough to be dreaming, and yet conscious enough to know that everything happening wasn't real.

He was walking through the West Wing.

"Josh," Donna said. "He's really cute. You should hire him."

Josh continued walking and Donna followed along for a few steps. "Hire who?" he asked.

"The guy. Joe," Donna replied.

"Did you hear the shooting?" he asked. "Where are the agents?"

"So are you going to?" Donna asked.

"Going to what?" he asked, irritated.

"Hire Joe."

"I can't…don't you hear the shooting?" he asked.

"They're shooting at the briefing room," Donna said.

"But they're in there," Josh said.

"Who?"

"Tell them to come to the briefing room," Josh said before he left Donna in he hallway.

He started to jog and then he ran to the briefing room. He tried the doorknob, but it was locked. He slammed his shoulder against the door a few times before the door jam gave way and he gained entry.

The room was dark and it was quiet. He stepped gingerly into the room and then he saw Toby on the ground, his shirt soaked with blood.

"Toby," he cried as he ran to him and covered his wound with his hands. Josh had an eerie feeling that this exact movement had happened between them before, except it was Toby covering Josh's chest, Josh's wound, with his hands.

"We were tossing cards," Toby said softly.

"Toby, it's gonna be okay," Josh said.

"CJ," Toby said pointing. "She was by the window."

Josh followed Toby's hand and that's when he saw her, a dark lump on the floor of the briefing room, no movement, no sound.

"CJ?" Josh asked quietly in disbelief.

"She's hurt," Toby said. "I'll be okay. She's hurt."

Josh took Toby's words as directions and he left him to walk over to CJ. He bent down on his knees and he touched her shoulder to turn her over. Once she was on her back he cried out to her, "CJ wake up," he said.

There was no response. He tried to check for a pulse, but he couldn't tell if she had one based on the fact that his pulse was pounding so rapidly that he could hear it in his ears. "CJ," Josh said again. "Please don't. CJ wake up. Please wake up."

Josh shot up out of bed and continued to yell, "CJ please wake up!"

CJ awoke to the sound of him shouting and she put a hand on his shoulder gently.

"Josh," she said.

"Please wake up!"

"Josh," CJ said firmly squeezing his shoulder.

He turned and looked at her, his eyes wide and filled with terror. He looked confused and CJ could tell he was waking up and trying to figure out where he was and what had happened.

"Josh, you're okay," CJ said.

Josh took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. "CJ?" he asked.

"You're at my place," she said. "You were having a nightmare."

"Yeah," Josh said licking his lips. His mouth was unbelievably dry.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I am…now," Josh said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," CJ replied. "It's fine."

"You like being woken up by a crazy person screaming at two-thirty in the morning?"

"You're not crazy," CJ reassured him.

Josh just looked at her as he took a swig from the bottle of water on the nightstand.

"Do you want to talk about it?" CJ asked.

Josh took a moment before responding. "I was dreaming about tonight," he said slowly. "Except Toby was shot and you…"

"Wouldn't wake up?" CJ ventured.

"Yeah."

"We didn't get shot," CJ reminded him. "Toby and I are both fine."

"I know."

"Is that why you came over tonight? You were still worried about me?"

"Stanley thought maybe I should talk to you," Josh said turning his body to face hers.

"You talked to Stanley?" CJ asked.

"Donna thought it might be a good idea," he shrugged.

"I think she was right," CJ said.

"You do?"

"You've had a lot to deal with lately," CJ said. "If talking to Stanley helps you then you should talk to him."

"Hmm," Josh said as he mulled over her response.

"You talked to Stanley about me?" CJ fished.

Josh shoved his fist under the pillow, lay back down and said, "Yeah, a little."

"How come he wanted you to talk to me?" CJ asked as she lay down and faced him.

"Apparently I mentioned your name a lot when I was talking to him," Josh said. "He thought I should tell you some things instead of telling him."

"So what are you supposed to tell me?" CJ asked.

Josh got quiet and buried his head a little bit further into the pillow in an attempt to hide his face. "Lately you've been in some situations that have kind of scared the hell out of me," he said.

CJ was quiet. She didn't prod, but she let him talk at his own pace.

"The plane thing and then tonight you were in the briefing room when the shots hit the window," Josh explained. "I feel in the like the last couple of weeks there's been a real chance of losing you."

"I'm still here," CJ reminded him.

"I wasn't with you," Josh said.

"Isn't that a good thing?" CJ asked him.

"I feel like I should have been with you guys tonight. I should have been on the plane with you," Josh said.

"You were where you were supposed to be," CJ told him. "And if it makes you feel any better Toby and Will were very protective when they pulled me to ground. Bad things happen, Josh. You don't have to be at the center of all the bad things in the world."

"That's kind of what Stanley said," Josh replied. "I could have just come over here and saved myself a couple hundred bucks."

"You really could have," CJ teased him.

"Seriously though, there's something I need to say," Josh said.

"Okay."

"I know this probably cheesy and I don't say things like this often, but you mean a lot to me Claudia Jean. I never want anything bad to happen to you."

She surprised by how touched she was at Josh's sentiment. Normally she'd tease him about it, but he was so sincere and direct that she couldn't help but feel her eyes get a little glassy. CJ reached out her arms and Josh rested his head her chest. She cradled his head to her and ran her hand gently over the back of his head.

"Me too. You mean a lot to me and I wish you didn't have to deal with the bad things," she said.

Josh wrapped his arm around CJ and held her tight to him as she held him to her. "You weren't scared tonight?" he asked.

"Sure I was," she replied. "But it all happened so fast. I'm still not sure I've processed it all yet. Did you know the glass was bulletproof?"

"In the briefing room?"

"Yes."

"Yeah," Josh replied. "You didn't?"

"I guess I never really thought about it before tonight. It's good to know."

"How are you so calm about all this?"

"About tonight?"

"Tonight, the plane, the guy that was after you," Josh elaborated.

"I don't know," CJ shrugged. "I guess I just have faith that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to."

"Faith? In what?"

"Toby asked me the same thing," she said. "Faith in us."

"I wish I had that kind of faith," Josh replied.

"You don't need it. I've got enough for both of us," CJ assured him. "I got an egg to stand on its end tonight you know."

"No you didn't."

"I really did."

Josh pondered that for a moment. "Do you feel any better?" CJ asked after a moment.

"No, but I'm getting there," he replied.

"Good," CJ said. She leaned down and placed a light kiss on the top of his head. "We're all okay. Just remember that."

They lay there for a while before CJ felt her eyelids get heavy. She gave into the feeling and closed her eyes, still cradling Josh in her arms. Josh feel asleep almost as quickly, his arms draped around CJ, grounding him in the reality that what she said was true. Everyone was okay.

* * *

Josh awoke the next morning slowly. First, he became aware of the fact that he was holding onto a woman. He let his mind wake up further and recalled that it was CJ he was holding. He opened his eyes and watched her sleep for a moment before looking at the clock. It was a little after eight-thirty. Josh thought about his schedule and was pleased to realize that it was Saturday. He didn't have to be in the office until ten.

Josh slowly let go of CJ and scooted over to the other side of the bed. He reached for the bottle of water on the nightstand and he took a long swig. He glanced over at CJ again. He hadn't noticed her attire last night. He was in the middle of staving off a breakdown, but now that he was feeling better he noticed how she wore a silky peach camisole. It looked soft and a bit sexy and Josh had the impulse to reach over and run his fingers down her side.

CJ inhaled deeply and stretched a little. She opened her eyes and glanced over at Josh and smiled.

"Good morning," she said.

"'Morning."

"How are you this morning?" she asked as she reached for her own bottle of water and took a sip.

"A lot better," he replied. "Thanks for letting me stay over last night."

"You never have to ask Josh," she replied, setting the bottle of water on the nightstand again.

"I know," he shrugged as he got a little closer to her. "It was nice though. I sleep better when you're around."

"Except for the terrifying nightmares," CJ reminded him.

"Except for that," he conceded.

"Do you want coffee?" CJ asked as she made a motion to get out of bed.

Josh reached out his arm and scooted a little closer to her. He gave into his first impulse, reaching out his hand and caressing her torso over the silky camisole. "Did you sleep well?" he asked.

"I did," CJ replied, scooting herself a little closer to Josh. It looked like it was going to be a more active morning than she'd originally thought. CJ reached out and set her hand on his hip, pulling herself ever closer to him. "I'm glad you slept you well. You seem a little…perky now."

CJ smiled at him and Josh's hand reached the end of her camisole and he boldly slipped his hand under the shirt and slowly worked his fingers up her side. He grinned when he saw that he took CJ by surprise. He could see it in her eyes.

"So, I was thinking that I owe you," Josh said.

"For?" CJ said as she leaned her face very close to his.

"The drink you poured me," Josh said.

"What did you have in mind?" CJ asked.

Josh let his hand wander down her hip and into her shorts. "Well that depends on what time you're going in today," he replied mischievously.

"Never," CJ replied with a small gasp.

"Really?"

"No, but if you keep doing what you're doing, I might reconsider my position," she replied.

"I'd like to reconsider your position," Josh said suddenly moving his hand and throwing all of his weight on top of her. CJ threw her arms around his neck and Josh leaned down and kissed her deeply on her lips. She felt his morning stubble rub along her face.

"It's been a while since we've done this," CJ said.

"Had sex?" Josh asked.

"Yeah, but specifically morning sex. We're usually an after work crowd," she said as she helped him out of his undershirt. She ran her nails down his chest and kissed him again.

"Really? I've always been at my best in the morning," Josh said.

"So you've been holding out on me then," CJ retorted. "Good thing you owe me now."

"Oh we're going to be so very even in a little while," Josh said as he inched up her camisole, savoring the feeling of the silk on her skin. He liberated her from the shirt and tossed it across the room as he started to kiss every bit of her exposed flesh. CJ responded by wrapping her legs around his waist and she pulled him closer to her.

"Josh?" CJ breathed heavily.

"Mmm?"

"Is this about last night?" she asked.

Josh stopped what he was doing and looked at CJ seriously as he considered her question. "If it is, it's okay," CJ added. "I'd just like to know."

"It might be a little bit about last night," Josh replied as he ran his palm over her arm. "But just because it might have a little to do with last night, it doesn't mean I want you any less."

CJ caught his hand with hers and interlaced her fingers with his. She leaned up and kissed him gently on the lips. She thought about her possible responses, but she finally settled on, "It doesn't make me want you any less either."

A while later CJ lay on Josh's chest catching her breath. She felt Josh run his hand through her hair. "Well that was…" he said.

"Yeah," CJ agreed.

"The feeling of being in mortal danger sucks, but the sex that results…" he said.

"Is epic," CJ finished for him.

"It was a little wasn't it?"

"Oh yes," CJ replied. She finally felt that her heart was back to a normal rhythm, but she noted that Josh's heart was still beating a little fast.

CJ propped herself up on Josh's chest lightly and looked at him. "Before, when I asked if this was about what happened," she started. "I just wasn't sure. We haven't been here in a while."

Josh considered that for a moment. "I know," he replied. "I kind of thought maybe we fizzled out."

"Amy has sort of been back in the picture," CJ said.

"Danny is back," Josh commented.

"There's the whole Donna thing," CJ added.

"Donna thing?" he asked.

CJ knew to tread lightly. She was certain that Josh wasn't really cognizant of how he sometimes behaved in regards to Donna. "You two have had a little conflict lately," she said.

"It's not conflict," Josh defended himself. "It's…you've noticed something?"

"A little," CJ replied. "It's fine. I'm agreeing with you. I felt like maybe the window closed on this whole thing with us."

"Last night when I realized what happened," Josh said. "Stanley kept asking me about you. I guess I kept talking about you being in the briefing room. I was fixating on it and on the drink. I just kept thinking if something had happened to you, the last thing that would have happened between us would be you pouring me a drink and me not thanking you for it."

"I promise you that's not the last thought I would have had of you Josh," CJ said seriously.

"No?"

"No."

Josh gave her an impish grin. "What would your last thought of me be?"

CJ chuckled. "That," she said empathically. "That shit-eating grin right there. The one you're giving me right now where your dimple pops out and you look like the cat that ate the canary."

Josh seemed pleased enough with her answer. He rubbed her back lightly. "I'll take it," he replied. "So this thing with us is still on then?"

"I'd say so," CJ said as she inched up and laid her head on the pillow next to Josh.

"I'm glad."

"Me too."

"I'm glad you're still here Claudia Jean," he said quietly.

CJ leaned over and kissed him chastely on the lips. "I don't plan on going anywhere," she assured him.

Josh pulled her close and enjoyed the moment. In a short period of time he'd gone from breaking down to reaffirming whatever strange relationship he had with CJ. It turned out that maybe that was just what he needed to feel like himself again. He just needed to share in a little CJ's faith that everything would be okay.

TBC


	18. Hope

Author's Note: Takes place during season five's Disaster Relief. The impetus for this chapter is the beginning of the episode where CJ explains to Donna how to handle Josh after Carrick left the Democratic Party. I always thought it was interesting that CJ was the one telling Donna how to handle him as if she had to help Josh through something before. On a side note, watching Constituency of One and Disaster Relief back-to-back can really bum you out. Everyone is so sad.

* * *

"Hope"

It was late. CJ had finally gotten back to the White House after the disastrous trip to Oklahoma. She had worked a full day. Her head ached from the stress of the last two days. She returned to work and had to hear an earful from Leo, who hadn't wanted them to go to Oklahoma in the first place. She had an awkward conversation with the president on Air Force One and in exactly seven hours her day would start all over again.

CJ slung her bag over her shoulder and turned off the light on her desk. She walked down the hallway and was met by Josh leaving his office.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," Josh said. He had his backpack slung over his drooping shoulder.

"How are you?" CJ asked.

"I'm okay," Josh replied.

CJ looked at him, knowing that was all she was going to get. "I'm glad. I'll see you tomorrow," she said as she walked ahead of him.

Josh watched her walk ahead of him and he looked over to the bullpen. "'Night Donna," Josh called. "We'll talk hybrids tomorrow."

"Okay. 'Night," she said.

Josh took a few steps in rapid succession and was able to catch CJ as she got to the door of the White House.

"Did you drive?" he asked.

"I took the Metro," she replied.

"Me too," Josh said. "We'll walk together."

"Okay," CJ said.

They walked out into the night air. CJ always liked the autumn air. It was cool, not chilly and the darkness gave her a sense of comfort. The darkness also matched her mood of the past few weeks, oddly enough.

"So," Josh said, breaking the ice. "Donna pulled out the 'isn't it a shame' folder today."

"Really?"

"It's come to that," Josh confirmed. The way he said it had meaning. There was a weight to the statement as if CJ should infer that the 'isn't it a shame folder' indicated that he had hit rock bottom. She was surprised.

"Anything good in it?"

"There's some stuff," he said shifting the backpack to the shoulder farther away from CJ. They walked side-by-side, their shoulders almost touching towards the gate of grounds. "It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

"Going through the folder?"

"Yeah," he confirmed. "At least, if I do some of the things in the folder I'll feel useful."

"You are useful," CJ said reaching out and giving Josh's arm a little squeeze.

"I'm lucky I still have a job and you know it," Josh said. "This is the Mary Marsh thing times a million."

"It's bad," CJ confirmed biting her lip. "But you'll get through it. You're getting back on track."

"Minus the legislative agenda," Josh interjected. "I really thought…this morning, Leo told me that no one wanted me there. I got the feeling he might include himself in that statement."

"I think he wants you there more than me right now," CJ said.

"What?" Josh asked. He was taken aback by the statement.

"I think if he had to choose between the two of us he'd fire me before you," CJ said.

"Why would you say that?"

"I'm not his favorite person lately."

"Who is?" Josh asked. "He's just been through a lot. He's had to pick up the slack of everything for the last few weeks."

"I know," CJ nodded as they walked. "It's been bad."

"I feel like this week everyone has been using the word hope and every time someone says it I have to sort of check myself before I say something I'll regret."

"Like?"

"Like, what's hope? I actually feel like I have to have Toby define the word for me."

CJ scoffed out a tiny breath of air that was full of contempt. "Yeah," she agreed.

"I wish I had it," Josh said. "_You_ usually do."

"Not lately."

"You wanted the president to go to Oklahoma to give people something to be hopeful for," Josh said.

"And look where it got me," CJ replied. "The president had a brief break with the reality of his life and Leo will probably never let me voice another minority opinion again."

"On the upside I heard little Ryan Pearce asked you out," Josh teased her.

That made CJ grin. In fact it made her laugh, loudly. "Well I've got that going for me," she agreed. "He told you about that?"

"He told Donna," Josh replied. "Being asked out by the great-great-great grandson of a former president has to do something for your ego."

"Oh yeah, I'm privileged," CJ chuckled.

"What did you tell him?"

"That there weren't enough phone books in the area to allow that to happen. Honestly though, the way things are going it did kind of make my week."

It was Josh's turn to laugh. "That kid," Josh muttered.

"We'll get through this," CJ said as if she was talking herself into it. Lately she honestly wasn't so sure herself.

"Sure," Josh replied unconvinced.

They walked at a slow clip until the White House disappeared behind them. It was a companionable silence until Josh said, "Did you tell Donna to coddle me this week?" he asked.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"She met me on my way in the office on Monday," Josh said. "I don't think she'd think of that on her own."

"Donna is a very perceptive woman Josh," CJ deflected his statement. "Maybe she thought it would be nice."

"She lined up a call for me with the DNC Chair too," Josh continued. "It wasn't just busy work. She scheduled things that needed to be done."

"Isn't that her job?"

"The Donna I know would have scheduled a meeting with a bunch of lackeys to help me rouse my self-confidence. You would be the one to put me in the tank with the sharks so I didn't feel pitied."

CJ was silent. She didn't confirm his suspicions, but she also didn't deny it.

"You told her what to do," Josh pressed.

"Yeah," CJ sighed as she stopped walking. "I told her what to do."

Josh stopped short and turned around to face her. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Thanks," he said.

CJ started walking again and Josh fell into step with her. "You're welcome," she replied. "I'm surprised."

"By what?"

"By this conversation," CJ replied. "I told Donna that you'd never come to me and talk about it."

"There's nothing to say," Josh shrugged.

"I think there is."

"Everything feels like its falling apart. Is that enough?"

"Yeah," CJ said. "It is."

"You feel it too?"

"Yeah."

They were closing in on the Metro station. The walk seemed a lot shorter than usual. Maybe that was because Josh wasn't quite ready for the walk to end. If they were walking and talking it wasn't as heavy as if they were sitting and talking and Josh still felt like he had some things to say.

"Do you think I've been doing this too long?" Josh asked. CJ didn't immediately respond and so Josh continued on, "I feel like I should have seen this Carrick thing coming. I didn't even entertain the possibility that he'd jump ship."

"I don't think Leo saw it coming either," CJ said. "He wouldn't have given you the green light otherwise. You can't shoulder all the blame yourself."

"For it to happen when it happened," Josh said letting the statement hang.

"Not the best birthday ever?"

"It wasn't about the birthday. It was about that stupid article in The Post. Did you know Amy orchestrated the whole thing?"

"No, I didn't know that."

"She thought I'd like it," Josh explained.

"You did a little," CJ said.

"It's not what we do and then to have the Carrick blow up in my face on the same day…"

"You and Amy on the outs again?" CJ asked.

"Who knows? I think so."

"You been wrong about things like this in the past," she reminded him.

They stepped onto the escalator to go underground. It was a fairly quiet evening. Of course it was also fairly late. There weren't many people around. "She got fired. Or quit. I'm not entirely sure," Josh said.

"I'm sorry," CJ said. "I know you were kind of…" She didn't know how to finish the thought so she just let it trail off.

"I think it was just because it made me feel good," Josh said as they hopped on the next escalator. "Things have been so…she was just someone to have fun with."

"Yeah," CJ said thinking. Josh took her tone for incredulousness.

"I don't think it can actually work," Josh assured her.

"No, I mean, I get it. With everything that's happened lately there's part of me who would just like to have some fun; something easy and light and meaningless."

Meaningless. CJ had used the word and that made Josh wonder. Was he with Amy because it was meaningless? He felt bad as soon as the thought crossed his mind, but it made him wonder. If he was looking for fun he could have called CJ, but being with CJ would have a layer of meaning to it that neither of them wished to discuss.

"It would be nice to feel good again," CJ said.

"When was the last time you felt good?" Josh asked.

CJ laughed. "No I'm serious," Josh said. "I really honestly can't think of the last time I felt totally relaxed and good about anything. Zoey got kidnapped, Walken was in charge and then the president came back and we were dealing with that. I mean, it's got to be months since I've felt really good."

"Do you remember when Walken was in control of things and we were just waiting for the minute Zoey was recovered so the president could come back? I felt like when he came back we'd be us again."

"That didn't happen," Josh said.

"No. It sure didn't."

They were standing on the platform waiting for the train. There weren't too many people around and they had quite a berth around them so they could speak freely.

"Well aren't we the poster children for Up with People tonight?" Josh joked.

CJ smiled at him. "You're right," she said. "But we were never really glass half full kind of people."

"I thought you were."

"I have my moments."

The train came whizzing up the track towards them. The breeze that filled the tunnel was slightly refreshing because the air had been stagnant. They walked towards the train as the doors open and found seats near the back of the train. There weren't many people in the car and they mostly seemed like the younger, bar-hopping crowd.

They sat silently as the train took off into the darkness. Now that they were seated the ride would be quick. There wasn't much time for conversation.

"You know what we need?" CJ asked suddenly.

"A drink?" Josh asked wryly.

"No, I was thinking, we need a common enemy. I feel like we've been picking each other apart and we need someone to focus our frustrations on."

"I think Toby would like that person to be Will."

CJ chuckled. "Yeah. Will is going to have to man up on that decision."

"Toby will never forgive him."

"Probably not. So, who can we hate?"

"Republicans."

"The old stand-by," CJ agreed.

"If I had anything to do with the legislative agenda I could come up with a few ideas."

"You're just benched. You can devise strategy from the bench," CJ informed him.

"I can," Josh said a little confidently. The train pulled into the next stop and a few people exited the car before it pulled away again.

CJ ran her hands over her face. It was getting late and she tired, but somehow talking to Josh made her feel better. They hadn't solved anything, but the talking was good. CJ felt like none of them had really sat down and talked to each other in a long time.

"Hey," Josh said suddenly.

CJ turned to face him when she felt his hand cup her cheek and pull her face towards his. His lips caressed hers gently as if he was asking permission before leaning in closer and opening his lips and feeling hers crash against his. He felt CJ's hand run through his hair softly and his tongue tangoed with hers in an impromptu makeout session as the train traveled through the darkness.

They both felt the train slowing and knew that they were almost to their destination. CJ pulled back a little and rested her forehead against Josh's. They were both a little breathless.

"I probably shouldn't have…" Josh started to say before CJ silenced him by placing her lips on his and kissing him twice in rapid succession.

"Don't," she said. "That was the best two minutes I've had in months."

"Me too."

They each leaned back as the train pulled into the station. "I'll see you at work tomorrow," CJ said.

"Yeah," Josh said. "Is it weird if I say I kind of needed that?"

"Not at all. Have a good night mi amour."

The train stopped and CJ got out. Josh watched CJ as she walked on the platform. He thought he caught her smiling to herself. The train took off again and he leaned back in his seat. Suddenly he didn't think he needed Toby to define what hope was anymore.

TBC


	19. Inspired

Author's Note: This chapter takes place during Shutdown. The motivation is because of how CJ reacts to Josh taking the reigns and walking with the president to the Capitol.

* * *

"Inspired"

Josh sat on his couch drinking a celebratory beer and watching all the cable pundits pontificate about the president walking to the Capitol, being rejected and leaving. It had ended up being quite a coup for the White House. He felt good. When the day began he was still in the penalty box, but by the time it ended he was back. He'd retaken his former role in the administration.

He took another swig of his beer and checked the clock. It was almost eleven and he wondered if CJ might stop by. He had an inkling that she wanted to talk to him before they left for the day. It was odd that it was harder to talk privately with less people in the building. But, what she said to him, in a group setting, made him believe that she might drop by. He wasn't exactly waiting up for her, but Josh thought it would be nice to celebrate with more than a beer, alone in his apartment.

Almost on cue he heard a light knock on the door. He set his empty bottle on the table and walked over to the door. He looked through the peephole to see her standing there with a six-pack of beer in her hand. He smiled as he unlocked the door and opened it.

"Hi," he said.

She said nothing as she entered his apartment and gently closed the door behind her. She set the six-pack on the little table in the hallway and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a slow, deep kiss, which he eagerly returned. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she pulled her head back a little to look at him.

"You're back," she said, grinning.

"I was hoping you'd notice," he replied before he kissed her on mouth again.

"I'm hoping your walk to the Capitol didn't tire you out too much," she said.

"Did you have plans for us that require energy?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Absolutely," she said before she kissed him again quickly. CJ extricated herself from his arms and dropped her large shoulder bag on the floor. She pulled a beer out of the pack and handed it to Josh. She also took one for herself.

"First, a toast," she said removing the top from her beer. She held it up and said, "Here's to you finding your mojo and pulling off a spectacular media event."

She clinked her bottle against Josh's and took a swig. "I couldn't have done it without you," Josh said. "Getting all the cameras there was exactly what we needed."

"Sometimes it's like a dog with a bone," CJ shrugged. "I just throw out the tip and watch them scatter."

"Pre-empting Days of Our Lives was something. A hundred thousand soap opera-watchers hate you right now."

CJ smiled. "Yeah, I'm okay with that. Although Carol might not like wading through the hate mail for the next few days."

Josh took a sip of his beer. "You want to take your coat off? I thought you were staying a while."

"I am," CJ said. "I'm good for now."

"Okay," Josh said with a hint of confusion in his voice.

They moved into the living room to finish their drinks. CJ sat on the couch next to Josh and noticed his empty beer bottle on the table.

"Hey, you started without me," she said eyeing the empty bottle.

"Was I supposed to wait?"

"You didn't think I was coming over?" she asked.

"I wasn't sure," Josh admitted. "You didn't say anything and Toby said something about this guy Ben…"

CJ waved her hand in the air. "In victory and defeat, it's you and me right?" she asked. "I think we've had more than our fair share of defeats."

"I definitely like the victory part of our celebrations more than the defeats. But, who knows what's going to happen next? The Republicans are going to regroup and we still don't have any movement on a budget."

"Yeah, but they have to come to us now. We're in the power seat."

"We've always been in the power seat! We're in the White House."

"We're in agreement," CJ said.

"I don't know what's going on with Leo. There was no fight in him on this."

"I think it may have had something to due with the fact that he wasn't sure what to fight for. The president didn't really give him any explicit instructions."

"He wanted the deal Angela agreed to. Toby thought it was stupid that the president wasn't backing down too."

"That's why we need you," CJ said simply and sincerely.

"I'm glad you're here," Josh replied after a moment.

"You're lucky I came over at all. Who knows where things stand with you and Amy," she continued. "Although I should probably check, what's going on there?"

"Nothing," he assured her.

CJ gave him a look that said she wasn't entirely convinced. He looked her directly in the eyes and said, "Seriously. There's nothing going on there."

"Okay," CJ said. She set her half-empty bottle of beer on the coffee table. "Now you can open your present."

"My present?" Josh asked cocking one eyebrow.

CJ stood up from the couch and displayed her arms down her body like one of the models on The Price is Right. Josh's eyes lit up when he started to contemplate what she was trying to tell him.

"Are you serious?" he asked.

"Very," CJ said.

Josh put his bottle of beer down and stood up slowly. He reached his hands towards the belt of CJ's jacket. He couldn't quite believe that she had made the trip all the way his house wearing nothing but a spring coat. He slowly untied the belt and unfastened the buttons. He glanced into her eyes for a brief moment before he peeled back the shoulder of the jacket down her arm.

He found that she was wearing something; a very lacy, intricate lingerie outfit that hugged her in all the right places. Josh thought that this was even better than wearing nothing at all. She looked beautiful. He took a deep breath as he took in the sight.

"Do you like it?" CJ asked a little self-consciously. She had been a bit unsure of herself when she concocted this plan.

Josh swallowed hard. "You look amazing," he replied before he reached out and ran his hand down her side before he pulled her towards him. "This might be the best present ever."

"Yeah?" CJ asked as their lips moved closer together.

"Definitely," he said before he kissed her hard on the lips. It was a kiss of victory. If CJ was his reward for a good day's work then he was going to delight in his prize. Her coat dropped to the floor and CJ began to free Josh from his belt and pants.

Josh felt around the back of CJ's lingerie and couldn't seem to find anything but a whole lot of laces. His fingers fumbled for a moment before he felt CJ's hands cover his and lead him over to the side of the corset before she ran her hands through his hair gently.

"There's a zipper," she murmured in his ear. The feel of her breath in his ear aroused more than his aural senses.

"Thank god," Josh said with a little chuckle. With a quick unzip he freed her from the corset that constricted her.

"We're not gonna make it to the bedroom tonight," CJ observed as she pulled his t-shirt off and ran her nails down his chest.

"No," Josh agreed as he took a sharp intake of breath. He took CJ by the hips, picked her up and turned her towards the couch before he straddled and kissed her again.

* * *

They both lay on the couch a while later, exhausted and spent from such vigorous activity. CJ's breathing still hadn't returned to normal. She ran her fingers lazily over Josh's chest around the scar, which had faded considerably from what it once was, though it looked no less angry than before.

"Wow," CJ said.

"We've still got it," Josh grinned.

"Oh yeah we do," she said.

It was times like this when Josh loved being with CJ. He almost expected her to offer him a high five in celebration, possibly a chest bump, but that would inevitably lead to more amorous activities.

"So, how come you came over here tonight?" he asked. He knew CJ was happy to have him back in the fold of decision-making. She'd told him as much back at the office after he returned from his trip to the Hill with the president.

CJ laid her arm over his chest and rested her chin on her hand. "What can I say? Good politics impresses me. Great politics make me kind of hot."

Josh chuckled. "You're telling me we're here now because I practiced great politics today?"

"Josh," CJ said rolling off of him and onto her back next to him. "Today was…I don't even really know how to describe it. Today, when you went with the president to see Haffley and you ended up walking there…it was like old times. He was the leader I knew and you were the brilliant political operative taking a chance and having it pay off big."

"It could have backfired. Haffley could have had the meeting with the president," Josh reminded her.

"He could have, but we'd still have the visual of the president reaching out and trying to make it work. It was inspired."

"I inspired you today?"

"You did."

"It did kind of feel like the old days. Being on the outside looking in isn't a good feeling," he admitted.

"No, it isn't," CJ agreed. She'd been on the outside looking in on a few occasions. Granted, the circumstances were different, but they were such a close-knit team that when one of them was missing it just felt wrong.

"I'm glad you're back. Do me a favor and stay out of the doghouse from now on," CJ said. "It's just not the same without you in the room."

"I don't plan on doing anything to put me in the penalty box again," he said.

"Good."

"So, now, I have to ask," Josh said turning on his side. He playfully walked his fingers up and down CJ's side. "You drove over here wearing nothing but that little number and your jacket?"

CJ bit her lower lip. "I know," she said shaking her head. "It's a five minute drive and the whole time I just kept having visions of me getting pulled over for something and having to open my jacket for the police."

"I think he'd probably forget why he was pulling you over if he got a look inside that coat," Josh teased her.

"I'm glad it didn't come to that," CJ replied.

"I don't know," Josh ruminated aloud. "It might have been a really good story, provided the local newspaper had a photographer on hand."

CJ took hold of his hand with hers and intertwined their fingers. "I think Leo and Toby would definitely have something to say about that if I'd gotten caught. You'd never see me briefing again."

"Don't," Josh said brushing his finger against her lips. "I like the team the way it is. I mean, I liked it when Sam was around a little bit more, but, I like the team the way it is now."

"Me too," CJ agreed. She yawned a little.

"You brought a change of clothes for tomorrow?" Josh asked.

"Yeah," CJ replied. "I figured I'd need the clothes for tomorrow morning…or jail."

She gave him a large grin that made him smile in return. "I'm going in at six. Does that work?"

"Sure," she agreed as Josh settled himself into the crook of her neck. They were both fading fast, having spent much of their energy celebrating earlier.

"Thanks for coming over tonight," Josh said sleepily.

"Anytime mi amour."

They feel asleep fast, neither realizing how strange it was for them to feel so comfortable and content in each other's arm. Of course if they realized it, then they'd have bigger problems than working a national budget.

TBC


	20. Unspoken Thoughts

Author's Note: This chapter takes place during season five's "A Slow News Day." I thought CJ and Josh had some pretty good interaction in the beginning of the episode. Reviews are encouraged and appreciated.

* * *

"Unspoken Thoughts"

CJ was rinsing off her dinner plate. Of course it was nine o'clock at night, but she considered that an early. She felt like she could at least be thankful that a slow news day brought her what she would classify as an early dinner. She found herself daydreaming about things she usually had no time for, like men.

CJ indulged her imagination for a moment and thought about how suave the South American ambassador had been. Normally she wouldn't have found herself daydreaming about being a conquest for anyone, but there was something enchanting and debonair about that man.

She sighed as she loaded the dishwasher. Her thoughts turned briefly to Ben, who had continued to call. She had avoided each call successfully and deep down inside she felt like she couldn't seriously be interested in him if she wasn't interested in taking his phone calls. But, when she thought about it further, it was nice to know someone was interested.

In her most lonely times she thought of Danny, who occasionally called and made her smile. But she knew Danny wasn't an option. Nothing had changed since the day she met him. Still, there was always that lingering "what if" in her mind when she thought of him.

Finally, her thoughts turned to Josh. She didn't know why, but she felt like he was always there when she needed him. She could count on him and maybe most importantly, he was comfortable. There was never any need to explain with him. He understood exactly what she was going through because he was going through it too.

CJ was wiping down the counter top when she heard a knock at the door. She made her way down the hallway and looked through the peephole. She bit her lip to suppress a smile as she unlocked the door and opened it.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," Josh replied. He held out a flower to her, which she took, happily.

"What's this for?" she asked, moving aside so he could enter.

"An apology for a slow news day," Josh said.

"That's awfully sweet," CJ said closing the door behind him.

"I can be sweet sometimes," Josh replied, shoving his hands in his pockets.

CJ smelled the flower deeply and said, "I think I might have been the one to tell you that. Do you want anything to drink?"

"No, I'm good," Josh said.

They walked into the living room and Josh sat in a high-backed chair while CJ sat on the couch. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure?" she asked. "You didn't come all this way to give me a flower…especially one that you picked from the garden outside my front door."

Josh grinned. "No, I didn't," he admitted.

"So?" CJ prompted him.

"So I was feeling a little lonely. I wanted some company. Today was something else wasn't it?"

"That's one way to describe it," CJ replied. "How's Leo?"

"He's fine," Josh shrugged. "He wasn't thrilled that Toby did all this behind his back, but it all worked out."

"You're not too happy with Toby right now either."

"Toby and I are fine," Josh dismissed her.

"Really?"

"How is he anyway? He left kind of fast after the meeting," Josh replied.

"He's outwardly pissed, privately reveling in victory," CJ said.

Josh nodded and was silent for a moment. "I was kind of hoping we could revel in victory, privately," he said giving her an impish grin.

CJ smirked. "Really?"

CJ couldn't say she was surprised. In fact she was in complete accord with Josh's line of thinking.

"That is, if you're not being pursued by a South American ambassador or park ranger," Josh said.

"Oh, I'm being pursued by them, but it's nothing serious," CJ said. She stood up from the couch and walked over to Josh's chair. She swung her legs over him and took a seat, straddling his lap.

"You trying to make me jealous?" Josh asked as he wrapped his arms around her hips.

"Would I do that?" CJ asked as she ran her fingers through his hair gently.

Josh leaned forward and ran his lips softly down her neck. He felt her squirm on his lap and it made him want her even more. "Wouldn't you?" he asked.

They sat nose to nose for moment, their breath seemingly in sync. Neither seemed to be in any hurry to move things along any faster. There was something tantalizing about staring each other in the eyes.

"Are you jealous?" she asked before she began to tickle his earlobe with her tongue.

"Not at all," Josh replied in stilted breaths. "I'll just have to remind you why I have the edge on both of them."

He pulled back to get a look at her face and kissed her slow and sensuously on the lips. As his tongue grazed her bottom lip he reached under her blouse and gently massaged her breast causing her hips to buck.

"That's a start," CJ said before she leaned back a little and removed her blouse.

"I've got the edge on the ambassador then?" he asked slyly. "I've heard he can offer you cabbage."

CJ smirked. "He can," CJ confirmed as she pulled down on Josh's tie and started to remove his shirt.

"I'm assuming the park ranger can offer you the chance to pet a bear or something," Josh mused. He buried his lips into her neck and began to kiss down her collarbone as she continued to run her hands through his hair and around his neck.

"I wouldn't know," CJ panted. "I haven't called him back."

"Well, then there's some wiggle room," he replied.

CJ took his suggestion and rocked a little on his lap, which produced just the result she was looking for. "Yeah, there's some wiggle room," she said looking him right in the eyes.

Josh was never so happy that CJ was wearing a skirt and he took full advantage of the fact that it was hiked up higher than usual because she was straddling him. His hand crept up her thigh and under the fabric of her skirt. His fingers caressed her lightly as if he was teasing her slowly.

"Josh," she sighed contentedly.

The sound of his name on her lips seemed to embolden him and CJ's legs squeezed tighter together and Josh felt his yearning grow.

"Claudia Jean," he whispered as her nails ran down his chest and he felt her tug at his pants.

Her lips covered his with a need that neither had felt in quite some time. Their tongues and lips rubbed against each other as they pawed at one another's bodies.

"I want you Claudia Jean," Josh said standing up and picking her up with him, which was no easy feat in and of itself.

CJ had her arms around him as he started walking both of them to the bedroom. She kissed him deeply before she replied, "I need you mi amour, now."

* * *

Later on Josh found himself falling asleep in the nook of CJ's neck. It was where he liked to lay after they'd been together. There was something comforting about how well he fit in the nook. If he thought about it any further he might concern himself with the meaning of it all, but he rarely did.

CJ was lazily running her hands through Josh's hair and starting to doze herself. She loved that being with Josh could make her feel relaxed and sated. She never wanted for a good night's sleep after one of their sleepovers. But, unlike Josh, this thought weighed on her.

"Josh," she said sleepily.

"Hmm?" he replied.

"How come you came over tonight?" she asked.

"We won, sort of," he said.

"So we were celebrating," CJ finished the thought that Josh had left floating in the air.

"Yeah."

"Okay."

Josh sensed there was something CJ wasn't saying and so he propped himself up on an elbow and looked her. "What?" he asked.

"What?" she asked.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Nothing," CJ said.

"CJ," Josh prodded her.

"I was curious," she replied.

"About what?" he smiled.

"You've mentioned Ben, the park ranger a few times," CJ said. "I just wondered if…"

"If?"

"Nothing," CJ dismissed the thought. "It was stupid. Forget it."

"No, seriously, what?"

"_I was wondering if you keep bringing up Ben because you really are jealous; because maybe, somewhere deep inside, you want me for more than just a night here and there. Because maybe it's time we finally sit down and think about what this thing is between us. Because when I'm with you I feel good,"_ CJ thought about that response and realized it would be foolish to ever verbalize those thoughts.

"I haven't called Ben back," CJ said completely changing the subject.

"And?"

"And you're teasing me about it and Carol is pushing him on me…I was just wondering if I come across as a lonely spinster." CJ glanced at him to see if he was buying the line. She'd deflected the truth enough in the press room to know that her poker face gave nothing away.

"No," Josh chuckled. "Come on CJ. I was just teasing you because he's a park ranger. I just don't see you as the dating a park ranger type."

"Oh yeah, then what's my type?" CJ asked.

Josh thought about her question for a minute. CJ definitely needed someone who could hold his own. She wasn't the clingy girlfriend type so she needed someone trustworthy. It wouldn't hurt if he was in politics. Actually, the more Josh thought about it, the more he fought the instinct to jokingly reply, _"Me." _

He finally replied, "The cabbage ambassador, definitely."

CJ laughed that loud, happy laugh that Josh hadn't heard in a while. "See, you agree," Josh said as she finished laughing.

"I'd never want for cabbage," CJ said wiping her eyes.

"Never," Josh agreed.

They lay there in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, but they were both thinking the same thoughts. Thoughts that had long lay dormant. CJ wondered, however briefly, why they never just went for it. They were comfortable and happy together most of the time. Did they fear losing the working relationship if something happened?

Josh hadn't confronted his actual feelings for CJ in years. Yes, he loved her. They were friends first and foremost. That was the number one rule of their arrangement. But, every so often, like tonight, he let his mind wander to a place where they were actually, truly together and it was nice.

Their individual thoughts scared them both and suddenly the companionable silence seemed to be loaded with unspoken meaning, which made them both a little unsettled. Josh quickly broached a subject to fill the void. "So, you really can't work anything in with the press about how we helped on Social Security?" he asked.

"I could, but who'd believe me if both sides denied it?" CJ replied, happy for something to fill the silence. "Plus, I'm not going to be the one to derail whatever fragile peace the parties have worked out for the moment."

"Yeah," Josh agreed. "What time are you going in tomorrow?"

"Six," CJ replied.

Josh gave her a look that indicated he wasn't planning on going in that early. "Sorry," CJ replied. "I've got to meet with Leo on this before the gaggle."

"Six, it is," Josh said, resigned.

His voice sounded drowsy and he placed a small peck on CJ's shoulder before he lay back down in the bed beside her. The awkward moment faded and Josh was happy to settle into a pleasant slumber. It took CJ a little longer to fall to sleep though. Her mind was elsewhere, even if only a little while.

TBC


	21. Drunken Comments

Author's Note: This chapter takes place during season five's The Supremes. I know CJ is supposed to be falling for Ben at this point, but there were a few little things I thought left the door open for some good CJ/Josh "what-ifs."

* * *

"Drunken Comments"

Josh sat in CJ's office for a minute after she had run out of the office to attend to the senator. He'd had enough forethought and energy to leave Pierce alone long enough to get CJ. He was buzzed. No, actually he was sliding down the hill of buzzed into drunk. Maybe he should have listened to Ryan when he told him not to try to keep up.

Josh sat down for a moment on CJ's couch. He just needed a minute to rally. He had to get his bearings and mind under control. There was still a lot of work to do. He took a deep breath and found he inhaled CJ's perfume. She had started wearing more perfume lately. It was probably because of the park ranger. Suddenly she seemed interested in him. Josh found that kind of irritating. He didn't really know why, but in his drunken state he could firmly admit to himself that he didn't like the ranger one little bit.

He tried to think why it bothered him. He felt like he did whenever Donna had a boyfriend. Maybe he was territorial. He technically thought of CJ as one of his group. This guy came in from nowhere and suddenly CJ seemed smitten after a sizable period of non-interest. Not that it hadn't yielded him a flirty comment from CJ earlier in the day, but the way she laughed when she was talking to him; it irritated Josh. And he found himself annoyed that he was irritated. He had no claim on CJ.

Josh leaned his head back on the couch and ran his hands over his face a few times. The rally he was looking for just wasn't coming.

"Josh? Are you okay?" Carol asked him.

Josh looked behind him to see CJ's assistant behind him. "I'm good," he replied.

"Can I get you some coffee? Water?" Carol asked.

"Izit that bad?" Josh slurred his question.

"I'll get you some water," Carol said.

"Hydration is good. Hydration is a weird word. Weird word," Josh played with the phrase while Carol got him a bottle of water.

Josh took a long pull from the bottle. The cold water cooling his throat made him feel slightly better.

"What do you know about this guy?" Josh asked Carol.

"What guy?" Carol asked.

"The guy CJ's dating," Josh said. Had he been sober he would never pump Carol for information, but Josh's inner censor was currently quite inebriated.

"Ben?" Carol asked. "He's really nice. Quite handsome."

"I've heard tale," Josh said.

"They dated in college I think," Carol said. "He's newly divorced. He's got a daughter and he just got transferred to Washington."

Josh took another sip of water. "You've met him?"

"Yeah, he's been here a few times. I'm surprised you haven't met him."

"I've seen him. I haven't met him."

"Why do you ask?" Carol asked.

Josh hadn't anticipated Carol questioning his motives for playing twenty questions with her. His mind wouldn't work fast enough. "Just curious," Josh replied.

"He seems like a good guy," Carol confirmed.

"How come she changed her mind?" Josh asked.

"Changed her mind?" Carol asked.

"She seemed kind of uninterested until recently."

"I don't know. Maybe he wore her down," Carol said. "He's very earnest."

"Earnest?"

"It's a selling point," Carol confirmed.

"Really."

"Yeah," Carol said. Her phone began to ring and she stood up to go answer it.

Josh finished off the rest of his water and stood up. He didn't feel sober. In fact he might even feel drunker than before, but he knew there was much to be done and so he set out to find Toby and hoped that CJ was holding her own in his abandoned meeting.

* * *

The meeting with Pierce was over and the deal for the Supreme Court was done. Everyone had cleared out for the evening. CJ was sitting in her office holding her head. She didn't listen to Josh. She had tried to keep up with Pierce. It hadn't seemed like they were drinking so fast at the time, but, hindsight being 20/20, CJ knew she was feeling pleasantly drunk.

"Hey," Josh said as he entered her office.

"Hey Josh, old buddy, old pal," CJ replied a little too cheerfully.

"I see you're still drunk," Josh said shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I'm not," CJ replied. "I am drinking water." She picked up her water bottle and waved it in front of Josh.

He snickered and walked over to her side of the desk. He leaned on the desk and looked at her. He wasn't drunk anymore, but he was definitely still feeling the effects of the alcohol he had consumed earlier. It made him bolder.

"I can't believe this plan of yours worked," CJ said.

"It was fool-proof," Josh replied.

"Fool-proof?" CJ said giving him a look.

"Or really stupid," he conceded. "But it worked. Evelyn Baker Lang will be the first female Chief Justice."

"It's a coup," CJ said reaching out and squeezing Josh's hand. "I think this eclipses Mendoza."

"Do me a favor and don't tell Toby that okay?"

"It'll be our little secret. But, he's over the moon about this. I think he's just mad he didn't think of it himself."

"He never would have. We had a shouting match outside the Oval when I wanted to bring it to the president," Josh informed her.

"Maybe that's why he's mad," CJ replied. She smiled at him.

"Yeah," Josh said.

Suddenly he was overcome by impulse and, since his full faculties hadn't returned, he acted. He bent forward and kissed CJ on the mouth. It was chaste at first, but then he reached out and ran his hand though her hair. CJ opened her lips to his and Josh took the opportunity to explore her mouth his tongue. Josh thought he heard CJ's breath catch slightly in her throat and suddenly she pulled back. She scooted back in her chair and stood up, backing away from Josh.

"Why did you do that?" she asked.

"I'm sorry," Josh said sheepishly. He wasn't sure he had a good answer to her question.

"You know I'm seeing Ben," CJ chastised him. Josh didn't mention that he felt her return the kiss, even if just for a moment.

"I know," he said. He ran his hand through his hair nervously. "It was old habit. I didn't mean to…you know."

CJ said shook her head. She ran her fingers across her lips. "We're both still a little drunk."

"Yeah," Josh agreed quickly.

"Let's forget it," CJ replied.

"Right," Josh said a little resigned.

"What?"

"What?"

"The way you said 'right' makes me think there's something else," CJ said.

Josh walked around the desk and moved closer to CJ in the center of the office. He wasn't sure what he wanted to say. There something articulated in the far recesses of his brain. If he was completely sober he wouldn't say anything, but, sadly for Josh, he wasn't.

"Who is Ben?" he asked.

"Excuse me?" CJ asked.

"The park ranger," Josh said. "Who is this guy? I mean, Danny I understood, but a park ranger?"

"You're criticizing my choice of boyfriend?" CJ asked in disbelief.

"I'm asking the question because Toby won't," Josh replied.

"Are you serious?" CJ's voice got high and Josh knew he had made a mistake bringing it up, but there was part of him that couldn't help it. CJ's reaction also pissed him off more than it normally would have.

"This guy looks you up in a moment of nostalgia, you dodge his calls for weeks and all of sudden you're giddy as a schoolgirl. What do you know about him? Is this even a good match?"

"Do you really want to consult the list of horrible matches in your past?" CJ shot back. "Let's see there was Mandy, but if we open the book on all the issues with her we'll be here for days. There's Amy, who you can't seem to escape because of the hot, hate sex you have together. And, don't even get me started on Donna."

"Hey!" Josh said. "This isn't about me. And Donna, I don't even know what you mean."

"I think you know exactly what I mean," CJ replied a bit spitefully. If Josh wanted to call her out about touchy things then she was dragging his social life into the fray.

"This has nothing to do with me! I'm asking _you_ who this guy is. I'm just wondering if you're really interested in him or if you're only interested because he's there?"

The moment the words left his lips he knew he'd made a mistake. Internally he'd wanted to ask CJ if this relationship with Ben was just a relationship of convenience, but he never actually thought he'd articulate it.

"Wow," CJ said. He swore he could almost see the air knocked out of her with one comment. She looked shocked and maybe a little hurt. "Does it matter?"

"What do you mean?" Josh asked.

"Why does it matter why I'm with him? I like looking forward to something. I'm sorry if that bothers you."

Josh sighed. He suddenly felt very sober and it was unpleasant feeling. They both took a moment to catch their breath. "I'm just trying to look out for you," Josh said softly.

CJ exhaled loudly. "You have a funny way of doing it."

"If Ben makes you happy then I'm not judging," Josh said.

CJ rubbed her eyes with her hands. She honestly didn't know what to say. "I like laughing," she said. "A lot what we have is reminiscing about the past. Maybe it's not what dreams are made of, but for now, it makes me happy even if only for a little while everyday."

Josh took in her statement. It made him sad.

"You deserve more than having to settle," Josh said.

"Maybe not," CJ replied. She thought of the skeletons in her past, mostly specifically her dalliance with John Hoynes. She wondered if karma was simply paying her back for past indiscretions. In the end it didn't really seem to matter. CJ didn't have a plethora of time to devote to dating anyway.

Josh shoved his hands into his pockets. "Do you ever think things could be different?" he asked.

"With us?" she asked a little boldly.

"Yeah."

"Sometimes."

Josh nodded. "Me too."

"That's not what this is about though," CJ said.

"No," Josh agreed. "I was just checking up on you. I worry sometimes."

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm a big girl."

"Still…"

"So kissing me and picking a fight with me is how you're showing concern," CJ said. There was a hint of softening in her tone, as if she was testing the waters to tease him.

Josh snickered. "I suppose kissing you probably wasn't the best opening."

"No," CJ agreed.

"Sorry about that," he apologized.

"It was my fault too."

"You noticed," Josh teased.

CJ gave him a small smile.

"Are we okay?" he asked.

"We're fine," she said. Josh really looked at her and, surprisingly, he believed her. "You did well today."

"Aside from getting drunk."

"Aside from that," CJ agreed. "But, it happens to the best of us."

"It does," Josh nodded. "I'm gonna go."

"Okay."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"'Night," CJ said as he walked out of her office.

CJ would never been 100% sure, but she felt like the seeds of discontent with her relationship with Ben might have started that night. She sat back down at her desk and ran her fingers across her lips again. Maybe Josh was right. Maybe she was settling.

She tried to think about how things had progressed with Ben and she realized that a lot of it was based in the past. Yes, he made her laugh, but was she truly content when she was with him? She reached forward and turned off her computer for the night. She didn't want to dwell on heavy things tonight. There would be plenty of time for that later.

TBC


	22. The Plane to Brussels

Author's Note: This chapter takes place after season five's Talking Points. Josh and CJ had a few little exchanges that turned into this chapter. Reviews are always encouraged and appreciated!

* * *

"The Plane to Brussels"

The plane had been in the air for about an hour. Normally CJ would be on Air Force One, but, given everything that was going on, Toby thought it was better if she rode on the press plane just in case reporters needed her to clarify anything.

CJ had taken the press plane before. It definitely wasn't as nice as Air Force One. But, there were a few smaller conference rooms and a lot of phones. At least the seats had plenty of room. CJ scanned the cabin and noted that Josh had moved from his seat. He had ended up having to give his seat on Air Force One to McKenna. CJ felt a little sorry for him. He was already beating himself up about the free trade deal and now he was forced to travel to Brussels in a plane full of reporters who were after him on behalf of the CWA and other unions.

CJ unbuckled her belt and stood up. Traveling over the ocean wasn't her favorite trip and she decided to make herself useful by finding Josh. She answered a few questions as she walked through the cabin of the plane to one of the smaller conference rooms. She knocked on the door and opened it and sure enough she found Josh, sitting alone, at the conference table. She noticed he had a drink in his hand.

"Josh?" she asked as she entered behind him.

He turned and smiled. "Hey," he replied.

CJ walked over to the table and leaned against it. "What's going on?" she asked.

"Nothing," Josh replied absently. "I just didn't feel like sitting out there right now."

"Have you been getting a lot of questions?"

"A few," Josh said. He sipped his drink. "You want something to drink?"

"No," CJ replied. "It messes with my Dramamine."

"You still take that?" he asked with a smile.

"Only when we're flying over the ocean," she admitted. CJ didn't really like flying. She downplayed it and tried not to think about it most of the time, but Josh knew.

"I think you're underestimating getting drunk instead of pharmaceuticals," Josh said.

"Getting drunk surrounded y the White House Press Corp isn't the best idea you've ever had," CJ replied.

"True," Josh shrugged. "I'm only having one."

"I'm not judging you. It's been a hard day."

"I just don't want to talk to them right now. You're probably the only person I really want to talk to right now."

"I'm flattered."

A comfortable silence descended upon them for a moment before Josh broke it by saying, "Will asked me when I became a free trader this afternoon."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him I became a free trader when I started working for one," Josh said. He stood up and drained his glass. He set it on the counter. "Are you?"

"Am I what?" CJ asked.

"Do you believe in what we're selling out there? Do you think free trade is right?"

"I honestly don't know," CJ replied.

"You don't have an opinion?" Josh asked.

CJ sighed. "I'm sure I do. I'm just not sure what it is."

"If that wasn't a patented Press Secretary answer I'm not sure what is," Josh replied.

"It's not an easy question," CJ said as she shifted her feet. "On the surface I don't like it. The president, Leo, a lot of people, look at the numbers. The numbers make sense to them. We lose 17,000 jobs, but in the long run we pick up 30,000. It sounds good."

"But?"

"But I live in the world of people. I see 17,000 people without jobs on the unemployment line, some too old to be retrained or hired for one of the 30,000 new jobs."

"Sounds like you're where I'm at," Josh replied.

"Yeah, but then I think about it and I realize that the president is a Nobel Prize-winning economist and I'm not. He's one of the smartest men I know so I just hope he knows what's right."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Well you see, that's where I have a problem because you're also one of the smartest men I know and if you're not sold, then how can I be?"

Josh took in that statement. It was a high compliment. He stepped closer to her, closing the space between them, but not so close that he created an uncomfortable distance.

"I just have to have faith that it'll all work out," CJ said.

"It also helps that you weren't the person who broke a promise to a lot of people today. I feel naïve. I _asked_ to be put at the table. I never thought…"

"How could you?" CJ asked. "We've become very good about only giving out information on a need-to-know basis."

"You think they kept it from me on purpose?"

"Come on Josh, you know they did," CJ replied. "I'm sorry they did and I know how much it hurts, but, as someone who has been on the end of not knowing all the information, I can tell you that feeling will pass."

"When?"

"Eventually?"

"That's comforting," Josh replied sarcastically.

CJ smirked. "Isn't it?" she asked.

"On top of all this, Donna was pissed at me today," Josh told her. He didn't really realize how much it bothered him that Donna had been mad until he mentioned it to CJ. He had a lot of conflicted feelings lately; about Donna; about CJ; about his job.

"What did you do?" CJ asked knowingly.

"Nothing!"

"Josh?"

"She wanted to come to Brussels," Josh said. "I couldn't get her on the trip."

"She wanted to come to Brussels for 36 hours? Most of this trip is going to be in the air and in busses."

"I told her that."

"And?"

"I think she felt like I didn't try hard enough or something. She was giving me the silent treatment."

"You hate that."

"I really do."

"You won't be ignored," she teased him.

"You're mocking me."

"A little."

"I'm pouring my soul out to you and you're mocking me," Josh replied with mock indignation.

CJ chuckled. "I am. I'm sorry."

"Today sucked," Josh said turning serious.

"I know," CJ commiserated with him. She reached out and took his hand. She gave it a squeeze to let him know that she understood.

Josh took a step forward and pressed his forehead against hers. He closed his eyes and took a breath. He had come into the conference room to be alone, but found that what he was actually looking for, he found here, with CJ.

CJ took her free hand and placed it on Josh's cheek. She knew Josh was reaching out to her right now. He needed her and she wanted to be there for him. She was walking a fine line between appropriate and not, but right now she knew Josh needed a friend.

"You've had worse days," she reminded him. "You got through them and you'll get through his."

Josh opened his eyes. "Yeah," he replied leaning back even though he wanted nothing more than to stay there and have CJ comfort him. He knew Ben was still in the picture, though he sensed maybe not for long. He dropped her hand and put a little space between them.

"Do you think…" CJ started to say something, but then thought better of it. "Never mind."

"Do I think?" Josh prodded her.

"Is there a reason you didn't want Donna to come on the trip?" she asked.

"A reason?"

"Forget it," CJ said. She saw the way he sometimes looked at Donna. He hadn't looked at her that way in a while, but she'd seen it before. CJ secretly wondered if Josh kept her behind because he didn't want to be tempted.

"Why would I have a reason to keep Donna back in Washington?" Josh asked.

"I didn't say you had one."

"But you asked."

"I just wondered because Donna is like your right hand. I would have assumed if she wanted to come on the trip that you would have made it happen."

"I can do my job without Donna," Josh informed her.

"I know you can," CJ replied. "Look, it was a dumb question. I didn't mean anything."

"Okay," Josh said. He shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced around the room. He wasn't sure what CJ was getting at, but he knew he wasn't comfortable with whatever she was implying. So, in true Josh fashion, he decided to change the subject.

"When was the last time we were on the press plane together?" he asked.

CJ thought about it. "I don't know. The first term probably."

"I have fond memories of this conference room though," Josh said. "The couch especially."

CJ saw his cheeks flush a little and CJ's did as well. "Yeah, well, that probably wasn't the best idea."

"We were on our way to Iceland?" Josh asked.

"We were on our way home from Denmark," CJ corrected him

"We were so jetlagged," Josh recalled.

"Which is probably why things got a little out of hand," CJ replied. "Anyone could have walked in."

"We locked the door."

"Thank God my pager went off," CJ said.

"I recall that being kind of annoying actually," Josh said with a smirk.

CJ grinned at him. They looked at each for a moment and then the moment for reminiscing had passed.

"I don't know how I'm going to be able to keep on a happy face at this thing," Josh said.

CJ approached him. "I think you can do it," CJ said. She gave him a tiny peck on the cheek.

"Just think of something happy and you'll get through it okay," she reminded him.

"Yeah," he replied.

CJ walked towards the door and put her hand on the handle. "You coming?" she asked.

"I'll be out in a minute," he said.

"Okay."

CJ left the room and Josh took a deep breath. Josh thought about what he'd think about during the photo ops to keep a smile on his face. The next day when the flashes were popping Josh glanced over at CJ and made eye contact. She smiled at him and he smiled back. Wouldn't you know that was the picture that showed up in the papers later that day?

TBC


	23. The Floppy Hat

Author's Note: This chapter takes place following season six's Third Day Story. It also includes a tiny callback to season five's Access. A version of this chapter was actually the second chapter of this story before I decided to make it a much longer series, so I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

"The Floppy Hat"

CJ sat in her office taking a breather after Toby left her office. He wanted answers. He wanted to know why she got the one-on-one ride back to the White House with the president. She didn't tell him things were going to change. She didn't say that something irreversible and scary and exciting happened in that ride back to the White House with the president. Something CJ never expected and something she never dreamed she could attain. She was Chief of Staff now. And now she had to deal with round two. Josh was coming down the hallway to her office even as she tried to process how things were going to change.

"So, what was that about?" Josh asked, peeking his head into her office. Toby had just been there and left without any answers. She wasn't sure she could take another grilling.

"What was what about?" she asked pretending as if she didn't know.

"The ride back here, just you and the president," Josh said walking in and taking a seat.

"It was nothing," she lied.

"Nothing?"

"He wants to make some remarks to the press tomorrow," CJ shrugged.

"And he didn't want Toby in on that meeting?"

"It wasn't like that," she said, still shell-shocked from not being asked to be the new Chief of Staff, but also of her own acceptance of the position. The president was going to tell Josh and Toby, and really the whole world, tomorrow morning. For now her ascension to Chief of Staff was unknown to everyone but the president, Leo and CJ.

"Hey, what are you doing tonight?" she asked him suddenly.

"Huh?"

"Tonight," she said. "I owe you dinner."

"You're conceding defeat?" Josh asked surprised. He was certain he was going to lose their little bet about staying away from junk food, so he was surprised that CJ not only wanted to move their dinner, but that she was conceding defeat. "It's only been like a day."

"I feel bad, taunting you with the pizzas," she replied.

"And the brownies."

"The brownies weren't me," CJ said.

Josh waited a beat in which she could see his mind reeling. He sensed that dinner had nothing to do with their bet and everything to do with what happened in the presidential limo. "What was that meeting about?" he asked again.

"Do you want dinner or not?"

"You wearing the floppy hat?"

"If I must."

"You must."

"Okay then."

Josh stood up to leave. "You're really cooking me dinner?"

"I really am."

* * *

"_It's you and me this weekend baby. And you're wearing a floppy hat!" _

It was a harmless wager she proposed. Josh had to stop eating junk food and CJ would cook him a nice meal. Wearing whatever he wanted. That was the part that had gotten them into trouble. She tried to qualify the offer, but she noted how his eyebrows had perked up at the thought. She noticed how Greg Brock looked at her funny when Josh called her baby and yet she initiated the dinner anyway.

The dinner was harmless, the outfit amusing, but it wasn't anything serious…until it was.

CJ thought about how they'd gotten to this point as she walked from his apartment to her car. Sure, she'd baited him. She'd sent him pizzas and donut trays by his office door, trying to break his resolve. But, that was what they did. That was how it always was. So what changed? She couldn't be sure, but she knew that there was an energy in the air when she went to Josh's apartment.

"Hey," she said into the buzzer. "It's me. Your own personal Julia Child."

"Come on up," he buzzed her in. "You better be wearing the floppy hat I was promised and I prefer Nigella."

"She does sick things with food," CJ replied. "I'm coming up."

CJ made her way up the stairs and to Josh's door with an armful of bags and, as requested, the floppy chef's hat. It didn't take Carol long to track one down. She went to the kitchen staff and they found her one fairly quickly. They all thought she was getting ready for Halloween a bit early, but they obliged.

CJ walked up to Josh's door and placed the hat on her head before knocking. She waited while he made his way to the door feeling conspicuous. It was bad enough she was already six-feet tall, now she had a large floppy chef's hat on her head.

"Well look at you," Josh grinned when he opened the door.

"Floppy hat as requested," she replied trying to push passed him.

"No wait," Josh said putting a hand on her arm to prevent her from entering. "I have to take this all in."

"You're such an ass," CJ smiled as she brushed passed him with a chuckle.

"So what are we having anyway?" Josh asked closing the door behind her.

"Rosemary chicken on a bed of rice pilaf, honey-glazed baby carrots and Caesar salad," CJ said confidently as she began to unpack the grocery bags.

"And for dessert?" Josh asked.

"You get no dessert," CJ replied. "That was the whole point of this exercise."

"Real chefs always serve dessert," Josh protested.

"You can have an apple," CJ smiled at him sweetly. "Or some raisins."

"You're not a real chef anyway," Josh sniffed. "Real chefs make ostrich and froe gras."

"Do you really want to eat ostrich and froe gras?"

"No," he admitted.

"Then be thankful for what you're getting."

CJ continued to unpack the grocery bags until she reached the bottom of the bag, pulling out a crisp white apron. She pulled it over her head and tied the strings around the back.

"Oh this is too good," Josh said taking in the sight of her in an apron and chef's hat.

"Do I look the part?"

"Definitely," Josh smirked. "You know, you left the door kind of open on your attire."

"Not entirely, I clarified," CJ reminded him.

"Right, but if I had my whole wish it would have been you in an apron and floppy hat, a dress and heels."

"Very 1948," CJ replied.

"Exactly. I like my women kept," Josh said.

CJ rolled her eyes with a laugh. "You are a piece of work mi amour," she said as she started to get ready to cook.

"So I've been told. By you more than once I think."

CJ rooted through his cupboards as she spoke. "Well at least the whole fantasy included a dress," she said. "I was worried the moment the offer left my mouth."

"As well you should have been," Josh replied. "My wheels were turning."

"I don't doubt it. Tell me you have a broiling pan," she said as she searched through his cupboards.

"Bottom drawer under the oven," Josh said.

"Thanks," CJ said removing the pan and getting to work. "Is there a reason we had to do this here? I'm sure I have much better cooking equipment at my place."

"I live closer to work," Josh said.

"I had to go home and get all this crap before I came over here," CJ countered.

"Your point?"

"Forget it," she sighed as she set to work prepping the chicken.

"Need I remind you that you set me up?"

"Excuse me, set you up?" CJ feigned shock.

"You baked brownies and left them in my meeting," Josh started to tick off his list. "You had the catering guy walk by my office with donuts and you had pizzas delivered to me."

"Okay the pizzas I'll give you," CJ admitted. "But you must think I spend a lot of time thinking about you if you thought I baked those brownies and sent catering to harass you."

"Please. Those brownies reeked of your handiwork."

CJ's lips curled into a light smile. He was wrong. She really had nothing to do with the brownies, but if it made him feel good to think she baked for him, so be it. "If that's what you choose to believe," she said.

"It is."

"Okay then."

"What are you doing?" Josh asked.

"Don't tell me you've never marinated chicken before," CJ said.

"I've marinated chicken," he replied defensively. "You're giving it a shiatsu massage."

"I like my chicken relaxed," CJ quipped.

Josh walked over to CJ's side and watched her as she worked.

"Can I help?" he asked.

"You want to help?"

"Sure, I can always learn a few new tricks."

"To woo the ladies?" she teased him.

"Naturally," he replied.

"Okay," she said wiping her hands on a rag. She reached up and plucked the hat off her head and placed it on Josh's.

"But you get the hat," she smiled.

"You're supposed to wear it."

"It's falling off my head. Besides, it looks better on you."

"Yeah?" he asked letting his vanity show.

"You look cute," she replied taking in the sight of him in the floppy hat he'd insisted upon. She grinned, shook her head and returned to the chicken. "Can you boil water?"

"Can I boil water? Please give me something a little more advanced than boiling water," Josh replied as he took out a pot.

Josh made himself busy getting a pot and filling it with water. He placed it on the stove and turned on the heat.

"Okay the water is on the stove," Josh said.

"Did you salt it?" CJ asked.

"Of course," Josh said as he shifted his weight toward the cupboard containing the salt. He reached in quickly and salted the water while CJ's back was turned.

"Nice move slick," CJ said without turning around. Josh smirked at her response.

"What's the salt for anyway?" Josh asked as he walked over to where CJ was chopping carrots.

"The rice won't stick to the pot as much," CJ informed him.

"I thought that's why you had to stir it?"

"You do, but if you're in charge of the rice," CJ said. "Every little bit helps."

She smiled at him and stopped chopping for a minute. Josh smiled back genuinely and stole a carrot from the cutting board. He chomped on the crunchy carrot and looked away, suddenly feeling self-conscious. He turned his back and leaned his elbows on the counter as CJ continued to prepare the meal. A comfortable silence fell over them as CJ worked and Josh stood there watching over her shoulder.

"How's Donna doing?" CJ asked finally.

"She's good," Josh replied. "I thought you talked to her?"

"I did," CJ said. "She probably tells you more than she tells me."

"I doubt that. You two are close," Josh said turning around and leaning forward on the counter. The floppy chef's hat fell over his eyes.

CJ reached over and gently pushed the hat back up on his forehead. Maybe that was the start of things? Josh couldn't be sure. All he knew was that he was suddenly slightly uncomfortable talking to CJ about Donna.

"Yeah, things just got a little weird before all this happened," CJ said.

"What happened?"

"We just had a strange night when we were locked down a few weeks ago," CJ replied. "I might have said, I know I said, too much and then she left and…"

"She's okay," Josh said putting a reassuring hand over CJ's. "What happened with you two?"

"Nothing," CJ dismissed him. She'd never tell him what she told Donna. She still wasn't even sure why she said it to Donna. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," he lied.

"Josh," CJ said tilting her head at him.

"What?"

"It's me you're talking to."

"I know."

CJ walked the chicken over to the over and started to prepare the glazed carrots. "Then you can tell me the truth about Donna or Leo or whatever you want to talk about," CJ said.

"What do you want me to say?" Josh asked. "I was just getting over the shock of Donna and then Leo…At least Donna's back though I guess."

"You two have been through a lot together," CJ commented.

"We have," Josh nodded. "Why are we talking about this?"

"It's just conversation."

"Well, what about you?" Josh asked.

"What about me?"

"Do I get to make any pointed observations about you and Ranger Rick?"

"That's been over," CJ said rolling her eyes.

"He seemed nice," Josh said walking over to CJ again and stuck his finger into the glaze for the carrot and licked it. "Though he was bit more outdoorsy than I ever pegged you for."

CJ chuckled and continued to stir. "That might have been part of the problem," CJ said.

"What was the other part?"

"I think I was forcing it. I wanted it to be more than it actually was. It just took me a while to see it for what it really was."

"And what was it?"

"You know that they say about trying to shove a square peg in a round hole?" she asked rhetorically.

He nodded and moved to stick his finger in the glaze again, when CJ reached out and slapped the top of his hand.

"Hey," he whined.

"If you eat this now there will be none left for the carrots," she reminded him.

"Carrots are overrated," Josh said getting around her and sticking his finger in the glaze again.

"Stop and I'll let you lick the spoon when I'm done," she bargained with him. Sometimes he was worse than a child.

CJ's face was so serious that Josh had to laugh, albeit inwardly. She was a formidable woman when she wanted to be. He still took a moment to lick his finger clean in front of her while he thought.

"Fine," he agreed. "But, the hat is all yours. I believe that was my request."

He took the floppy chef's hat off his head and put it on CJ's. He set the hat down on her head with a little to much force and her hair covered her eyes from under the hat. He reached out his hand and used his fingers to gently brush the hair out of CJ's eyes and back behind her ears. It was an odd moment and he swallowed a little bit harder as his skin touched hers. It had been a while since he'd felt like this.

"I'll open a bottle of wine," Josh said nervously as he turned away from her.

"Sounds good," CJ agreed her voice slightly higher than usual.

Two courses and many glasses of wine later, CJ sensed that they were both tip-toeing around the idea of going to bed together again.

"Are you trying to get me drunk mi amour?" CJ asked as he topped off her third glass of wine.

"Not at all," he said. "I'll take you sober or drunk."

It didn't come out as he had intended, but CJ laughed at him and conversation moved on.

"So, are you keeping pace with me?" she asked.

"I'm one ahead I think," he replied. "We're about done with the bottle."

"Don't open another one," CJ said. "A hangover tomorrow would not be acceptable."

"Okay, last glass then," Josh agreed lifting his glass in the air. "What should we drink to? And don't get all serious and philosophical on me. Let's drink to something fun."

"To the floppy hat?" CJ suggested.

"To the floppy hat," Josh smiled.

"You know Greg Brock gave me a weird look all day after you stormed into my office screaming about that hat," CJ chuckled.

"Well yeah, because he wants you," Josh scoffed.

"He does not," CJ said astounded.

"He thought he had it in the bag," Josh said. "He was worried there was some serious competition."

"That's so not true."

"Right," Josh said. "And Danny didn't want you either."

"I didn't say Danny didn't," CJ said. "Greg Brock is not…I have no interest in Greg Brock."

"Doesn't mean he doesn't have an interest in you."

"He doesn't know what he has interest in," CJ replied.

Josh just shrugged at her response. It left CJ with an unsettling feeling. She never noticed anything from Greg that she would constitute as flirting.

"The dinner was really great. Of course dessert would have made it better," he added.

"I think four glasses of wine constitutes a very good dessert," CJ retorted.

"I abstained from pizza, brownies, cookies, meatball subs, everything for a whole-," Josh reminded her.

"Day," CJ interrupted him. "It was one whole day."

"What did I get for my trouble? Carrots and chicken."

"You liked the glaze on the carrots," CJ protested.

"It was good. It was no cheesecake though."

"You should learn to forgo dessert and exercise more."

"I'll have you know I played basketball up at Camp David," Josh informed her. "I walked to the OEOB yesterday."

"Oh wow, a whole half a block," she taunted him as she stood up to clear the plates. "There are much better ways to get exercise."

Josh seemed to pick that exact moment to stand up as and CJ was suddenly caught between the table and Josh's body, holding a dinner plate. "Oh yeah? Any suggestions?" he asked in almost a whisper.

"Josh."

"Claudia Jean."

Uh-oh, her full name. She didn't really stand chance with him being inches from her face and using her full name.

"Things have been really bad lately," she said.

"I know," he replied.

Suddenly CJ felt all the weeks of pressure and stress and sadness collapse in on her and she saw Josh staring at her. Familiar, comfortable Josh with his kissable lips. At the same moment they launched towards each other and their lips collided in a frenzy of need. CJ's grip on the plate slipped and the remains of chicken and rice fell all over the table.

"Sorry," CJ said, not letting her lips disengage from Josh's lips.

"Forget it," Josh mumbled as he continued to kiss her and back her away from the table.

She felt his hands wander down her body and rest on her hips, his favorite spot. They didn't break contact as they made their way to the bedroom. CJ's hands continued roving through Josh's hair as he guided her hips through the threshold. When they reached the foot of the bed Josh stopped and looked at her.

"It's been a while," he commented.

"Yeah," CJ agreed, suddenly feeling self-conscious all over again.

"Are you okay with us having…doing…this?"

CJ quickly saw how that Josh was equally as flummoxed by the turn of events and she chuckled. "I want to feel good. How about you?"

"I could not want this more right now," Josh said cupping her face in his hand.

CJ responded by grabbing his shirt and untucking it from his pants. She quickly worked the zipper while he unbuttoned her blouse. There was nothing graceful about the maneuvers, but finally they crashed together on the bed in a tangle of need. CJ felt his lips caress her breast and she sighed. The familiar touch of his hands on her was all she needed in that moment.

Josh kissed her deeply and frantically even though part of him felt a little guilty. He was beginning to put a word to the mix of emotions he felt for Donna and somehow sleeping with CJ felt like a small betrayal. But, he wasn't really ready to define the terror he felt when he thought he might lose Donna and so it was easier to be with CJ because it had always been easy to be with her. At one time, a very long time ago, he even thought he might be in love with her. They both needed comfort and this was the way they got it.

Josh felt CJ reach down and stroke him expertly. She knew just where he wanted to be touched. Her breath in his ear as she nibbled his earlobe was almost too much. He didn't realize how lonely he'd been and how he needed something life affirming to help him erase the last few weeks of Donna and Leo being so close to death.

He heard CJ moan his name and he knew it wouldn't be long before they were able to erase the horrible day they'd had with at least a few moment of exquisite pleasure.

* * *

Josh collapsed next to CJ and they both lay there panting, trying to catch their breath. It hadn't been like this in a while. The urgency and desire took over and neither could really say they had a rational thought for a few moments afterward.

CJ felt like her heart was leaping out of her chest and she tried to get her breathing under control. "I can't decide if I'm getting too old for this or if this time was just…" she let her thought trail off.

"We're not getting old," Josh protested while he tried to even out his breathing as well. "That was just…"

"Yeah," CJ said. She turned her head to look at him. She knew this was the last time this could happen. She was his boss now. Okay, technically he'd always been above her in the hierarchy, but she didn't report to him. She worked _with_ him. But now he'd have to report to her and that was going to change everything.

She had the thought and she turned and ran her hand down his cheek. She kissed him on the lips slowly and gently before she deepened the kiss. She wanted to memorize the feeling of his lips on hers because she knew everything would change in eight short hours.

CJ pulled back and gave him a tiny smile. "What was that for?" he asked.

"Nothing," she lied.

Josh mulled that over a minute. "Claudia Jean," he said.

"Mmm?"

He looked her in the eyes and he saw it. He saw what this was. It was the last time. He didn't know how and he didn't know why, but he knew this was the last time she'd be in his bed. Suddenly he didn't feel like acknowledging it verbally. Instead he scooted close to her and rested his forehead against hers.

"We're not getting old," he reiterated.

"Okay," CJ chuckled.

"I meant what I said a few weeks ago," he said leaning back. He smacked her lightly on the behind through the sheet. "You look better now than you did five years ago."

She smiled at him. "So do you," she assured him.

"Even with my expanding waistline?"

"It's not expanding," she said. "I just worry about you."

"I appreciate that."

They laid there for a moment in the dark silence before CJ moved. "I think I should go," she said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," he said, resigned. He wasn't sure how this was supposed to go. He felt like there should be more to say, but there wasn't.

CJ scooted out of the bed reluctantly. She didn't want this moment to end. She knew that sleeping with Josh tonight might have been a mistake, especially since it had been so long since they had slept together. Why reopen the feelings that had been shelved for so long? But another part of her felt like this was the period that she needed on the end of the sentence that was her life for the last six years. Tomorrow a new chapter would begin, even if she wasn't really ready to say goodbye to this one.

She dressed while Josh got out of bed and pulled on his boxers and t-shirt. "Have you seen my-" she started to ask.

Josh was beside her with her bra hanging from his index finger. "Here," he said grinning.

"Thanks," she said.

"CJ?"

"Yeah?" She said as she continued to put herself to rights.

"Are you gonna be at the meeting tomorrow morning?"

"What meeting?"

"The one with the president first thing in the morning."

"I'll be there."

"Do you know what it's about?" he asked. He had a thought that was just beginning to form, though he wasn't ready to verbalize it.

"Yeah," she said, refusing to elaborate any further.

Josh bit the inside of his cheek. "Okay," he said.

CJ finished dressing and started walking to the kitchen. Josh followed. She scanned the kitchen and started to clean up.

"Don't worry about it," Josh dismissed her.

"I made the mess," CJ pointed out.

"I reaped the benefits," Josh grinned. "I can clean up."

"You're sure?"

"Go get some sleep. It's a big day tomorrow," Josh said knowingly.

CJ bit her lip. "Okay," she said.

They walked towards the door and CJ stopped herself short before pulling it open. She suddenly didn't want to leave. She wanted to delay this moment for as long as possible because their relationship was going to change and she wasn't quite ready to let it go yet.

"Goodnight Josh," CJ said.

He leaned forward and kissed her cheek gently. "Bye CJ," he said.

He closed the door behind her and busied himself with cleaning up the kitchen. He knew that tomorrow things were going to change. He had an inkling how they were going to change as well, but his thoughts weren't focused on that. His thoughts were focused on how sad he missed his unique relationship with CJ already and she had just left.

TBC


	24. Check

Author's Note: Takes place during season six's The Hubbert Peak. The reason for the chapter is based solely upon the act one exchange between CJ and Josh talking about their jammies or lack thereof.

* * *

"Check"

CJ pulled out her cell phone and dialed Josh's number. She'd taken a chance that he'd be just as pathetic as she was on a Saturday night and that he'd home. She figured he was probably out, but on hope and a hunch, she tried him anyway.

"Josh Lyman," he answered the phone.

"It's CJ," she said. "Are you home?"

"CJ? It's Saturday night," he said.

"Yeah, I know," she replied. "Are you home?"

"It's Saturday night," he replied again.

"So that's a no?" she asked.

"What do you need?"

CJ sighed. "I need to know if you're home right now."

"Yeah," he finally admitted. "What do you need?"

"Are you busy?"

"No," Josh said, wondering what the third degree was all about.

"Good. I'm coming up," she said.

"You're coming up? To my apartment?"

"Yeah."

"When?"

Josh heard a knock on his door. "Are you here now?" he asked, surprised.

He cracked the door and saw CJ standing there in the hallway with her coat on over some plaid pajama pants. She was holding two bags in her hand. One looked like Chinese carryout.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," Josh replied. He hadn't opened the door all the way.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah, just one minute," he replied.

Josh shut the door and made tracks to his bedroom to find his blue pajama pants. Before CJ called he had been sitting on the couch in his boxers and undershirt enjoying a beer. He walked quickly back to the door and opened it all way.

"Come on in," he said as he stood aside.

"I didn't interrupt anything did I?" she asked.

"No," Josh said. "I had to go find some pants."

"You had no pants on?" CJ asked. "Wearing your un-jammies?"

"Well, boxers," Josh admitted. "Nothing you haven't seen before but…"

The sentence lingered in the air. This was slightly awkward because Josh had thought that the last time they had been together was the last time. Now it was Saturday night and CJ called him out of the blue to come over. He wasn't sure what to make of the visit.

"I brought some Chinese if you're hungry," she said.

"Thanks," Josh said. "I was just thinking about dinner."

He took the brown carryout bag from her and she removed her thin coat. It wasn't yet cold enough to really merit a coat, but the night air was a little brisk. When CJ removed her coat Josh noticed that she was wearing an old Berkley t-shirt that had seen better days. He took in the sight. It seemed that he wasn't the only one in his pajamas for night. CJ was too; and she wore them over to his place.

"Nice jammies," he said as CJ walked into the kitchen and set down her other bag. "Not the ones I pictured you in the other day." He gave her a little boyish smirk.

"Thanks," she said. "I did warn you what my weekends were like now."

"You did," Josh confirmed. "So what can I do for you? You must want something if you brought Chinese."

"You play chess," CJ said as a statement of fact, rather than a question.

"I know how to play chess," Josh confirmed. "I'm not a grand master or wizard or whatever they call themselves."

"But you know enough to give me some pointers?" CJ asked.

"Are you taking up chess?" Josh asked as he unpacked the food. CJ had gotten his favorite kung pao chicken dish. He showed her the carton and said, "You trying to bribe me into teaching you?"

"Is it working?" she asked.

"Seriously," Josh said. "Why do you need to know how to play chess?"

"Leo and the president used to play a weekly game of chess," CJ explained. "I thought it was just a thing they did to mentally unwind, but it turns out that Leo used to play to keep an eye on the president."

"Like his mental ability?" Josh asked.

"Yeah."

Josh took a moment to take that in. They went through a lot when the MS was disclosed, but once the fervor died down he didn't really think about it much, only on days when the president was feeling under the weather. He didn't know Leo had ways of monitoring his condition.

"I set up a game between the president and this ringer from the Stanford chess team, but he wanted to play me," CJ explained. "I got help from the Stanford guy, but the play was all me."

"And you don't know how to play chess," Josh finished for her.

"I have a basic grasp of chess," CJ said. "But when you're playing the leader of the free world, who is also an excellent chess player, it's hard to remember how each piece moves. I thought we could play a few games so I don't look like the one whose mental abilities are being checked at my game next week."

"Okay," Josh said as he dumped the food out onto plates. "Is that a game board?"

"Yeah," CJ replied. She took a plate from Josh and they moved into the living room. They sat on the couch while CJ cracked the chop sticks and handed Josh a pair. It was like a choreographed routine that both seemed oblivious to.

"So, how come you came to me?" Josh asked.

"Sam said you played," CJ said as she took a bite of her egg roll.

"Sam?"

"I called him first. I know he plays, but over the phone it was a little difficult."

"You know you can look this stuff up online," Josh said.

"I know, but I thought it would be easier looking at my opponent, studying your strategy."

"Toby plays. You could ask him. The president gave him a chess board."

CJ was silent for a moment.

"His last few briefings weren't as bad," Josh said to fill the silence.

"Toby…I think it's best if Toby and I keep to weekdays in the office right now."

Josh gave her a quizzical look. "He's not adjusting to things as well as you," CJ clarified.

While it as true that Toby and CJ had already gone a few rounds over the press secretary business, Josh thought they had worked things out. He didn't know there was any friction.

"Okay," Josh replied a little skeptically. He decided to let the matter rest and eat his chicken. "You want a beer?"

"I'll get it," CJ said standing up walking back into the kitchen. She opened Josh's refrigerator and noticed it contained a six-pack, some coffee and a package of hot dogs. She sighed, grabbed a can of beer and walked back into the living room.

"The contents of your refrigerator is horrendous," she informed him.

"Thank you," he replied with a smirk.

"I thought you were going to start eating better," she prodded him.

"I eat fine," he assured her. "You see Leo lately?"

"I had lunch with him," CJ said. "You?"

"No," Josh said regretfully. "I haven't made it over there yet."

"You should," CJ said. "You should go tomorrow. Unless you have big plans to run over a compact with a dually diesel that is."

"Ha-ha," Josh said enunciating the syllables. "That was an accident."

"So you've said."

"Do you want me to help you or not?" he asked.

"Would I be here otherwise?" she asked.

The question seemed loaded. Josh couldn't help but feel that he wanted her to be there for "otherwise." He knew that it was wrong to feel it, but he couldn't help it. Things seemed to be falling apart lately and being with CJ was his go-to for when he was trying to feel some semblance of control over horrible life and work situations.

"No," he said finally and returned to eating his dinner.

CJ poked her rice with her chop sticks thinking that her response was a mistake. In truth, there were many times that CJ would show up at Josh's house for reasons other than work, or needing his help with something. She had almost forgotten that sleeping with him wasn't a possibility. It was what they did to feel normal when the universe seemed to be spinning out of control.

CJ placed her half-eaten plate onto the coffee table and cracked open her beer. She took a swig and glanced over at Josh. She wondered if she'd made a mistake in coming over.

"How are things with Donna?" CJ asked.

"Donna?" Josh asked.

"Yeah. I don't see her much now. I'm usually held hostage in my office or allowing Margaret to shuttle me to meetings I'm not prepared for," she tried to joke.

"She's doing better," Josh said. "The cast comes off soon. She's…that photojournalist guy bugs the hell outta me."

"Really," CJ said, unsurprised.

"He's been calling," Josh said. "He mentioned the other day that she shouldn't be at work."

"She told you that?"

"Based on my reaction I don't think she'll offer up anything like that again," he admitted.

"They went through a horrifying experience together," CJ shrugged. "It bonds people."

"I went through it too," Josh pointed out.

"Yeah, but you didn't see it happen," CJ replied. "He did."

"I guess," Josh said as he polished off his meal. "That was excellent."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"You didn't eat much. Trying to keep that girlish figure?"

"I do have a birthday coming up," she reminded him.

Josh snickered. "As if you have to worry about it."

"Thanks."

"So, go grab the game board and set it up," he instructed.

"Excuse me?" she said a little shocked at his blatant order.

"You have to learn," Josh explained. "You need to know how to set up the board."

"Right," she said with a raised eyebrow.

She obediently walked into the kitchen with her dinner plate and after putting it in the dishwasher she grabbed the bag with the chess set in it. She had just purchased it on the way to Josh's apartment.

She made her way to the living room and noticed that Josh had tossed a few of the items on his coffee table across the room so that they'd have room for the game board. She tried not to notice how good he looked in his t-shirt. She teased him about his weight, but in honesty, he had quite a nice physique under his work clothes. He caught her staring at him a little too closely.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said.

"Okay," he replied, not really believing her.

"I noticed you were wearing the pajama bottoms I got you, but not the top," she said.

"You've seen how big they are," Josh said. "Besides, the top is yours."

He shot her a mischievous grin as she set up the pieces on the game board and CJ had to stop herself from smiling. She had bought him the pajamas when he was recovering from the shooting, but in actuality she had bought them large so she could wear the top when she slept over.

"You might need the top," Josh said. "How old is that Berkley t-shirt you've got on there?"

"It's not that old," CJ defended her pajama choice. "If you really want to talk about ratty shirts, shall we talk about your Wesleyan gear?"

"That shirt is comfortable," Josh shot back.

"As is this Berkley t-shirt," she replied a bit smugly.

The board was set up and Josh asked, "Do you want another beer?"

"Sure," CJ replied. "Maybe a buzz will help me memorize the rules."

Josh wandered into the kitchen and returned with two fresh cans. CJ cracked hers and took a sip.

"So, what do you know?" Josh asked.

"I've got a handle on most of the pieces," CJ said. "I forget how the castle and knights move though."

"Okay, well the castle, as you call it, is actually called the rook," Josh explained. "It can move any number of squares along any rank or file, but it can't jump over other pieces."

"Okay," CJ said as Josh demonstrated it with a piece on the board.

"The knight moves in an 'L' shape and is the only piece that can jump over other pieces," he said, once again demonstrating the movement.

"Got it," CJ nodded.

"Any other movement questions before we start?"

"No, I think I just need to get a few games under my belt to build my confidence."

"Okay," Josh said. "Let's go. You should be advised that I'm going to kick your ass."

"We'll see about that," CJ said as she opened with moving her pawn one space.

"Interesting," Josh teased her.

"Shut up," CJ chuckled.

"That's the first time I've heard you laugh in weeks," Josh said as he moved.

"What? I laugh."

"Not for a while," Josh said.

CJ surveyed the board and frowned, both at her next move and Josh's comment. "Do you remember when we first got elected we thought Leo was always so grumpy all the time?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Is that how I am now?" she asked.

Josh looked down at the board and pretended to study his next move. "No," he said. What he didn't tell her was that he felt like she could be on the fast track to becoming that person.

CJ looked at the board and tried to think four moves out, but she could barely see two moves ahead. "I don't want to be that person," she said.

"Then don't be," Josh said simply.

"Yeah," she said. She wanted to talk more, but in some ways she felt like she couldn't really open up to Josh because of the guilt she felt for taking "his" job. They finished the game in silence, mostly because silence between them was comfortable, but also because neither really had anything to say. Josh beat CJ pretty handily and she challenged him to another game.

Once the second game had started CJ said, "I think chess is a weird game."

Josh smirked. "That's only because you're not great at it," he replied.

"No, really," CJ said as her knight took Josh's pawn. "I mean, think about it. Chess was developed in a time when men ruled the world, but if you look at the way the pieces move, the queen has a lot of power."

"But the game isn't over until the king is captured," Josh pointed out.

"But his movement is strictly one space at a time."

"I guess it proves the point behind every good man is a good woman," Josh grinned.

"I suppose it does," CJ agreed as she took Josh's bishop.

"Nice move," he said. "How did I not see that?"

"You were distracted by my astounding game play," CJ teased him.

"That must be it," Josh nodded.

The game continued and CJ managed to eek out a win over Josh, much to her delight. Once Josh knocked over his king in defeat CJ jumped from the love seat and threw her hands in the air in victory.

"Yes!" she rejoiced.

"Okay, okay," Josh said.

"I won."

"Yes."

"I beat you."

"It doesn't mean you're going to beat the president," Josh said standing up. The way the furniture was configured he was standing close to CJ.

"No, but it means I beat you," she pointed out.

"I told you I wasn't a chess master."

"It was a good game though, right?" she asked. While she was gloating, she was also clearly hoping that her skills had improved.

"It was," Josh assured her.

"Thank you," she said, leaning over and placing a tiny peck on Josh's cheek, a little too close to his lips. Their faces lingered near each other for a moment too long and suddenly their lips were on each other again. Josh's arms were holding CJ and her hands were running through his hair.

Josh took a step back and ended up tumbling onto the sofa with CJ falling on top of him gently. They made eye contact and while they both knew it was wrong Josh felt himself reaching for her and pulling her face towards his again. As much as CJ knew she shouldn't, she kissed him deeply.

It felt so good. CJ needed something familiar in her life, especially now. Josh loved the way CJ's familiar weight felt on his body. He pressed himself closer to her as his tongue probed her mouth. He wanted to move his lips down her neck, but he worried that if her lips were free to speak she might stop what was happening.

Sure enough, just as they readjusted themselves on the sofa CJ leaned back and placed her palm on his chest.

"Josh," she said breathlessly.

"Yeah," he said.

"We can't," she said. He thought he detected disappointment in her voice.

"I know," he said, trying to catch his breath.

"It's not that I don't want to," she said.

"I know."

"We just can't."

"CJ," Josh said. "I know."

They sat there for a minute, CJ still straddling Josh's waist. "It's kind of difficult to get into a different frame of mind when you're…"

Josh gestured to CJ's body. "Oh, right," CJ said as she jumped back like she'd just been burned. "Sorry."

She stood up and walked to the far side of the room. "Josh I'm so sorry," she said. She ran her hands over her face and tried to regulate her breath.

Josh stood up from couch. "It's okay," he said.

"It's not," CJ said.

"It's habit," Josh replied. "This is what we do when things fall apart. We just haven't figured out what to instead…now."

The word 'now' was so loaded. He clearly meant now that CJ was his direct boss, in a job he always thought he'd have if Leo ever stepped down.

CJ ran her hand through her hair. "Yeah," she said. "I guess a marathon at ten o'clock at night to loosen up would be a little out of the question."

Josh smirked. "Although I've got the excess energy now," he said.

"That makes two of us," CJ replied.

They stood in silence for moment, neither sure of what to do next. "I should go," CJ finally said.

"Okay," Josh said.

He started to pack up the chess board and CJ came over to help. Their hands almost touched a few times and each had to use their self-control to not give into the need that they both had for each other.

Once the board was packed up CJ said, "Thanks for helping me."

"Anytime."

They walked to the door and CJ grabbed her coat.

"Thanks for the Chinese food," Josh said.

"Sure," CJ said.

CJ opened the door a crack as Josh followed close behind her. CJ turned before opening the door any farther.

"Josh," she said looking down at the floor.

"Yeah," he said quietly.

CJ leaned forward and pressed her forehead lightly to his. "I'm sorry it's like this now," she said.

"Me too," he replied.

CJ wasn't sure if she apologizing for what happened or if she was apologizing for her promotion, but either way, she was sorry. Josh wasn't sure either, but he knew he felt comfort when his forehead lightly touching hers.

"I'll see you tomorrow," CJ said quietly.

"Yeah," Josh replied.

CJ pulled back and looked at him, gently touching his cheek with her hand. She gave him a sad smile and turned to walk out the door. Josh watched her as she walked down the hallway and thought, "Checkmate indeed."

TBC


	25. You'd Never Come to Me

Author's Note: Takes place during season six's "A Change is Gonna Come." The motivation is that I felt CJ felt really terrible about taking the China summit away from Josh. The fact that she showed up to his office to make sure he was okay was telling.

* * *

"You'd Never Come to Me"

Josh sat in his office and threw back another glass of scotch. It wasn't a good sign, but what did he care for signs at the moment. Ever since his PTSD culminated in his putting a hand through a window he tried to limit the amount of alcohol he consumed alone. He knew that the drinking didn't cause his PTSD, but he was a little superstitious…usually. Tonight he sat in his dark office, illuminated only by the lamp on his desk and television screen, and he drank. Excessively.

He should have been at the ceremony down the hall. James Taylor was playing; Sam Cooke was being honored, but instead Josh sat at his desk drinking scotch alone and reading John Hoynes' new book. He hadn't planned on that. He had planned to ignore it, but there was always something about Hoynes. He had given Josh his start. Sure, he'd ended up ignoring his counsel, which caused him to quit, but there was something about him.

Josh always thought of it like he thought of his first girlfriend. Her name was Caroline Jensen. She was tall and bossy and funny. In fact as he thought about it now she reminded him a little of CJ. He shook his head at that realization. The point was that Caroline was the first girl he loved. They were both fifteen and smitten, but, as with most first loves, it ended. They fought. She started dating his best friend before she eventually moved to another city. He was heartbroken and until he was about thirty he'd sometimes find his mind wandering to Caroline and what could have been.

He felt that way about John Hoynes. He'd given him his first chance. He'd helped mold him into what he was. He'd always felt guilty that he'd left him right before the campaign, but he knew it was for the best. And now Hoynes was back. He'd summoned him to car for a clandestine meeting. He wanted Josh to run his campaign.

Josh took another sip of his drink. Sure he was crazy, but he wasn't that crazy. Was he? He wished he had someone to talk to about it, but he didn't. Toby would laugh at him and think it was a joke. Donna wouldn't understand how he could even entertain the idea. She was fiercely loyal like that. Will might be a possibility. He always seemed to be a pretty solid sounding board for out there ideas, but he was grooming Russell for the nation's top job. That left CJ.

Much as he wanted to talk to CJ about it, he'd never go to her for something like that. He could never allow himself to be that vulnerable. He'd done it once before, years and years ago when there was the possibility of more between them. It made him feel better for a moment, but he couldn't impose on her like that again for reasons unspoken.

As if she sensed he was thinking about her, she appeared in his doorway. She knocked timidly on his door to break him from his reverie.

"Josh?"

"Yeah," he said dropping his copy of Hoynes' book in his lap.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

She stood in the doorway at a respectable distance. She wasn't going to enter without his permission. She still felt guilty about taking the China trip from him. He could see it in her eyes.

"Nothing," he lied, pulling his feet down from his desk and planting them on the floor. He gestured to her to come in and tried to pretend for a moment that he was completely sober.

He surveyed her dress. She was flashing a little more décolletage than usual. "You look nice," he said, trying to remind himself that CJ was off-limits to him in that way now.

She entered and sat down across from him. "Thanks. Did you come to the concert?" she asked.

"No," he said.

"You missed James Taylor," she said.

"Yeah, I was…" he let his sentence end with a shrug. He wasn't sober enough to come up with a plausible lie.

"Doing some light reading?" she asked. She gestured towards the book in his lap.

He fiddled with the tome and tossed it carelessly on his desk. "A little," he replied.

"Did Toby give you Will's copy?"

"No. Hoynes sent this to me."

CJ took that in for a moment. "Is it cataloged correctly?" she asked.

"Hmm?" Josh said. He wasn't sober enough to follow her train of thought.

"They say it's an autobiography, but I kind of wondered if what he was saying was more fiction than non-fiction," she explained.

"I haven't gotten that far," Josh said. "It seems fairly accurate, if not a little self-important."

"You got any more scotch?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah," Josh said. He pulled the bottle out from his bottom desk drawer. CJ reached behind her and grabbed a clean glass from the counter. She handed it to him to fill.

"How many ahead are you?" she asked him as he handed her the glass back.

"One," Josh lied.

"So two then?"

"CJ-"

"I'm not judging," she said. She took a long sip. "You've earned it."

Josh said nothing for minute. "I'm in the book a lot more than I thought I'd be," he told her.

"Did you think he'd ignore you?" she asked.

"No, but it's more than I thought."

"How many mentions do you rate?" she asked.

"Donna said 39," he replied.

CJ took another long sip. He could tell it was hard to go down. CJ was more a fruity drink and beer kind of girl. "The glory days?" CJ asked.

"Something like that," he replied. He finished off his glass and decided that he'd had enough. He wasn't quite drunk, but definitely not sober. He felt numb, which was exactly what he'd set out to feel after he returned from his meeting with Hoynes.

"Toby'll have some interesting things to say about it I'm sure," Josh said.

"Is he in it a lot?"

"His name can be found between a few choice expletives when he gets into the campaign stuff," Josh said.

CJ smirked. "I have no doubt. Do you remember when Toby burst onto the press bus and did a five-minute routine about Hoynes' position on Social Security?"

Josh chuckled. "That was happiest I think I've ever seen him," Josh said.

CJ chuckled too before the moment passed. "I'd have thought he'd have mentioned you a little more," Josh said. "Considering you were the one going after him in the press most of the time."

CJ didn't say anything. "Do you want to know how many times you're mentioned?" he asked.

"I already know," CJ said.

"Toby counted for you?"

"No. Hoynes called me."

"Really," Josh said as a definite statement rather than question.

"Yes."

"He called you to tell you that you weren't in the book?" Josh asked.

"He did."

"Is there a reason you rate a call from the man himself?" Josh asked.

It was a question that gnawed at him that he never put to words. In truth it was because he thought he already knew the answer to his question. He'd never told CJ but he thought he'd seen her before she started working for the Bartlet campaign. He thought he'd seen her get into an elevator with his then-boss, John Hoynes. And if Josh was honest with himself he was almost certain he saw Hoynes slip his hand down the small of her back. But asking now…that night seemed like a hundred years ago. They were both so young then.

"Not particularly."

She gave him a pointed look that told him without words not to ask. It all but confirmed to Josh that what he suspected was correct. He wasn't sure what to feel about it. He felt like he should have questions, but he found himself coming up short. Maybe it was the scotch.

"How was James Taylor?" he asked to change the topic of conversation. He felt uncomfortable. It made him sad because he'd never felt uncomfortable with CJ before.

"Good," she said. "Really good. He sang _A Change is Gonna Come_."

"That's a good one."

"I couldn't help but feel like it was more of an omen than a song," CJ said. She gazed into her glass.

"A lot has changed," Josh said.

"Yes it has," CJ replied.

"Do you think it'll ever be like it was?" he asked. His tone was so hopeful that it broke CJ's heart.

"No," she said truthfully. She finished off her glass. It went down hard, but quickly. "I don't think it would ever be the same with Hoynes either."

"What?" Josh asked.

"You heard me," she said.

"I wasn't thinking about…why would you say that?" he asked. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he was suddenly very paranoid. There was no way CJ could know about the phone call or the meeting with Hoynes. She was fishing; a little too close to his school of secrets.

"Josh he sent you a copy of his book," CJ explained. "He's been doing the rounds on the talk shows you go on if you're getting ready to announce and he called me tonight to make sure things were copacetic. Do you honestly expect me to believe that your name wasn't the next one on his call sheet tonight?"

"You think he's running for sure?" Josh asked, not really answering her question at all.

"I think we both know he's running and he'd be a damn fool not to get you back into the fold," she replied. She leaned in as she spoke and lowered her voice. There were hardly any people left in the building, but she still felt the need to keep things quiet.

Josh didn't respond. He just played with the empty glass on his desk. "It won't be the same if you go back," CJ told him.

"I never entertained the idea that it would be," Josh said with a tone of hostility in his voice.

He didn't want to do this with CJ. He thought he wanted to talk to her, but then he realized why he never went to her. She had a brand of realism that sometimes snapped him out of alternate realities that he created for himself. It didn't happen often. Josh was a realist after all, but sometimes, just for a little while, he liked to entertain thoughts of the unattainable. Hoynes had been back in Josh's life for a sum total of one day and he was already lying to everybody; Donna, CJ, Hoynes, but most importantly to himself. The irony was not lost on him.

"I don't want you to make a mistake," CJ said. She looked nervous, like she was about to broach a subject she didn't want to.

"A mistake like working for John Hoynes again?" Josh asked. "I never even said he called me."

"Maybe he hasn't but we both know he will."

"And you want me to say no because I'm so busy around here? I've got the big China trip to worry about with protocol and tradition and—wait, no, I forgot, I _don't _have to worry about those things because I'm being reallocated to something else, like picking a tree for the Arbor Day jamboree."

He didn't realize it but he shot out of his chair and he paced behind his desk. CJ stood up as well, but she wasn't angry like he expected her to be.

"I'm sorry Josh," she said. Her eyes pleaded with him for forgiveness, but it wasn't her that he was truly angry with. "I'm sorry about China. If I could change it I would. You know it wasn't an easy decision."

"I know! I understand. Someone had to be the scapegoat and that someone is me," he exploded back her. He shook his head. "I can't do this. I can't stand here and make you feel better about this when I'm _not_ okay with it do you understand?"

"I don't need you to make me feel better," she replied quietly.

"Then why are you here looking at me with the sad, pleading eyes?" he asked. He lowered his voice and changed his tone so he didn't sound so angry. "You want absolution? Fine. Whatever. I just think it's laughable that you're in here telling me that going back Hoynes would be a mistake because things would be different. Look around CJ, things are different here and it's never going back to what we knew."

"I know that."

Josh sat back down in his chair as CJ moved closer to the door. She'd let him have his temper tantrum and now she was moving forward. _"What's next indeed," _Josh thought to himself.

"You're not the only one who sees how different it is," CJ said as she walked to the door. "I stopped by tonight because I knew you'd never come to me…maybe it's because I'm your boss now, maybe it's because you were never really comfortable talking to me about work things like this, but I didn't come by to upset you."

She turned her back to leave when Josh called, "Claudia Jean?"

She turned and looked at him. Use of her full name transported her to a time when they'd both be mad and yelling, but it would end with kisses and tenderness. She wished it was like that now.

"There were plenty of times when I wanted to come to you," he said. "But I think we both know things are different now."

CJ nodded. "Josh, whatever happens, you did a hell of job on the China trip. And, I need you to know that _I_ still need you."

She bit her bottom lip to stifle a frown. She was infinitely sad about the entire situation, but as Chief of Staff she didn't have time to internalize anything. "I'll see you tomorrow," she said.

"Goodnight," Josh said.

He reached for the remote and turned off the television that was already on mute. He sat in the dimly-lit room and sighed audibly. He had much to think about, not the least of which was what to do about John Hoynes.

TBC


	26. It's Over Now

Author's Takes place during season six's "Faith-Based Initiative." The comment Josh makes when CJ sinks the basketball is memorable, but he also leaves in the team in this episode and while we kind of got to see Toby's reaction to the news, we never really got to see Josh tell CJ he was leaving.

* * *

"It's Over Now"

CJ was getting ready for a meeting with the Speaker of the House and the Majority delegation when she heard a quick tap on the door frame.

"Hey," Josh said.

CJ glanced up quickly before rushing around her desk to pull together some more papers. "Hey," she replied. She mentally pushed away the thought she had of Josh saying he was attracted to her earlier. It was getting a little easier to keep thoughts of going to bed with him away, but when they intruded upon her mind she had difficulty shutting them out completely.

"Do you have a minute?" he asked.

As if on cue Margaret entered the office from the other door and said, "CJ they're assembled in the Roosevelt Room."

"Thanks Margaret," CJ said. She looked at Josh and said, "I have about thirty seconds."

Josh nodded and tried to hide the disappointment on his face. "I can come back," he replied.

CJ looked up and saw how his face fell when she said she didn't have the time. "Margaret," she called. "Get them something to drink and give me two minutes."

Margaret nodded and left the office, closing the door behind her. Josh took the signal and entered the office closing the other door behind him.

"We could've talked later," he said.

"It looked important," CJ replied. "What's going on?"

Josh took a deep breath. He knew this was going to be one of the hardest conversations of his life. He wasn't even sure how to start and so for a moment he just stood in front of her and rocked back and forth on his feet.

"Josh? I've got like twelve people sitting in the Roosevelt Room waiting for me right now," CJ reminded him.

"Right," he said. "It's just, I'm a little unsure of how to…lately I've felt a little out of it."

"I know."

"Like I'm here but I'm not really here," Josh tried to explain further.

"Okay, Josh, I'd love to tell you to take your time, but I'm already late for a meeting so…"

Josh took a deep breath and handed CJ a folded letter. "This is what I'm trying to tell you," he said.

CJ felt her heart fall into her stomach as she took the letter from him and unfolded it, reading it slowly. Toby had told her not four hours ago that Josh had one foot out the door. She knew that Hoynes and Russell were after him and she tried to pretend that this wasn't what she thought.

"What is this?" she asked before she was halfway down the page.

"It's my letter of resignation," he said.

"I see that," CJ said. She was still in denial that this was real. She sat down behind her desk out of the sheer fact that she thought her legs might give way under her. "You and Toby did this joke a few weeks ago and as funny as it was then, now is really not the time."

"It's not a joke. I'm really leaving," Josh said.

CJ looked at him confused for a moment before the truth washed over her face. Josh watched her expression go from puzzled to hurt in a fraction of a second. Hurt would have been bad enough, but unfortunately for Josh he thought he saw anger in her eyes before she yelled, "Margaret!"

The door opened and Margaret entered. "Yes?"

"I'm going to need more than two minutes please."

"Sure," Margaret said before leaving and closing the door again.

Once it was Josh and CJ locked in the office she took a moment of silence. Josh finally down sat in the opposite chair. He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees.

"Why?" CJ asked sadly.

"Things are so infinitely different than they were CJ," Josh struggled to find the words. "We talked about this a few weeks ago. I just feel like I can't do it anymore."

"But why?' she asked again.

"Someone's got to think about the next four years," he replied.

"You're going to work for Hoynes?" she asked in surprise.

"No."

"Russell?" she asked. If the situation wasn't so serious Josh would have laughed at her worried expression thinking he'd work for Russell.

"No," he said. "I…Leo told me that I should find a guy and I did. Matt Santos."

"The congressman from Texas," she said.

"Yeah," Josh replied.

"I don't understand this," she said. Her tone was defeated.

"Leo was the president's guy and I was Leo's guy. With Leo gone…I'm no one's guy anymore. I'm floundering CJ and I just can't...Someone has to look out for the next term. It's like Will said, after eight years you don't pick up your ball and go home. There's still work to be done. I need to be someone's guy again."

"You are someone's guy," CJ shot back. "You're still the president's guy even if you think you're not and besides that you're _my_ guy Josh. As an afterthought she added, "Tell me this has nothing to do with the fact that it's me sitting in this chair and not you."

"It doesn't," he said a little too quickly. "This has been coming for a while. I just didn't realize it. First Angela came in and then everything with Donna and Leo…it's been a long time coming."

"This is bullshit and you and I both know it," CJ spat at him.

"He doesn't want my opinion anymore CJ. That's what we both know. I dropped the ball one too many times and he's not calling my number. I used to be on the inside and now I'm nowhere. And let's not forget my career track. What have I got? I can't move up."

"So this is about me sitting here," CJ replied.

"No! It's about not giving the keys to the Republicans. I can't live with the thought of a President Russell, can you?" he asked.

"Russell? No. Hoynes maybe, but not Russell."

"You'd actually back Hoynes?" Josh asked, surprised.

"There'd be comfort in the fact that regardless of who he is personally, he knows what he's doing politically. I don't know Matt Santos, Josh and I don't think you do either."

"Leo encouraged me to do this. Leo knows what the party needs. He knows what it's like for me."

"And I don't?" CJ asked. "You talk about changing Josh, let's talk about it. Sam left, Leo almost died, I got thrown into this job, the president is barely able to work a seven hour day and now you're leaving. You're leaving me and Toby to do a job that takes a team. You want to feel needed? I need you. I don't know how to make it any plainer than that. _I need you here._"

Josh looked at her and his heart broke. If Leo hadn't encouraged him to go out and look for the next generation of leader he probably would have stuck it out. He probably could have endured it because he wasn't a quitter, but when he really thought about it, he couldn't take the chance that Bob Russell could be president. As much as it killed him, he had to leave, no matter how much CJ pleaded with him to change his mind.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

CJ ran her hand over her eyebrow. She fidgeted with the letter in her hand. She saw the look on his face. She knew she had lost him. There was nothing she could say. Even if she offered him her job, he was really leaving. Toby was right when he said Josh had one foot out the door. She just didn't realize how far out the door he really was.

"I never thought it would be you," she said quietly as she tossed his letter on the desk.

"What?"

"In the last few months, I've had these thoughts…it's always Toby," she replied. "It was always him. He's had trouble dealing with this. I figured he'd tell me to go to hell or he'd tell the president he was insane and that would be it. I thought it would be me and you until the end. I never envisioned doing this without you."

Josh was a little shocked by her admission. Yes, Toby had been a little more difficult since he had to take orders from CJ, but he never really thought he'd leave. Apparently CJ had other thoughts. Josh was at a loss for words. She looked so sad.

"I don't know what to say," Josh admitted.

"When do you need to leave?" she asked quietly.

"Filing deadline is Thursday in New Hampshire," Josh replied softly. He picked at a thread on his pants rather than look at her.

CJ bit her lower lip. She wasn't sure if it was to stop the feeling of tears that were building in her eyes or if it was to stop herself from screaming. He wanted to leave immediately and she definitely wasn't prepared for that.

"So you're telling me that today is your last day then?" she asked. "Because you're here, but you're not here."

"I guess I am," Josh said. "I have to go with Santos. I kind of talked him into running. I laid out this plan and he doesn't want to do it without me."

"Who would?" CJ replied a little bitterly.

"Claudia Jean," Josh said. He'd seen this look in her eyes before. It was on the campaign trail when he was fairly certain he'd broken her heart. She'd never admit it of course, but he knew deep down inside that it was true. Little did she know that his heart was broken that day too. He swore to himself years ago that he'd never be the one to make her look that way again. It was just another way in which he'd failed.

"Don't," she said sitting up straighter. Josh saw the moment where she shut down her feelings and put her game face back on. "It's fine. The president is in the office for a few hours. I'll have Margaret get you some time with him."

"It doesn't have to be like this," he said.

"Like what?" she said.

"We've been through too much to just leave things…" he shrugged.

"Unfinished?" she asked. "I'm not Josh. You're the one leaving. Without giving me much time to find a deputy either."

"I'll get you some names," he said.

"Don't worry about it," she replied.

"CJ-"

"I'm not mad Josh," she said. "It's just one more thing on the to-do list. It's fine."

She stood up from behind her desk. "Are you going to stay for the rest of the day?" she asked.

"I was planning on it," Josh said standing awkwardly.

"I'll try to get you in to the see the president as soon as possible. I'm sure you've got a lot to get done before Thursday. You're going to do a big announcement?"

"We're doing an announcement," Josh shrugged. He was trying to process what was happening. He'd expected yelling or the silent treatment, but she surprised him by resorting to business as usual. "I guess introducing the candidate is kind of important at this juncture."

"I can't say I envy you there. I barely know who Matt Santos is and I work in the White House," CJ replied. He was actually glad she got in a little dig. If she was angry she couldn't be completely indifferent to him.

Josh stood up. "I won't leave until we get a clean budget," he said.

She gave him a sideways look. "That's sweet, but we both know the president is in there getting a clean budget right now," she said.

She was gathering her things to get to her meeting. Josh felt impulsive and he reached out and grabbed her arm in mid-air. She looked at him with surprise for a moment. "What?" she asked.

It was such a simple question. What? What did he want or need from her at that moment? They'd been through years together and it seemed too simple to just walk out of her office with a hug and pat on the back. He knew he'd see her again of course, but this seemed final in some way. He wouldn't see her every day ever again.

He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him, how he valued her friendship above all others. He wanted to tell her that he once loved her, really and truly loved her, in ways that he couldn't even think about lest he kick himself for letting her get away. He wanted to tell her that he treasured the moments they spent in each other's arms and he'd never forget them.

"I wanted to say that if you need a guy to vouch for your sexual preference, I'm available now that we're not working together anymore," he joked as he let go of her arm. He teased her. He wanted to kick himself.

She smiled at him sadly. She had wanted him to say so much more. "I might take you up it," she joked back.

"I'm sure I've got a scandalous picture somewhere," he added.

"You better not," CJ replied with a sad smile. "I've got to get to this meeting."

"Right," he said.

Before she picked up her notebook she wrapped her arms around Josh in a tight hug. He couldn't recall the last time she clung so tightly to him. CJ felt a lump in her throat start to burn and she knew she had to let go before her professional façade disappeared. She broke the clinch and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Good luck," she said. She felt her voice was thick with the tears that she was choking back. "I'll have Margaret get you in with the president as soon as she can."

"Thanks," Josh said.

CJ walked over to the door, notebook in hand and turned the handle. She turned to him before opening the door and said, "It's been a privilege mi amour."

Before Josh could say anything she was out the door and speaking to Margaret. Josh turned his back to the open door and wiped the single tear that fell from his eye. He knew that telling the president he was leaving would be the hardest thing he'd ever have to do, but damned if telling CJ he was leaving wasn't the most emotional.

TBC


	27. Hundreds of Miles Away

Authors Notes: This takes place between Faith-Based Initiative and Drought Conditions. The impetus of this chapter is actually the tiny conversation that Josh and CJ have on the phone in Freedonia. I assumed they had to have talked more in between, but we never saw it.

* * *

"Hundreds of Miles Away"

Josh had left the White House and CJ had been trying to keep her head above water. Being one man down was difficult; especially when that one man was so important to the political process. CJ and Toby had tried to divide Josh's workload as best they could, but CJ always kept the thought that Josh would be back. The work and things falling through the cracks was merely a temporary inconvenience, at least in her mind.

CJ was thinking about the things that needed to be accomplished when Margaret entered her office. "CJ?" she asked.

"Yeah?" CJ said turning towards her.

"I've got Josh on line three," Margaret informed her. "I wasn't sure if I should put him through."

Although when he left CJ had been mad at him, she brightened at the thought of speaking with him. "Yeah, put him through," CJ told her.

Margaret dutifully walked back to her desk and CJ's phone rang a moment later.

"Josh?" CJ said as she answered the phone.

"Hi," he said quietly. "I wasn't sure you were going to take my call."

"Why is that?" she asked, though she already knew the answer.

"You weren't too happy with me when I left," Josh said simply.

"I'm over it," she said.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"So what's going on? How's Iowa?"

"I take it you haven't been watching the news," Josh said.

"There's been a lot going on here," CJ explained. "It's mostly on in the background. It seems like Hoynes and Russell are getting a lot of the press. Oh, and your old friend Arnie Vinick. It's pretty ballsy not to take the ethanol pledge."

"Santos took the pledge," Josh said. He was still feeling guilty for forcing him to take it. But Matt Santos didn't have the gravitas of Arnold Vinick. Josh knew for sure that Santos had to take the pledge to be taken seriously. The Republican primary wasn't going to be as crowded as the Democratic field.

"He had to," CJ assured him.

"I know," Josh replied.

"Do you?"

"He didn't want to."

"Who truly does?" CJ asked. "The president took it because he had to and it worked out okay for him."

"You're right," Josh said. He wanted to change the subject. He didn't like the idea of CJ having to build him up. It was unsavory to him. "Is Greg Brock back in the pen?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your friend," Josh said using the same tone CJ used when she called Arnold Vinick his friend. "Greg Brock from _The Times_."

"He's not my friend," CJ said with a small chuckle.

"Really? I've heard otherwise," Josh teased her.

"You have not," she dismissed him. Josh had mentioned Greg Brock to her with a tone once before. CJ found it interesting that he brought him up again. She further wondered if she was that far removed from the gossip of the West Wing that she didn't know people were talking her and Greg Brock in the same sentence. "Has he been annoying you?"

"He followed me to New Hampshire," Josh explained. "I thought he was there to cover Santos and he tells me that he's there following me."

"You?"

"Apparently I'm big news," Josh said.

"You are," CJ said simply.

"No I'm not," Josh said. "Why would he be following me? Santos is the story."

"Not yet," CJ said wisely. "No one knows Matt Santos. People know you. You left a high-profile White House job to run his campaign. It's the nature of a journalist to wonder why."

"People want my perspective because no one knows who he is?" Josh asked.

"Because you're a high-profile operative. They want to see what you see in him and then they'll cover him."

"Okay," Josh said absently.

There was a pause on both ends of the line. Josh wanted to ask how things were going at the White House, but he felt like it wasn't his right to know anymore. CJ wanted to ask Josh how he was holding up, but she didn't feel like he would take it the right way.

"CJ," Josh said.

"Josh," she said at virtually the same time.

Margaret took that moment to burst into CJ's office and tap her wrist indicating that CJ was running late for yet another meeting.

"I have to go," she said with sadness in her voice.

"Yeah," Josh nodded wishing she could stay on the phone for just a moment longer. "I'll talk to you later."

The line disconnected and Josh stood staring out his hotel window with the feeling that his connection to his old life had just been severed once again.

* * *

Weeks later and CJ and Josh had exchanged a few phone calls here and there. Neither of their schedules really permitted much time to catch up with each other's lives, but at least they were able to converse under the guise of venting about work. CJ found herself looking forward to her weekly call from Josh.

"Hi," she said happily as she picked up the line after Margaret informed her Josh was on the other end.

"You sound happy," Josh commented.

"Let's just say your call might be the only bright spot in my day," CJ replied.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be. It's nice to get my head out of the office for a few minutes. How are things?"

"The same," Josh said evasively.

"You want to talk about it?" CJ asked.

"No. What's going on there?"

"The usual."

Neither seemed to want to discuss work, either because they were already too absorbed in it or because they were both too beaten down by it.

"So what do you want to talk about?" CJ asked.

"How's Toby?" Josh asked.

"Fine," CJ said. "He seems a little distracted lately, but that's Toby."

"I talked to him last week," Josh said. "He seemed…I don't know, more standoffish than usual."

"He hasn't said anything to me," CJ said.

"When you think back on Bartlet for America do you remember it as a good time?" Josh asked suddenly.

"Which parts?" CJ asked with a hint of flirtation in her tone that she couldn't quite explain.

Josh smiled in spite of his sour mood knowing exactly what CJ was referring to. The campaign trail was where their little arrangement had started. He would always look back on those times as nothing but excellent. "The parts with us were never bad," Josh said. "I was thinking more about the work. Was it ever this frustrating?"

"Yes," CJ replied. After a beat she added, "Josh, if you think this thing with Santos is going to be Bartlet for America…"

"I know," Josh said cutting her off. "It's not. I was just wondering if we were shielded from a lot of this stuff because Leo was there to deal with it."

"Could be. Santos isn't quite as malleable as you thought?"

"If I had 100 words to describe him malleable isn't one I'd use," Josh retorted.

"I'm sorry," CJ replied, though somewhere deep down she was kicking herself for being glad to hear it. She thought that the quicker Josh lost the illusion of Santos, the sooner he might come back to the fold. She hadn't even contemplated the thought of replacing him yet because it was so unconscionable to her.

"It'll work itself out," Josh said confidently.

"Before or after you lose your mind?"

Josh smiled again. She knew him so well. He missed her. "Preferably before."

CJ thought she caught a smile in his tone and it made her happy. "I miss this," she said before she even realized the words coming out of her mouth. Once she became conscious of the fact that she had betrayed herself she opened her mouth to walk back her unexpected statement, but Josh started speaking before she could verbalize anything.

"I miss you too," Josh said. He realized that he had said he missed her and not their banter, but he didn't care. He liked feeling that he still had a friend in the world. Santos surely wasn't his friend yet. Toby was being oddly cantankerous and although he'd kept running into Donna there was tension between them so thick that not even a trained chiropractor could relax it.

"Is it weird out on the road again?" CJ asked, deciding not to make a big deal out of the statements that had just passed between them.

"Yeah, without you guys, it's really weird. I mean, it's invigorating. I feel like I'm flexing a few muscles I haven't used in a while, it's just different."

"I bet."

Josh was startled by Ronna running into his room with a message. "Hey," he said. "I've got to go."

"Bye," CJ said quickly knowing that time was always of the essence when one of them had to get off the phone.

Josh disconnected the call and threw himself into yet another issue between him and Matt Santos. For a few minutes anyway, he was able to forget everything and just be the Josh he used to be.

* * *

CJ was at her desk again, trying to push paper from one place to another. It seemed that her days consisted of trying to piss off the least number of people. She'd had a run-in with the president and Abbey about the wake-up call. She had raised her voice to him. Things had seemed fine again, but the tension she felt for the last few days wasn't as easily forgotten for CJ.

She was almost grateful when Margaret came into her office and hovered by the side of her desk. "Am I late for something?" CJ asked as she signed a document quickly.

"No," Margaret said. "I was hoping I could talk to you about something."

"Okay," CJ replied, backing away from the desk. She gestured for Margaret to take a seat, which she did dutifully after she shut the door.

"Please tell me you're not quitting," CJ said suddenly. Margaret never asked for a moment to speak with her and she surely didn't shut the door to do it. CJ braced herself for the worst.

"You've probably noticed I put on some weight," Margaret said.

CJ took a moment to look at Margaret. In all honesty she hadn't noticed anything different about her, but when she was prompted to really look CJ became completely aware of what she was missing by not paying attention.

"Oh Margaret," CJ said once her mind connected to the fact that she had put on weight, in her stomach.

"I assumed you didn't say anything just in case I was getting fat, but I thought it was time I confirm that I'm pregnant," Margaret explained.

"That's…wow!" CJ said. She was fairly certain that Margaret hadn't been dating anyone seriously, but given the fact that she looked pregnant and CJ didn't bother to notice, she couldn't be sure of anything. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks," she replied with a smile. "I've been trying to keep it quiet. No one here really knows, but obviously, I'm going to be needed a few months off soon."

"Yes," CJ nodded. "How soon exactly?"

"I'm due in three months," she said.

"Okay," CJ nodded. She really wasn't sure how excited she was supposed to be about Margaret's pregnancy. She didn't have a lot of details and so she tried to just go with the flow. "We'll figure it out."

"I'm sorry to just spring it on you like this," Margaret said. "It's been a strange time for me."

CJ nodded unsure of what to ask. She didn't want to pry, but part of her also wondered if Margaret had anyone around to help her with a child.

"I'm with someone. We're not getting married," Margaret babbled to CJ. "He travels a lot and right now we're just…"

"It's okay Margaret," CJ cut her off. "If you need anything just let me know."

"You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"Because I'm pregnant and leaving you in the lurch for a few months while I'm on leave."

"Margaret, you're having a baby," CJ pointed out. "You're not running away to join the circus. I'll work it out. Don't even worry about it."

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely sure," CJ replied, though she was thinking about a few logistical things, the most of which that Margaret was like her right arm and working without her for a few months would hurt.

At that moment CJ's phone rang and Margaret picked it up. "It's Josh," she said quietly while covering the receiver.

"Thanks," CJ said taking the phone from Margaret. She took her leave of the office and CJ spoke into the phone, "What's going on mi amour?"

"The usual," he said giving her his standard response. They'd spoken like this for weeks. Josh would be evasive about why he was really calling until they'd caught up with mundane details first. "What's going on with you?"

"My day took an odd turn about five minutes ago," CJ said. She didn't feel comfortable telling Josh about Margaret, but she could definitely share her concern that it was kind of strange.

"Good stuff?" he asked.

"Interesting stuff. Do I seem like an oblivious person?"

"Never," Josh assured her. "Why?"

"Just wondering," CJ said.

"So, I'm going to be in town next Thursday for the DNC thing. Do you want to have lunch?" he asked.

"Sure," CJ replied. "That sounds great. I'll have Margaret put it on the schedule." She found herself already looking forward to their lunch date. She hoped nothing would come up to ruin it.

"Good," Josh said feeling more excited about his one day layover in D.C. already. "I'm looking forward to it."

"So," CJ said paving the way for conversation. "What's going on?"

"Two words: Amy Gardner," Josh said.

"You ran into her?" CJ asked with piqued curiosity. She knew that Amy was an itch that Josh couldn't help but scratch.

"Santos hired her for debate prep!" Josh exploded.

"You okay'd that?"

"He didn't tell me," Josh continued.

CJ began to busy herself with work while she spoke with Josh. Even though they only spoke for a few minutes a week she was glad for the connection. Much as she hated to admit it to herself, she kind of liked the idea that Josh might be burnt out on the Santos campaign. The sooner he found that the grass wasn't greener on the other side, the sooner he'd come back. It might have been a selfish thought, but she had it nonetheless.

Josh continued to talk about the campaign and CJ continued to commiserate with him. He seemed a bit worked up about things. On one hand she hoped that he'd find some kind of common ground with Santos, but with the New Hampshire primary so close, she wasn't sure they would gain any ground. It only would be a matter of time before he came back. Until then she'd have to just enjoy their conversations from hundreds of miles away.

* * *

CJ rolled over to the other side of the bed. She thought she heard her door open, but she had finally gotten home and into bed before eleven and she decided to continue to sleep. She had so many thoughts running through her mind lately that she didn't want to acknowledge the sound. She had an idea who it was and she didn't concern herself. It wasn't until she felt the covers next to her move and a body slid next to her that she decided to remain slightly conscious. She felt him scoot next to her and pull her body close to his.

He brushed the hair over her shoulder and whispered in her ear, "Sorry I was late. The plane was delayed."

She smiled and used her hand to pull him even closer to her. "You're here now," she said with a tiny smile.

She felt how Josh's lips traveled slowly down her neck and she found that she missed him even though he was lying right next to her. His hands ran down her side and settled on her abdomen before she rolled over to look at him and kiss him hungrily on the mouth. His tongue tangled with hers with an intensity that she hadn't felt in a long time. Too long. CJ moaned audibly.

"I take it I'm forgiven for being late tonight?" he asked.

"I didn't think I'd get to see you until our lunch tomorrow, so yeah, you're forgiven," she replied before running her hands under his t-shirt.

"I missed this," he said as she ran her hands down his chest.

"I missed you," she said twisting their previous phone conversation around on him. "A phone call once a week just isn't doing it for me."

"Me either," he replied. Josh took her face in his hands and pulled her lips up to his. He devoured her mouth with his, as a man who had been denied water in the desert. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him towards her with vigor. It had been too long since they were together. Besides they didn't work together anymore. She wanted him powerfully and she wanted him now, but there was a nagging in the back of her mind. She had to talk to him about something.

"Josh," she panted in between kissed.

"Hmm?" he asked not letting his lips leave her collarbone as his hands traveled her body under her shirt. She felt his hand on her hip, caressing her in ways that way her squirm and she hated even bringing up a conversation and so she didn't. She let him peel off her shirt as she tugged on his boxer shorts. She let herself feel something good and real because it had been too long and Josh had been too far away for so long.

A while later CJ pulled her t-shirt back on and cuddled next to Josh. She said, "How's the campaign?"

"You really want to talk about that now?" he chuckled.

"Sure, why not?"

"I thought maybe you'd want to talk about the other thing," he said.

"The other thing?"

He ran his hand down her side and rested his hand on her stomach again. "The thing we've both been avoiding," he said.

CJ was silent and so Josh continued, "I'm going to around more," he said.

CJ forced a laugh. "Sure you will," she said.

Josh looked at her in the eyes and said, "I'm going to be here for you and our baby Claudia Jean. I mean that."

"I hope you will," CJ replied.

"Count on it," Josh said before she felt his lips on her again. CJ knew they should talk more, but she felt herself give in to his ministrations and rolled over with a moan.

Suddenly she felt like she was falling and CJ heard her elbow crack against the hardwood and she was very conscious. She opened her eyes in the dark and knew that it had all been a dream. She sat there on the floor for a moment. She was wearing the same clothes she had gone to work it, which was not new, but having a dream about being pregnant with Josh's kid was definitely something new and alarming.

She ran her hand through her hair. "Get it together Claudia Jean," she said.

She sat on the floor for a moment. Her heartbeat still hadn't returned to normal. She wasn't sure if the rapid heartbeat had to do with falling out of bed or the dream she was having. She half-wondered if she wasn't having a light panic-attack at the thought of her dream. She shrugged off her coat, which she had also fallen asleep in and left it on the floor as she crawled back into bed.

It had been a while since CJ had a dream that vivid and realistic. She mentally cursed Margaret and her pregnancy announcement for causing this. CJ lay there on her back and tried to fall back to sleep, but she felt too wired to really relax.

She had many unsettling thoughts flying through her head. The first of which she dreamt she was pregnant. However, the most disturbing aspect of the dream wasn't the fact that she was pregnant, it was the fact that she was having Josh's baby. Yes, they'd slept together on many occasions, but Josh was currently hundreds of miles away, plus, he was Josh. CJ wondered if this wasn't the infamous biological clock that so many people talked about.

CJ ran her hand over her face and took a few deep breaths. There was nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she needed to put to rest before she would ever get any sleep. She rolled on her side and pulled her PDA from the nightstand. She squinted at the light that was emitting from the device while she scrolled to her calendar. She scrolled back a month and saw with her own two eyes that she had nothing to worry about based on her expert tracking.

CJ was about to toss the phone back on the nightstand when it started to vibrate in her hand. She sighed and answered the phone, "Hi Margaret."

"Sorry to bother you so late," Margaret said. "I know you haven't been home before eleven in weeks, but the president needs you to meet with the Israeli ambassador tomorrow."

"Okay," CJ said running her hand absently through her hair. "Tomorrow is crowded. We've got the DNC thing at night. What have I got going on in the morning?"

"That's the thing," Margaret explained. "The only pocket of time is the time you set aside for lunch with Josh."

CJ thought about that for a moment. While she really wanted to see him, she knew she had to set this meeting. Further, she wondered if her interaction with Josh might be best suited to group situations after her disturbing dream.

"Yeah, okay," CJ said. "Cancel it. I'll see him at the thing later anyway."

"Okay," Margaret. "See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Margaret," CJ said.

She tossed the phone on the nightstand and rolled her. One way or another she was going to get a good night's sleep. While part of her dreaded the thought of having another dream like the one she'd just had, there was another tiny part that hoped she might be able to pick up the dream where it left off.

TBC


	28. Thanks, that was fun

Author's Note: Takes place during season six's Drought Conditions. This is more than likely the last chapter of this story. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. If you did, keep an eye out for the prequel.

* * *

"Thanks, that was fun"

CJ walked up the steps to Josh's apartment wondering if she'd made a huge mistake coming over. She trailed the agent that was in front of her and took a deep breath as he knocked on the door. There were things between them that needed to be said. It took Josh's fight with Toby to truly get it through her head that he was not coming back. He was never coming back to them; to her.

CJ and Josh had seen each other throughout the day, but they barely said ten words to each other at the DNC soiree. She had some things on her mind and since she'd had a few glasses of wine at the party she decided that now was better than any other time to get things off her chest.

Josh opened the door to his apartment and looked surprised to see CJ standing there, but more surprised to see a Secret Service agent with her.

"CJ?" he asked.

"Sorry Mr. Lyman, I have to do a quick sweep," the agent said. Josh stepped aside and let the agent in giving CJ a quizzical look.

"What's going on?" he asked CJ.

"They frown upon me talking before they've secured the premises," CJ replied.

Josh rolled his eyes, but gave her a look of concern and they stood there staring at each other in silence for a moment before the agent came back and gave Josh's apartment the all clear.

"Hi," she said finally. "I took a chance you might be staying here tonight."

"Yeah," he said. "Come in."

He was still in his suit, though the knot of his tie was dangling mid-chest. She wondered if he was about to change when she interrupted him.

"What was that all about?" he asked after he shut the door. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," CJ said setting her purse on the small table in the foyer. "The threat level is up. With the president's health…they like to keep an agent on some key people nowadays."

"No one's made threats against you though?" Josh asked.

"No. I'm totally fine," CJ said reassuring him. CJ had to deal with a lot of feelings once agents had been sent to escort her again. Luckily she didn't have to deal with the horrifying thoughts of a madman being after her again. She didn't want to talk about the agent though.

"We didn't get a chance to talk at the party," CJ said as they walked into the living room. Josh motioned his arm to offer her a seat, which she gladly accepted.

"Wasn't that by design?" Josh asked with a little attitude. "We couldn't have the visual of you actually talking to me because that could reflect poorly on the president."

"Not poorly," CJ said as she crossed one leg over the other tightly. Josh shot her a look. "We can't have the press thinking Santos is the heir apparent and you know it."

"Yeah," Josh said simply. "Do you want something to drink? I think I've got water, vodka or a bottle of wine."

"I could go for a glass of wine," CJ said.

"Okay," Josh said. He left her alone in the living room while he went into the kitchen.

"Are you doing okay?" CJ called into the kitchen.

"Sure," Josh yelled back. "Do I not look it?"

CJ bit her lower lip. "I mean, are you doing okay after the fight with Toby," she clarified herself.

Josh came out of the kitchen with an open bottle of wine and two glasses. He handed one to CJ. "You heard about that," he said.

Now it was CJ's turn to give him a look. "You think I don't know what's going on in the West Wing?" she asked.

"It wasn't a big deal," he said pouring the glasses of wine.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"You drew blood," CJ pointed out.

"So are you here to scold me? Is that what this is? I'm not really in the mood for a lecture from you on how I was mean to Toby, which by the way, I wasn't. He wants to be pissed at me for leaving then fine."

"I'm not here to lecture you."

"Sure you're not."

"I'm really not," CJ said sipping her wine. "I wanted to see how you were doing."

"You don't have a dog in this fight?"

"No."

CJ took another sip of her wine. The wine was going down easy and maybe that was a good thing because she was about to betray Toby's confidence. "The fight had nothing to do with you," CJ informed him.

"It sure seemed like did."

"It wasn't. It was about Toby's brother," CJ said.

"I know David died, but trust me when I say that the fight today was all about how Toby hates me."

"He doesn't," CJ insisted.

"All due respect CJ, you weren't there."

"Not _during_ the fight, but I was there after," CJ said. "Josh…I shouldn't tell you this, but I'm going to anyway."

Josh looked at her with rapt attention. It appeared he finally ready to listen to her. CJ inhaled deeply and said, "David didn't…it wasn't the cancer that killed him."

Josh looked at her inquiringly. He didn't really understand what she was trying to tell him and so he took another sip of his wine. "David killed himself," CJ said quietly.

Josh's eyes bulged a bit as she divulged the information. 'Toby told you that?" he asked.

"He doesn't want anyone to know. He said that David heard things were going to get hard and he quit."

"That's what he thinks I did?"

CJ shrugged and took another sip of her wine. "It might not make sense, but it is what it is."

Josh nodded and finished off his glass before pouring himself another. He gestured the bottle in CJ's direction in an offer to pour her more, which she gladly accepted.

"I'm sorry for him," Josh said.

"Me too," CJ said. They sat and drank in companionable silence for a moment before CJ started a new topic of conversation. "You're not coming back are you?"

"What?"

"The White House," CJ clarified. "You're really not coming back."

"No," Josh said. "I'm not. Did you think I was?" Josh was puzzled by CJ's question. He was in the race to win it, not become an also-ran. He was surprised that she ever entertained the idea that he would be back, though it gave him a pretty good idea of how well she thought his chances of winning were.

CJ rubbed her lips to together. "Yeah, maybe, sometimes," CJ said after a moment. "Maybe I just hoped."

"You don't think Santos has a chance, do you?" he asked.

"It'll take a miracle," CJ said, not harshly, but honestly. She knew she was telling Josh what he already knew.

"You don't believe in miracles anymore? Didn't it take a miracle to get President Bartlet elected?"

"Josh."

"What?"

"Nothing," she said taking a deep sip of her wine. "I'm happy for you. I'm happy you found something you believe in."

"No you're not," Josh said in a way that wasn't vindictive, just honest.

"Part of me is anyway," CJ said giving him a small smile.

"And part of me is happy to be out there," Josh said.

"How about the other part?"

"The other part misses how it used to be."

CJ nodded and drank more of her wine. She hadn't set out to have such a depressing conversation with Josh. It mad her sad or maybe it was the wine.

"I hired Cliff Calley for your job today," CJ informed him for lack of anything else to say.

"What?" Josh said with a little more intensity than he had intended.

"He wasn't my first choice," CJ said.

"Who was? Haffley? Maybe Walken?" Josh asked still in disbelief that she had hired Cliff Calley for his job. Putting aside the fact that he was Republican, Josh had a bit of a sorted past with Cliff because of Donna and now he was going to be sitting in his office; his _old_ office.

"Leo thought he'd be a good choice," CJ said finishing her second glass of wine.

"Leo?"

"Yeah," CJ said with a puzzled look on her face. "I didn't really see it either, but if we've got to work with the Republicans I suppose it makes sense to have one on our team."

"And Cliff was fine with this?"

"It was more of a mafia offer," CJ said. Josh gave her a quizzical look. "When the mafia asks you to do something you don't really have the option of saying no."

Josh chuckled as he poured himself another glass of wine and topping off CJ's glass as well. "You were going to make him cement shoes otherwise?" he asked.

"I'm not really sure what I was planning to do otherwise. Believe me it didn't exactly hurt my feelings when he said no the first time."

"He said no?"

"Of course he said no."

Josh sat and thought about it for a moment. "He might not be such a bad choice," Josh conceded.

"He's not you."

"Who can be, really?" he asked her rhetorically as he gave her a huge grin that made his dimples pop out.

"No one mi amour. You are an original."

"I like to think so," he said drinking his wine again.

CJ leaned back a little on the couch and flipped her shoes from her feet. She curled one leg under her and her dress draped the couch cushion.

"Did I tell you how good you looked tonight?" Josh asked as she surveyed her figure. Her dress was low-cut; very low-cut. He'd noticed it at the party, but it had been a while since he'd had that kind of thought about CJ. The third glass of wine made it easier for him to verbalize his appreciation of her wardrobe.

CJ glanced down at her dress. "This old thing?" she asked sarcastically.

"I see you're flashing a little more cleavage than usual," Josh said with a sly grin.

"Such as it is."

"Mrs. Bartlet would approve."

CJ chuckled. "Yeah, maybe," she replied. "Do you remember when she was always trying to set me up?"

"She's not trying to find you a man anymore?"

"Definitely not."

"I'm not sorry to hear it," Josh said.

CJ gave him a questioning look. She wondered why he'd make a comment like that, especially now. "Really?"

"I always felt kind of bad for you," Josh shrugged as he finished off yet another glass of wine.

CJ finished off her glass of wine as well. In such rapid succession she felt light-headed. It was pleasant feeling that she welcomed. Things had been so stressful lately. It felt nice to just drink and forget about life for a while.

Josh noted how they had both finished their glasses and he stood up to reach for the bottle on the table. He sat down close to CJ on the couch and refilled her glass.

"I really shouldn't," she said as she willingly allowed Josh to top off her glass. He poured the remainder of the bottle into his glass.

"We killed that bottle," Josh said as he glanced at his watch. "In forty minutes."

"A new record," CJ said as she took another sip. "Good thing I'm not driving."

"When was the last time you and I got drunk on wine?" Josh asked. "New Hampshire?"

CJ thought back into the recesses of her memory. "During Bartlet for America," CJ confirmed. "The blizzard."

"God that was a good night," Josh said.

"Yes it was," CJ confirmed, but feeling melancholy at the thought of it. It was a night that she would never forget for a multitude of reasons, least of all the fact that she and Josh were snowed in at the time.

"I fell in love with you that night," Josh said plainly as if it wasn't a revelation.

"You did not," CJ said shifting close to him on the couch.

"I did."

"You didn't."

"Claudia Jean," he said looking her straight in the eyes. "I was in love with you."

She saw in his eyes that he meant it. If she had any inkling or hope once upon a time that Josh had truly loved her, she knew it for certain now. In spite of herself she started to chuckle. She set her wine glass on the table.

"I tell you I was in love with you and you laugh at me," he said.

"I'm not laughing at you," she said as she stopped her nervous giggling. "I'm laughing because we're idiots."

"Why is that exactly?"

"You're telling me you were in love with me," CJ said. "We're idiots because I was head over heels in love you then, despite my better judgment."

"You were?" Josh said gulping hard.

"Yes," CJ replied seriously. She ran her hand through her hair and tried to wrap her head around this new information. She didn't know whether it was hilarious or sad.

"You weren't," Josh said.

"I was."

Josh took a moment to understand the concept. He tried to put himself back in time when he and CJ were snowed in. Something happened that night that made everything different for him. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought that maybe CJ had loved him, but he never really let himself entertain the thought seriously because it seemed so unbelievable.

"Vermont," he said as if the word would illuminate everything for her, which it did.

"Vermont was supposed to go a lot differently," CJ agreed.

"I was going to tell you how I felt that night," Josh informed her.

CJ chuckled again. "We think alike."

"You were not going to tell me that night."

"I really was."

"If only we'd scheduled dinner earlier," Josh said.

"Would it have changed anything?" CJ asked.

"Yes!" Josh replied. He also set his wine glass on the table, half full. "CJ, do you, did you ever think about how things could be different if that night had gone the way it was supposed to?"

"I used to," she said. "Not so much anymore. It was a long time ago. Although now that I know you were feeling what I was, things are a little different."

"I'm so sorry," he said.

"For what?" CJ asked.

"For that night," Josh said. "It killed me."

"I know," she assured him rubbing his shoulder gently.

"Do you?"

"Your eyes gave you away that night mi amour," she said reaching out and running her hand down his cheek. Josh leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. It felt nice to be this close to her again. At the same time it was heartbreaking to know that they had come so close to being so much more than this.

"You were really in love with me then?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," she confirmed again. "I tried not to be, but you made it so damn hard to keep things casual."

"I did?" Josh asked, leaning back, but still close enough to leave his hand resting on her leg.

"Believe or not you did," she said. She intertwined her fingers with his because it seemed like the thing to do.

"Things could be so much different right now," Josh said again.

CJ nodded. "Who knows if they'd be better though," she said.

"You don't think they would be?"

"I know I wouldn't be working at the White House," CJ said confidently.

"Why?"

"Josh, there is no way Leo would have hired both of us if we were together when the president got elected," CJ said. "He wasn't exactly crazy about bringing Mandy on once he realized you two were on again."

"You don't know that."

"Yeah, I do and so do you."

"Maybe I do," he said. "It could have been worth it though."

"We'll never know."

"I guess not," Josh said.

He sat there and looked at her. He felt so sad and yet vindicated. He hadn't imagined it. There was something real between them. All those years ago when he thought he'd broken her heart, he had. He didn't like knowing that, but he did take a certain solace in knowing that she had once really loved him as much as he'd loved her.

Josh leaned forward impulsively and kissed her. He ran his hand through her hair and pulled her face closer to his and CJ responded by inching her body closer to him. She opened her lips to him and felt his tongue explore hers in a delicate dance that had not been experienced in so long. She ran her hands through Josh's hair and clasped her fingers together behind his head. Josh moved his lips down her cheek, to her jaw line and down still along her neck until his lips found the delicate skin that was exposed in the plunging neckline of her dress.

"Josh," she half-moaned, half-whispered. Her call to him diverted his attention back to her lips and kissed her again to silence the call. His hand instead slipped under the hem of her dress and traveled up her leg. He felt her begin to pull his tie off his neck and the fabric being pulled slowly from his neck sent a shiver down his spine.

Before things got too intense CJ pulled back and looked at him. "This is okay?" she asked.

Josh smirked. "I'd say it's better than okay," he replied. "Although, how's the hearing on your guy outside my door."

"We'll just have to control ourselves," CJ chuckled.

"I'll give you my belt to bite down on," he said mischievously.

CJ took his comment as a suggestion and yanked on his belt while she laughed.

"I'm glad we're doing this one last time," Josh said.

"We already had our one last time," CJ reminded him as she planted tiny kisses down his neck as she unbuttoned his shirt.

"That didn't really count though because I didn't know it was our last time," Josh reminded her.

"You have a point," she said thinking back on how the last time they were together she'd just been promoted to Chief of Staff, though she hadn't told Josh at the time.

"That wasn't very nice of you," Josh said as he positioned himself over her and pulled her hips towards him.

"I'll make it up to you," she panted lightly his hand worked its way up her inner thigh and she freed him from his dress shirt.

"Promise?"

"Oh yeah," she replied before he covered her lips with his again. CJ had teased Toby earlier about getting drunk and forgetting they worked together. CJ had only been joking, but now it seemed that she was making her little comment come to fruition, though with a more willing, animated partner.

There was something about knowing that it was truly the last time for them that made any inhibition they had ever had before disappear. They were both taking full advantage of exploring each other fully one last time before this chapter of their lives would strictly be over.

A while later CJ rolled over on Josh's arm and looked at him. "I should go," she said.

"Yeah, I've got an early flight tomorrow."

"South Carolina?" CJ asked.

"Yeah," Josh replied. CJ rolled over again and Josh absently ran his hand down her bare back before she stood up from the couch and picked up her rumpled dress from the floor.

"My dry cleaner is going to have a field day with the wrinkles in this thing," she said pulling it on. Josh also stood up and started to set himself to rights.

"It was worth it," Josh said as CJ turned around and pulled the dress over her shoulder.

"No doubt," CJ agreed. "Will you get the zipper?"

Josh obediently reached out and zipped the dress slowly wanting to savor these last few fleeting moments. He placed a small peck on CJ's shoulder before releasing her. She turned around and smiled at him.

"Thanks," she said.

"You're welcome," Josh said. "So now we're…"

"The best kind of friends as always," CJ replied.

"But just so we're clear this was the last time?" he asked knowing the answer to his question. Part of him was happy with knowing the door was closed on this part of his life, but there was a piece of him that wished the door could be left slightly ajar.

"Yeah," CJ replied with a small, sad smile. "I think it's for the best."

"It is," Josh nodded.

CJ started walking toward the door and Josh followed behind her in his boxers and t-shirt. "You don't think the agent knows what we were doing in here right?" he asked. He suddenly felt a little self-conscious.

"I don't know," CJ said. "I've never done this before. I might have a hard time looking him in the eye."

"Good luck with that," he chuckled.

"How's my hair?" she asked, suddenly self-conscious.

"It definitely looks like sex hair," Josh teased her.

"Josh," CJ whined.

"It's looks great," he assured her.

"Okay. Bye mi amour," she said reaching out and kissing him gently on the cheek. "It's been fun."

"That, it has," he agreed. "I couldn't have asked for a better friend."

"Stay in touch," she said.

"I will," he assured her.

CJ opened the door and left. Josh leaned against the door after it closed behind her and he thought for a moment about how much things had changed. He let himself dwell for a moment on what could have been between them after learning that they had been in love once without really knowing it. Part of him wished he could go back in time and do it over just to see how things would end up. Then again the other half of him wouldn't trade the last eight years with CJ for anything in the world.

CJ made her way out to the car in silence. She thought about the events of night. She surely hadn't expected to be with Josh one more time, but she couldn't deny that it turned out to be just what she needed. She exited Josh's building and glanced up to his window. She saw him looking down to the street. Josh put his fingers to his lips and pressed his hand on the window. CJ looked up at him with a smile and put her hand over heart. It might well be the oddest relationship she'd ever had in her life, but she knew deep in her heart that it was also the most enduring.

The End.


End file.
